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My boyfriend has suffered a lot of loss lately and now is rethinking our relationship


BeGood

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This is the first time I am posting here but I am really struggling. My boyfriend of over two years, who I live with, very suddenly lost his mother back in July. She had taken her own life and he had found her. He seemed surprisingly okay in the following months until the end of October came around. His best friend, who he spoke to on the phone on almost a daily basis passed away from an OD. After his mother had passed I remember him calling this friend and begging him to stop the drugs because he couldn't lose him too after his mother had just died. 

I cannot even begin to imagine how he is feeling right now. My friend also passed away in August but we were not nearly as close. Last night my boyfriend confessed to me that this past weekend he had a very intimate and almost romantic conversation with his friend's sister's friend who he had just met. He told me that he felt like she just understood him and that we never have conversations like that. After telling me this he begin to tell me that that conversation has made him rethink our relationship and he is not sure if he wants to be with me. He says he still loves me and is in love with me. We had all these plans for our future, moving out of state, starting a business... and now he doesn't know if he wants any of that. He was always SO excited about these plans and for him to not want them anymore is terribly confusing and disheartening.

He means so much to me and I know he is going through a lot and I should probably give him space but I don't want to lose him. Earlier this year he was even looking at rings for me to ask me to marry him and now this might be the end... Does anyone have nay advice for me?

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I am so sorry, it is really hard.  I strongly encourage you to read the posts in "Loss of Love Relationship" section, you will find a lot of information that will help you.  This is a common grief response.  There is no surefire advice I can give you that will enable you to keep him, because HE has the say in that.  Telling him you love and miss him will likely be interpreted as pressure by him and will have the affect of pushing him away.  It's advised not to have relationship talk while one is grieving, it's too much for them, BUT you will be experiencing grief of him and your relationship all the while he is grieving the loss of his mom.  It's unfair, it's hard, it's not about you or anything you did or didn't do...it's about HIS grief and grief response and that you have no control over.  HE doesn't even have control over it.  He may not understand it any better than you do!

Disheartening and confusing to say the least.  I am so sorry you are going through this.  My best advice to you is to focus on you, spend time with your family and friends, realizing you cannot control this situation.  Do everything you can to bring peace into your life, meditation, prayer, yoga, soothing music, activities that de-stress, walks, anything that you find that is helpful.  My heart goes out to you, I've lived this path.

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