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Feeling worse than 100 punches in the face - UPDATE - feeling 50 punches less worse


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Sigh. I don't have the energy to fully explain this and it may seem like small potatoes in the scheme of things, but long story short, last night I managed to recover some old text messages in a free texting app from Crystal that I have been trying to recover for the last year from my dead old phone. Miraculously the phone came to life last night.

I was joyous and it even included some voice messages from her. Hearing her voice again was heartbreaking and joyous in combination. I was so happy to have recovered this treasure trove. We were talking to each other about Christmas presents.

I spent a few minutes listening to them, then decided I needed to back the messages up asap, so connected the old phone to the internet. Doing this appears to have deleted them all from the app.

I managed to save a few other messages from her in a different place but the motherload seems to be gone.

I've spent the last day contacting customer support, looking for rescue software, everything. I even contacted the CEO of the company on Twitter. So far, no luck.

I just hate myself. I felt like I had her back, briefly. In my hands. I had her VOICE, her laughter and her love, right there, coming back to save me. Gone again in an instant.

This feels like a sick joke, like someone somewhere is laughing at me.

As Crystal used to say in her southern drawl when something unexpected happened - 'Well, Shootfire'.

 

 

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I'm so sorry, Finch. I know this feels like yet another loss for you . . . :(

For years and years after my father died, I held onto a reel-to-reel audio tape-recording of what I always thought was my father singing and playing songs on his banjo with his brother. I so looked forward to once again hearing my father's voice on that tape, but somehow didn't feel ready to listen to it. Years and years went by. Finally I paid someone to have the tape transcribed onto a CD, and even more years later, one day mustered up the courage to play it for myself ~ only to discover that the only voice on the CD was that of my uncle. Nothing from my father. All those years I truly believed that at least I had tucked away a recording of my father's voice, and comforted myself in thinking that one day I'd feel strong enough to listen. I fantasized over and over again how wonderful it would be to listen to that recording, just imagining how special it would be to hear his voice again. I cannot begin to describe the disappointment, pain and profound sense of loss I felt when I finally played that CD. It felt like I'd been hit by a truck. Or, as you say, like more than 100 punches in the face. Profound feelings of loss, all over again. I share this with you only to indicate that at least one person has some sense of how much you are hurting right now ~ and my heart just hurts for you . . . :(

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Finch, it is likely still there, even if deleted. Most delete processes don't actually erase anything, they just make the space now available for new files to overwrite the space. If you haven't saved anything else to the phone, somebody should be able to recover it for you. Google under message recovery or file recovery. I'll bet you can find someone who can help.

 

DaveM

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Marty, thanks for the very supportive words and for sharing the sad tale with the reel audio tape. I can definitely relate to that feeling of loss. Maybe you can take something positive from the fact that you gathered up the courage to listen to it after all that time, even if the outcome was not what you had dreamed of. Might your father have been playing the banjo even if it was your Uncle singing?

Dave, thanks. I haven't given up completely and am investigating every data recovery method know to humans.

I will update this thread if I have a happy ending to this saga. 

 

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A couple weeks after George died, all of his messages disappeared from his cellphone.  I hadn't expected that to happen and I was devastated.  I thought since I had "saved" them they wouldn't delete.  It's been years, I no longer have the phone so it's gone, but I can relate to how you're feeling.  About a year later it happened on our landline messaging, again, I was caught off guard, it felt like another piece of him was gone.  The good thing is, I can still hear his voice in my mind.  I wish I had something I could play anytime though.

I hope you find someone who can help you recover it.

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I'm so so sorry Finch. ?.  Do not blame yourself for the messages going kafluee.  We each carry too much pain without taking on more.  I'm thinking you must have felt like it was a miracle to find the messages.  Maybe that was Crystal's miracle gift for you to treasure in your heart and in your memories.

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I have lots of pictures of  Al, but no voice.  Al and I would go to an outdoor patriotic band concert every year.   When the band played the military song related to your branch of the military, you would stand.  I decided to try to video parts of the concert with my iPad.  I got the part where Al stood up.  I know the Navy song, but not sure of the others.  Above the sound of the band, you could hear me asking Al what song was being played.  His answer was "Marines".   You can't believe how many times I have played that video just to hear that one word from him.

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For about three years before Jim's Alzheimer's Disease set in I gave him a tape recorder so he could talk about his life as he remembered it. He started with his parents and got as far as our daughter's birth. It is a treasure I have and I love to listen to him talk about his early life and later life. He had a real sense of humor. I think he erased more than he recorded! I also have our old telephone message machine with his voice telling people that if I don't know you hang up because I don't want to talk to you. ;)

Their voices are so special to us ~ no matter how long their death happened. My Jim would have a lot to say about all the telemarketing calls that come to us now! 

