R.Everit55

22 months on its way

279 posts in this topic

I had such an amazing day with my favorite girl Gracie.  She's exceeding all expectations from being a premie. She amazes me.  She melts my heart.  She has my heart.  She crawls to me and climbs in my lap and puts her arms on my face or around my neck and gives love.  I soak it up.  I need that.  

However in six days it will be 22 months since my Mary left this earth and my side.  I feel guilty being so happy with OUR family.  Our grandchildren including the third grandson due in April.  I feel guilty.  And it hurts.  I miss her so much.  I get so wrapped up in family that I forget sometimes that she's gone and never coming home.  And when it hits it hits hard.  :(

Butch 

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Butch you should not feel guilty for being happy about something Mary would not want you to be sad she wants you to be happy I am sure she is smiling down at the love you have for your family we need to find our way and live again but I understand how you feel even when happy grief finds its way into your heart.

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Butch - it's okay to be happy.  God knows we spend enough time in misery and pain.  And if grandkiddies can't bring smiles and joy then what can?  Getting wrapped up in family is what we did before our wives died and that provides a valuable respite now they are gone.

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Dear Butch, please try to let go of the guilt.  It is not your sorrow that holds Mary to you, it is your love and that love will continue.  It is natural and desired that you would smile for little Gracie!  Those are the things of life that keeps us going when otherwise we'd lay down and quit.  We continue for the small bright hopes we might have come our way.  

http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2012/12/grief-and-burden-of-guilt.html

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Thank you. Here's the latest of my favorite girl. 

My heart is full when am with her and her brothers or when I get pics   

How can I not be so full of joy   

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Oh and look what my favorite monkey is up to doing.  :blink:  She's too little to start growing up!  

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Butch, she's beautiful!  No wonder your heart is full...

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IMG_1842.JPG

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Amen!

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Again here I sit reliving the last two days 22 months ago of my beautiful wife's life.  ALS stole everything from her.   I think she was ready to go be with our Lord but I would ask her that and ask her to blink once for yes or twice for no and she always answered no.  But I believe she was waiting for me to tell her it's okay that she go.  And when I did that on Jan 9th 2015 she surrendered the little strength she had left.  She was my brave beautiful hero.  Thru it all.  But here I sit in tears yet again.  Just wanting one more day.  One more hour.  One more minute.  One more day before ALS slowly stole everything from her.  

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Butch,

Sorry things are so rough right now.   I know you wonder if it will ever get better.  I wonder, also.  Al has been gone for 13 months and I still miss him so very much.  Hang in there, Butch.  We are here for you.

Gin

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Butch, I'm with you, Buddy.  I know it's hard, I'm sorry it hurts.  So many hurting here...I wish I could fix it for all of you, for me too.

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I too wish I could take everyone's pain away here.  :(

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Oh Butch what we all wouldn't give for that one more moment even then we would want one more it is just so hard without them my hearts feels your pain I truly hope you are able to find some  comfort hugs

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Chicken for dinner  Gracie was being finicky so she hid hers on her head  

for a smile to everyone :D

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Anytime that little charmer is on here, you know we are all smiling.  Our therapy for today.  Thank you so much Butch.  

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:lol: Haha, that's great!

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Gracie sounds like a very clever young lady! Excellent place to hide a piece of chicken you don't want to eat, I'd say. Out of sight, out of mind ~ right?!

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Tonight is 22 months since Mary lost her battle.  However that's not what's weighing so heavily right now.  I think I've mentioned that my son and dil were expecting a baby boy, Joseph Ryan, come spring.  Yesterday they had an 18week 3day check.  Sadly there was no heartbeat anymore.  Katie was given meds to induce a miscarriage and is having a d&e.   They held tight to their two boys and Gracie last night.  And they will not be trying for anymore children.  This is their third list baby following losing Lily and Lila when they were born much too soon.  Thank hod they had Grace in between.  My only question is why.  My heart is broken.  For them.  Little Joseph Ryan is in the arms of his Grammy Mary in heaven.  

Tonight is a hard night.  So many memories of Mary before she passed.  And now so many hopes and dreams for another grandson gone.  

Please keep Allen and Katie in your prayers   Thank you   

Butch.  

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Roy Butch,

Another in a long line of blows!  So sorry.  Allen and Katie are surely in my prayers...and you.

Gin

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3 hours ago, R.Everit55 said:

Please keep Allen and Katie in your prayers   Thank you

Yes, dear Butch, of course we will do that. I am so very sorry to learn this sad news ~ again . . . :(

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Butch am so sorry to hear of another loss it has got to be so very hard my prayers and thoughts are with Allen, Katie your entire family.

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