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Martha  jane,

I apologize for not responding sooner to your heartfelt post. I also lost my husband of 40+ years in a manner similar to your husband's. He was hospitalized a dozen times since his cancer diagnosis six months before. He did contract c-diff during one of those stays . Sadly, a hospital is where you are most likely to contract it because of unclean conditions or workers. He was a diabetic with a heart condition requiring a pacemaker-defib. The cancer diagnosis was the straw that broke the camel's back. He developed sepsis after his second chemo treatment and was hospitalized for two weeks The night of his release, I took him to a different hospital where it was discovered he was still septic. Two weeks later, as all his organs failed, he aspirated into his lungs and was put on life support. A few days later, I had to make the decision to remove it. Hospice brought him home where he took his last breath nineteen hours later.

The following year, I watched my daughter die after a six year battle with Cancer.

This is perhaps the hardest journey you will ever take, but we will walk beside you on the path. For me, grief is never ending.

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7 minutes ago, Marg M said:

We just loved them so much we did not want to let them go no matter what.  I always said I was selfish.  

So true. I'm sure we never wanted our loves to be in pain but yet we still selfishly wanted them here.

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A heartbreaking story Martha Jane, and you have me deepest sympathy.

In the 17 years we were together [15 years married], I was as much a carer as I was a husband to my wife who had a whole host of medical conditions but most damagingly of all a hole in her heart which made her breathing difficult at times and she couldn't walk very far or run. We were constantly in and out of hospitals. There were times I got fustrated with her and almost lost patience. I tried not to show it but probably couldn't help but do so a few times. Guilt seems to be one of the most horrid things to deal with. Everyone I know, especially her family, says I virtually gave her a life and that I was wonderful to her. But I can't help but feel the opposite at times. We always wish we were better than we were with hindsight. Human nature I guess....

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3 hours ago, Dr Lenera said:

In the 17 years we were together [15 years married], I was as much a carer as I was a husband to my wife who had a whole host of medical conditions but most damagingly of all a hole in her heart which made her breathing difficult at times and she couldn't walk very far or run. We were constantly in and out of hospitals.

This was our life too for thirty-seven years except I was the one in an out of hospitals.  For thirty-seven years there was no doubt that I would be the one to go first.  I was positive I would not see forty, stunned when I hit fifty and still can't believe that I am sixty-four and still moving.  She was the health nut, the runner, on the go moving like a gnat all day long.  I was the one fighting one health issue after the next, there has never been a year since I was nineteen where I haven't hit my out-of-pocket maximum by mid March.  Picked up all three air-evac insurance plans as soon as they became available because of me.  C'est la vie! 

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17 hours ago, martha jane said:

She is a very good person to do what she did. She deserves extra stars in her crown when she gets to heaven. 

Martha Jane,

You're right, and I'm glad she has you.  You will both be of help to each other as you travel this road together.

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1 hour ago, Brad said:

This was our life too for thirty-seven years except I was the one in an out of hospitals.  For thirty-seven years there was no doubt that I would be the one to go first.  I was positive I would not see forty, stunned when I hit fifty and still can't believe that I am sixty-four and still moving.  She was the health nut, the runner, on the go moving like a gnat all day long.  I was the one fighting one health issue after the next, there has never been a year since I was nineteen where I haven't hit my out-of-pocket maximum by mid March.  Picked up all three air-evac insurance plans as soon as they became available because of me.  C'est la vie! 

In the case of my wife & i, it was always my wife with all the health issues. And a wrong diagnosis here and there over the years. Lupis was one that comes to mind now. Me- always insanely healthy. I had a small heart attack in the late 90's, and have a stent in me somewhere. Other than that, I have tempted fate more times than i'm proud of, and i'm like that old fashioned timex watch. I just keep on ticking. During those years of being my wife's caregiver, I pretty much ignored my health. I dealt with alot of stress that i always tried to be sure she never had to put up with. When i felt it coming on it was always a good time to go for a walk and get it out of my system. I begged God many times to transfer all those health problems off of her and onto me, but He wouldn't hear of it. God's ways aren't always easy to understand, but He's the boss. We have to accept His ways even if we don't agree with them or understand them. That's my view of it anyhow.

One foot in front of the other..

Darrel

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Kevin,

I so relate.  My whole reason for living was to take care of Al.  He had so many problems.  The last month or so the fluid building up in his legs started oozing out.  Twice a day I had to clean it, bandage them and put Ace bandages over it all.  We had to do this  before he got out of bed in the morning and then again later.  We were both exhausted most of the time.  I would have done it forever, if I could have him here.  He barely ate then and I would count the calories and supplement it with Ensure.

