The Holidays are really causing more grief :'(

[Rylee]

I'm having so much trouble these days. As the holidays get closer I am crying so much more. I keep thinking about my mom not being here for Halloween wearing her "I scare myself" t-shirt and Thanksgiving and being able to watch her enjoying the special meals we brought and being able to spend time with all of her kids. Or Christmas and watching her open presents and getting so excited. Just like a little kid sometimes. I miss her SO MUCH.  My daughter and I have been doing a lot of crying together lately thinking about her not being here for these holidays. 

This is the first time in 57 years that I haven't been able to talk to my mom or be with her during this time of year.   People keep telling me that the first year missing out on the holidays is the hardest but I don't see myself ever stopping crying.  

Rylee

[enna]

Dear Rylee,

I am so sorry you are having a hard time right now. Going through all the first special occasions is very difficult and the years that follow will still be so hard. It is good to allow your emotions to just be what they are. You are missing a very important person in your life and her absence will always bring you to tears. Later, much later you will start to focus on the good memories you have of your mom. There will be times when you find yourself smiling over things that remind you of her. One thing that I have done since my mom died is to make a special dessert that was her trademark. This Thanksgiving I will make her "Apple Bettie" crisp. It's yummy with fresh whipped cream and everyone tries it along with the other desserts during this time. 

Sending hugs to you and your daughter. I know it's hard.

[kayc]

And I will be making my mom's orange chocolate chip nut cake...if not for TG, then perhaps Christmas.  It was a favorite when we were little, and it was my kids' favorite too.

We do these carrying on traditions to honor them and keep them alive and with us in our own way.  Yes, things have changed, but we can still tell them how we feel, and talk about them to each other and remember them in our hearts.

I'm sorry this is all so fresh and painful, Rylee.

[Rylee]

Thank you for your kind words and also your suggestions. I think I will try something like that. Her favorite thing to make as far as desserts are concerned was what she called, "Apple Quisp" it is actually supposed to be called "Apple Crisp"  She hadn't cooked for a long time (since her becoming paralyzed) but this was her favorite dessert to make when she was able to. I think I will do that for this Thanksgiving. I don't know if I will be able to without gushing tears but I think I may try to as you guys suggested. Thank you for that. 

Rylee