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I know I have said it before, but I have so many rcordings of Steve's voice in his music.  Also our answering machine too, tho I try and grab calls (mostly telemarketers) before they trigger it.  Even after 2 years I can't listen to his music.  What I really miss is normal conversation.  Just hearing him talk either to me, the dogs or buddies.  Sometimes I forget how he sounded.  His music is too much of a trigger tho.  I have been using the TV as background noise but couldn't take tonight and turned it off.  So quiet  without  that guy.  :(

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I too really miss our conversations. If I were able to have conversations,  I could be "fine" with this new life where I cannot see him or touch him anymore. I can't stand the pain of not being able to have a conversation, an exchange, a dialogue. I hear the echo of my voice. I cannot stand this permanent silence. I know there are techniques like journaling but I want "him" to talk with me!

Doesn't matter, I want him back. End.

 

 

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I too have pictures but no voice recordings.  Last night I pulled out the collage I made for George's memorial service, it took me 17 hours straight to put it together.  As I looked over all of the pictures, it struck me how radiant we looked as we looked at each other.  I've never seen myself look so happy at any other time in my life, that was by far the happiest time in my life and it shows!

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23 minutes ago, kayc said:

I too have pictures but no voice recordings.  Last night I pulled out the collage I made for George's memorial service, it took me 17 hours straight to put it together.  As I looked over all of the pictures, it struck me how radiant we looked as we looked at each other.  I've never seen myself look so happy at any other time in my life, that was by far the happiest time in my life and it shows!

I know your feelings all to well. What I wouldn't give to hear my wife's voice. But I have to settle for the pictures. I'm going to wear out the photo albums, but that's okay. I get sad when i think that the pictures of her is what i have to settle for now, but i suppose the pictures have to be better than nothing. My favorite is the one i used for my profile picture. It's of us at our wedding reception. It perfectly shows the complete bliss we were both feeling that day. Oh, how i will always miss her. And the permanent sparkle in her eyes.

Skye and Darrel 001.jpg

One foot in front of the other...

Darrel

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4 hours ago, scba said:

I could be "fine" with this new life where I cannot see him or touch him anymore. I can't stand the pain of not being able to have a conversation, an exchange, a dialogue. I hear the echo of my voice.

 

 

 

I don't have any recordings of Dale either and I was just thinking pretty much the same thing that Ana said just the other night.  I miss his deep, smooth, comforting voice and so wish I had a recording of it.  I have pictures, which I cherish, but not hearing his voice is heart breaking.  Although if I did have a recording of him, I'm not too sure I could listen to it that it might bring to much pain not having the real thing.

Joyce

 

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Darrel,

And I dare say, I believe YOU put the sparkle in her eyes!  :rolleyes:

Joyce,

I remember the first time I heard George's voice, it was over a telephone, I was so pleasantly surprised, I LOVED his voice!  It endeared me to him, very much.

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2 minutes ago, kayc said:

And I dare say, I believe YOU put the sparkle in her eyes!  :rolleyes:

Joyce,

Joyce, that was very sweet and kind of you to say. I had heard one time that one of the worst things that a husband could say to a wife was "you make me feel comfortable", so i never said that. But she did always make me feel like i could get away with just being myself. I always worked at deserving her love and loyalty. Thank you for your complement.

One foot in front of the other...

Darrel

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!!UPDATE!!

 

I hope I'm not jinxing it, but I wanted to let you all know... I found a way!

 

I found a way to retrieve the voice messages at least, if not the texts. But her voice. I've got more of her voice back. I'm so relieved. 5 days of frantic internet research.

 

It's a lengthy process to convert them all, there are nearly 3000 voice messages I can potentially salvage. But by golly, I'm going to do it. 40 restored so far, 2960 to go.

She was joking to me about Doctor Who, a TV show we were both fans of. And the noise of a construction site opposite her house, and a strange man on a Vespa, and the way we both pronounce the word Antarctica differently. I'd totally forgotten about that.

It makes me sad to hear us laughing and in love. But it also makes me happy. And relieved.

I didn't realise there were so many. But then, our relationship was in large part digital. Which is why so much of it is recorded in some way. Something which I have to treasure as much as I can, as there are no pictures of us together or memories of hugging her or holding her hand.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Finch,

I'm so glad for you!  You have much to treasure.  Me, I only have memories...I hope I never get dementia.

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