Overwhelmed

[LostInGrief]

Hey all. This is my first post. I'm 19 years old, female, lost my mom 3 months ago very suddenly to heart attack. She was 46 years old and we were all blindsighted. She had been sick but no one was expecting it.

I woke up to my dad calling my name. At first I thought it was just him waking me up for work, but then something in his voice. It sounded wrong. I immediately woke up and asked what was wrong. He was standing in the hallway saying my name and staring into his bedroom. I bolted up and asked if it was mom and if she was ok. I ran into the bedroom and she was laying on the bed arms outstretched stiff. Her eyes were glazed over, she had vomit on her face. I immediately grabbed my phone and called 911.

I started to panic as my dad went into hysterics in the background. I did my best to tell the operator what was happening. I put her on speaker so she could walk my dad through CPR. Air came out of her mouth as he pushed but she wasn't breathing. He told me to get out of the room and wait for the paramedics. Just as I was about to leave the room, one of my dogs walked in to see what was going on. I'll never forget that expression she had on her face when she realized. She came in wagging her tail, and then she saw mom on the floor and....Her face just fell. Her whole expression changed and she hung her head and her tail. I gently ushered her and my other dog to kennels, moving things so they could get the stretcher in and sat on the porch. I was in total shock. When the paramedics arrived I watched as they told my dad "I'm sorry buddy. She's cold. She's gone."  

My dad broke out into even worse hysterics screaming that she wasn't that sick and her name over and over again. The rest of the day was the longest day in the world. My grandmother came to see us. She had plans to visit my mom that day. I watched as we had the best officers get her out of there before we had to bring my brother home. My brother. My not even at his 16th birthday yet, brother. The one who my mom would never get to see graduate. The one who went to school that morning with a mom. The one who would come home without one. 

I watched my dad tell my brother at a church parking lot with tears running down his face what happened. The moment my brother realized he'd never see his mom again. The hug we shared in tears together. 

Every day I have flash backs to that day. Every day I remember her face when we found her. My dad screaming for me. My brother. Most nights I have nightmares. Before it was worse. It's not as bad now but I always wake up alert, afraid something happened to someone. Every day I think about her. Before it was always how much I missed her, how unfair it was. I was a huge mama's girl and was barely ever away from her. We were best friends, and now I will never see her again. Hear her voice, talking to me, singing songs to me, and telling me how much she loved me. 

I'm overwhelmed by how much I miss her and my new responsibilities in the family. I keep the family together. I do a vast majority of the chores, maintaining the house, dinner, I work a part time job, I take care of my brother, and take care of 4 animals. While it's not a lot in terms of work, it feels like it. Every day, I feel like I'm just kind of..not me anymore. Like I lost large pieces of me. I feel like I'm mom 2.0 and failing miserably. In addition to that I have an overall depressed feeling. A depressed deep down in my soul. I can smile, and laugh, but there's always a sigh following.  My fiancee has noticed and she's worried about me. She thinks maybe I need to connect with other's to help me not feel so isolated. Maybe this post will help other's feel not so isolated. Maybe it will help me too.

[kayc]

I am so sorry that you are going through this.  I lost my dad when I was young but my mom lived 32 more years without him.  I do think it's harder when you're younger, especially when you're blindsided.  That's how it was with my husband, he just had his 51st birthday, his birthday banner was still up, and he died of a heart attack.  We hadn't been aware he had heart trouble, he looked terrific, not an ounce of fat on him.

It feels unfair because it is unfair.  We don't get an allotted amount of time with them like we'd think, it seems there's no rhyme or reason as to who death strikes and when.  

It's not good that all of the responsibilities are falling on you.  Perhaps your brother could take over the feeding the animals and you could all three do the housework on Saturday mornings?  That way it wouldn't fall totally on you.  It'd be worth a family discussion.  When my kids were growing up we all had our chores, we rotated some and others were permanent.  We discussed who wanted to do what.  It helps.  When someone is working full time it's hard to keep everything up at home.  I realize you're only working part time, but going from your mom doing everything to you doing it is quite an adjustment.

Hearing you talking about "that moment" of discovery...I think we all have flashbacks to that time that haunts us.  It is a before and after moment that your life hinges on.  Nothing is ever the same again.  I don't want to leave you without hope though...the day my husband died was the worst day of my life, along with the days that followed.  It was the hardest thing I'd ever been through, and that's saying alot.  But I've learned that the intensity you have in the beginning, the excruciating pain, it diminishes eventually.  Time alone does not heal, but it's what you do with that time.  It's important to do grief work, which I realize is hard when you're exhausted and tired from the emotional toil.  It helps to see a professional grief counselor, all of you, to help you know where to begin in this maze of grief.

