Today is such a difficult day

[Rylee]

Today I gave my mother's wheelchair away.  I know that it needed to go and I know that the chair itself was a representation of her being confined but it was also how I saw her for the last several years and it was so hard to let it go. 

The chair was given to a man who really needed it. His chair was breaking down and it was in pretty bad shape and the repairs on the chair would have been more than they could handle. I know that my mom would have been more than happy that he got the chair if she were here to have given it to him. He offered me money for it but I wouldn't take the money. I felt better about giving it to him. He and his wife thanked me for it and were near tears that I gave it to them. 

In spite of that, I still feel sad that it's gone and that I won't have it here anymore. I still have things that I need to give away or sell of hers and each thing that leaves my house I cry. I just wish I could get through this without the extreme emotions attached to everything as they leave the house. I do have a doily she made specifically for me that will never leave my possession until I am passed away myself. I will treasure it forever and I have it sitting on the top of my record player right where I can see it every day. I just miss my mom so much.  

Rylee

[MartyT]

Of course you miss her, Rylee, and you will miss her always ~ but each time you let go of one of these objects, it forces you to confront your loss of her, and each time you manage to get through it, you are coming to terms with her death. This is a process ~ and you take it one small step at a time. Sometimes those steps are baby steps, and sometimes they are giant steps ~ but each time represents forward movement in your grief. I suspect that your mom is somewhere smiling down upon you, and very, very pleased to know that her wheelchair is serving someone who needs it far more than she does now. Giving it to a man who needs it was a wonderful way to honor your mom, and I hope it warms your heart to know that.

[iPraiseHim]

4 hours ago, Rylee said:

Today I gave my mother's wheelchair away.  

...In spite of that, I still feel sad that it's gone and that I won't have it here anymore. I still have things that I need to give away or sell of hers and each thing that leaves my house I cry. I just wish I could get through this without the extreme emotions attached to everything as they leave the house....  I just miss my mom so much.  

Rylee

Rylee, I understand.  I found that certain objects will trigger my grief, too!.  It is natural to not want to have to go through grief emotions but it is that very thing that has helped me to face the reality of my wife's death.  Yes it is painful but it also reminds me how much I loved and cared for my wife.

You too, deeply care for your Mom and this grief is another expression of your love for her.  It is natural and you are in a safe place to share your feelings.  I pray that as we face and experience these feelings that we can embrace and acknowledge our love, loss, and learn the lessons within our grief.  It takes time but it helps to face and express them.  - Shalom

[kayc]

My George was the most caring person I ever met.  I knew what he would want done with his things.  When his closet rod broke, dumping all his clothes on the floor, I knew it was a visible sign I was supposed to box them up and do something with him...I also knew where he'd want them to go.  He always cared about the down-and-out-ers and so I gave them to Sponsors for people getting released from prison that come there to reintegrate into society.  They leave with the clothes on their back, usually a pair of jogging pants and t-shirt, cheap tennis shoes, not much else.  They were so grateful for his clothes!  When I visited later on, it felt weird to see someone wearing something of his, but I also knew it'd make him happy to be given this one last chance to help someone out.  So I did it.

Years later I had to sell his leatherman knife, I was out of work, hadn't need for it and really needed the money.  I cried when it sold.  Sometimes when we get rid of something it feels like we're letting go of them all over again, even though he isn't his knife.  I also knew he'd want me to eat.

I think it was really wonderful of you to donate your mom's wheelchair to someone who had need of it.  I think you must have made her day!  But I also know how hard it was.

[Rylee]

Thank you for your words and support. I appreciate everything everyone is saying. I'm just having a harder time as Christmas gets closer. 

Rylee

[kayc]

I hope you've read Tips for Handling the Holidays in the tools section.
http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2015/11/coping-with-holidays-suggested.html

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/getting-through-the-holidays-when-you-are-newly-bereaved_us_582c7767e4b0466f4579334f?