 

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1 hour ago, Gin said:

Kevin,

I so relate.  My whole reason for living was to take care of Al.  He had so many problems.  The last month or so the fluid building up in his legs started oozing out.  Twice a day I had to clean it, bandage them and put Ace bandages over it all.  We had to do this  before he got out of bed in the morning and then again later.  We were both exhausted most of the time.  I would have done it forever, if I could have him here.  He barely ate then and I would count the calories and supplement it with Ensure.

 

I encountered a terrible nightmare once while changing a bandage on my wife. She had to go thru 2 attempts at getting the tubing installed when we had been talked into peritoneal diaysis being my wife's best alternative for dialysis. Wasn't in the rite position the first time, so it took another attempt. I had been cautioned to UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES even attempt to change the bandaging. Infection was too risky they told me. But the sutures got badly infected while we were waiting to be approved for home health care to come and do it. We were watching tv in bed one evening and we both started to smell something really rancid. So I did the no-no. I removed bandaging, and what I found really upset both of us. The cap to a ballpoint pin laying rite on top of the sutures. Nurses should not even be allowed to use pens with removable caps, for this very reason. Whoever put the bandage on in the recovery room of the hospital's outpatient surgery got terribly sloppy. I'm sure it wasn't intentional, but the damage wasn't any less severe. To correct that carelessness required a 2 month stay in a long-term facility for daily infection pump therapy just to get a handle on the infection caused by that stupidity. Unfortunately, health care in Texas has an extremely powerful lobby. It''s pretty much impossible to win almost any kind of malpractice situation here. And at the time my only concern was getting my wife well. Needless to say, after that we gave up on the peritoneal option. 

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Thanks for the kindness Marty. That happened in Feb/March of 2015. Her last year was pretty much one miserable event after another. But through it all she tried to keep a stiff upper life and stay upbeat (more for my benefit than her own, I think). I sometimes wonder what I could have done differently or better, but i pretty much always come up with the same answer...nothing. All the mistakes, etc. were done by others that had the experience or training to make the better or different decisions. But after everything else is said and done, they are just as human as i am. I still get a bit mad when i think about that misplaced ballpoint pen cap. In spite of that though, I still consider nurses to be angels of mercy. They just shouldn't be allowed to use pens with removable caps. Thanks again for your kind thoughts and words. 

One foot in front of the other...

Darrel

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18 minutes ago, olemisfit said:

Thanks for the kindness Marty. That happened in Feb/March of 2015. Her last year was pretty much one miserable event after another. But through it all she tried to keep a stiff upper life and stay upbeat (more for my benefit than her own, I think). I sometimes wonder what I could have done differently or better, but i pretty much always come up with the same answer...nothing. All the mistakes, etc. were done by others that had the experience or training to make the better or different decisions. But after everything else is said and done, they are just as human as i am. I still get a bit mad when i think about that misplaced ballpoint pen cap. In spite of that though, I still consider nurses to be angels of mercy. They just shouldn't be allowed to use pens with removable caps. Thanks again for your kind thoughts and words. 

One foot in front of the other...

Darrel

Darrel I'm sorry that you and your love had to experience such "carelessness". I'm not sure what is going on with medical professionals these days but I am very disappointed in their lack of attentiveness. After my love was in and out the hospital the doctors were aware of the drop in his heart function and of course the extensive am out of antibodies that were causing his heart to reject yet after his last appointment in October they scheduled one at the end of December, which I believe was way too far out. Now I'm left wondering if he was seen earlier would he still be alive today. 

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Darrel, I'm so sorry something like that happened.  I cannot get started on doctors, I worked for them for 43 years and while we had some very nice/reputable/caring doctors the almighty dollar made clinics turn some of them into machines, timing them 15 minutes to a patient.  One totally saved my life.  He was an arrogant SOB that had to take anger management training and I loved him so much.  But, he said "I'm not a huggy person."  He was a damn good doctor though. I thought it was only after I got on Medicare (I have Blue Cross also, but would usually only see PA's and those nurses that can write prescriptions. (Which I liked her better than the doc's)

I'm so sorry we have to see our loved ones go through all this pain.  I'm sorry we have to go through it too.   I wish there was a "happily ever after."  

 

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Darrel,

This is not the first time I've heard of a ballpoint pen cap being left somewhere it shouldn't.  It could be so easily remedied!  I'm so sorry your wife had that experience!

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1 minute ago, kayc said:

Darrel,

This is not the first time I've heard of a ballpoint pen cap being left somewhere it shouldn't.  It could be so easily remedied!  I'm so sorry your wife had that experience!

The easiest remedy is so simple. If i can think of it, then it obviously isn't brain science or rocket surgery (see, i can't even get that rite!). The only pens allowed in the possession of medical staff are the sort that cock. Hell, they wouldn't even cost the hospitals anything. The drug companies give them away by the case every day. DUH!

One foot in front of the other...

Darrel

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