Grief has a beginning but not an ending.  The rest of your life you will miss your mother.  It will hit you on those special days in your life as she's not there physically to go through it with you.  BUT grief does not stay the same.  It is a journey and it evolves throughout that journey.  I've learned not to fear it but to let it flow, to allow myself to cry.  I've learned how important self-care is.  Making sure to eat healthy, drink water, get exercise, and have some "me" time is important.  You say you are feeling overwhelmed with the responsibilities, all the more reason for your family to be in grief counseling, it's something you could broach with the counselor and have them suggest ways to distribute the responsibilities if you're uncomfortable bringing it up with your dad and your brother yourself.

I'm glad you have your fiance and that she is astute and caring.  
Here's some ways she can support your in your grief:
http://emilyrlong.com/how-to-support-someone-who-is-grieving/ 

My dad died as I was expecting my first child.  He would have been the wonderful grandparent, the one to teach them things, the one to play with them, take them on hikes and camping...but he never got to meet them.  I learned to keep his memory alive to them by telling them stories about him and telling them how proud he'd be of them when they had a special accomplishment or something noteworthy.  I made sure they had something of his and I had a picture of him up in a frame for them to see.  I talked about the family traditions I grew up with and how I felt about my dad.  All of these things made him a real person to them, even though they didn't get to meet him firsthand.

I truly believe we will be reunited.  I believe their body gave out but their spirit continues, and who knows but what they may hear us and see what we go through.  Perhaps they are with us for weddings and graduations and births of children, and even the ordinary days when we cry out to them.  The body dies but the love continues and nothing can ever take that from us.

[LostInGrief]

Sorry for the belated response and thank you for your kind words.. It means a lot, and really made me feel better to have some one respond. I cannot imagine your pain and difficulty with grieving and going through a pregnancy..Both are hard enough on their own. Haven't been pregnant yet but I want kids someday and I know that pregnancy is a tough tough time. That was something that broke my heart knowing my mom would never be a grandmother. My fiancee said that she got a chance to with my dog babies, which is true, but I wish she would have gotten to meet her future human ones.

My dad still does a lot of things (too many to list) but my brother never really has. I tried to have a talk with my brother about it and he just brushed me off and blew me off on doing any chores and really upset and frustrated me.. My brother's closest thing to chores is taking out the garbage (which I've been doing), getting the dogs water (which I did mostly but he did it today yay!), and putting his clothes in the laundry bin. He won't even do his homework no matter what the reward or discipline is. He's at that frustrating edgy tween age we all went through. I hope he'll find someone to help him try harder in high school because if it wasn't for my fiancee I would not have graduated. I know he feels it's useless now but that piece of paper is so important for jobs around here. He is just kind of in his own bubble and always has been. Him and I are close somewhat but he's just always been a strange kid. He is very snarky, sarcastic and one of those people who can't keep quiet when he really should.. Always afraid he's gonna come home with a bloody nose because of the things he says to people at school. Kinda like a 11 year old trapped in highschool. He even looks that young and is just starting to learn simple every day things. In the last few years, he has learned how to blow his nose, tie his shoes, and fairly recently cut up his own food.. (To be fair the only time we really require to cut up our food is Thanksgiving or other family gatherings but still..Just now learning that?) And to be honest, I don't know how the loss is really impacting him. He cried the one time and got teary eyed at the viewing, but since then I just don't know how he's processing it all. He had mentioned he had regretted an argument he had with mom a couple days before but that was it. I just have a feeling he's not processing it right. He was more upset when he was about 10 and lost his mouse..Grieved for weeks. He used to be a really sensitive kid but he's changed in many ways. He's asexual and just very..Him I guess. There's no other real words I have on his personality. He can also be very sweet still but I just don't know with him. He was ridiculously spoiled by our mom. I was too, but I had been doing chores and taking care of him from a young age as my dad worked full time, and while my mother did not she was bipolar and had many issues that fell onto me. She got help and got much better, but then the few months before she had numbness and tingling in her limbs. It got to the point where she couldn't open things, couldn't drive, and couldn't write that well. I guess in the autopsy they had said she had rather high doses of her medication. (The one the doctor's swore up and down wouldn't cause what she had but..I have my doubts.) 

We had gone to a counselor one time. I was very excited to finally have a therapist because I knew I needed one for years. Panic attacks, anxiety, in extreme times hallucinations. I could always tell what was happening but terrifying still. I had talked to my mom about it and described what happened and she was shocked and said that she had one exactly like it years before.. Anyhow long story short she had gone to the doctors the day of.. Not even 16 hours before. She begged and pleaded and my dad tried to tell the doc how bad it was, and the doc brushed it off and wouldn't listen. The doctor was very uncooperative with the police, and there is a possibility of a lawsuit. Total jerk. Her other doctor was very kind and arranged the therapy for us with a coworker where my brother and I would get therapy, and my dad a bit, but we could still put it under his insurance which was going to be a tremendous help. But then when the report came back, my grandparents are pushing to sue THAT doctor. So now I don't feel comfortable telling her anything because she works in the same office, they are colleagues and that seems complicated and like it could cause problems.

And with our the whole health care situation right now..yikes. It's over 200 dollars a session around here and that's a lot for me right now. That's more than my weekly pay. So that really is frustrating. As well as the free clinics in my area I don't qualify for since my dad now has one less person to include as a dependent so we're way out of the threshold. While logically I know my mental health is more important there's so many costs right now with the cremation, our mortgage, bills, my dad is up in the air about moving states, and when I finally do get the insurance worked out my priority has to be my cardiologist. I'm already known to have heart problems, already had a heart monitor and in the past year, have fainting spells, and am high risk for a heart attack before I'm 50 as well..Got the same heart murmur my mom had. 

The responsibilities of the pets fall on me because all the animals of the household are technically mine. The cat was shared custody between my mom and I, but his litter box and food is in my room. The litter box I used to refuse to change but I found a wonderful litter box that makes my life soo easy because I can put a garbage bag in it and no mess, no dogs eating it! His food is no big deal.

The big dog wasn't technically mine but then she chose me. I potty trained her from pee pads, made her behavior manageable, and turned her into a completely different dog. I used to worry she would hurt someone or escape. Now she is much less stubborn and one time after I let her out without realizing the backdoor was open she went out the gate..and came to the front door and knocked! She requires more. The multiple feedings, letting her out multiple times, deshedding, weekly ear feedings, monthly flea medicine and baths, to name the main ones.

My small dog is my dog because I brought her home and I was just kinda like "This is my dog now." Everyone fell in love and my mom was so proud I was responsible enough to orchestrate a whole vet outing, pulling together the money, before I had a job and when I couldn't drive when an animal was in need. She was dangerously thin, weighed half of what the other puppies did and half her litter had died, and she was the last one left. I swear she hung on from me going to there when I could and showing her attention and love. That night when I decided to keep her, she was being kept outside in the freezing cold and so I held her in my arms in my jackets for hours..Until I could get her to a vet. She really did pick me as her owner and we immediately clicked. Sweetest, most obedient dog in the world. Almost became my service animal but she was overly protective of me in public. She only has the feeding, multiple outings that are super fast because she speeds back in, the flea stuff, and bath time is no hassle because she loves baths. 

The mouse is mine because I was the one who convinced my mom to let me get him. My dad was so against it but eventually relented. He is super sweet, but is the smelliest mouse in the world. I have never had a mouse or other animal be this smelly. He requires an air filter by him at all times and multiple air fresheners and a charcoal filter. It's bad. And he requires time consuming cage cleanings. Feedings and waterings are easy but I'm sure he's lonely because I have been so busy.  My fiancee was going to take in the mouse but then her family wouldn't let her.

The newest addition I didn't even have when I wrote the above is a hedgehog. I know right? Complains I have too much to do, then gets another. But the hedgehog was my dad's olive branch for all I do and for what I'm going through. I had really wanted one because I had been going on and on about them for weeks. I had shown my mom a video for Mother's Day with cute baby hedgehogs and their mom and a song singing about world's greatest mom. She had cried and I still cry seeing it. It was a sweet memory that was in my mind and I wanted to be closer to it I think. I think she would absolutely love the hedgehog I got. I got him for an incredible deal of craigslist and they lived three streets away. He's 2 years old and came with almost everything. He needed a good home and someone to love him. He just needs feedings, he doesn't stink, watering, and taking him out is easy. He hangs out in my pockets, doesn't make a mess and explores. He's still very shy but he'll come around. 

Overall though the benefits of my pets far outweigh the costs, and responsibilities.They give me purpose, a feeling of love, comfort me, help with my anxiety and panic attacks, and something to focus on when I need something to distract me, a project to research. I always have research and things to hyper focus on with them. The worst of the responsibilities is worrying over them and being allergic to them which requires more vacuuming and deshedding. It really is worth it though and for someone who's self treating all this and as much I have on my plate 5 animals & some St Johns Wort seems like a low cost compared to what I had before. No hallucinations since I got my small dog. I trained her to listen for sounds, so I can ask her "Who dares?" to see if it's in my head. While I'd know for the most part they were in my head, they could get convincing.

Mostly it just one of those looking at a list and going "wow..this is a crazy amount of stuff to do.." but then mostly it's not so bad. It keeps me busy but it does stress me out. I find it hard to remember things especially with so much going on so I have to use a white board and checklists to keep me in line but there's always something I forget. I really wanted my fiancee to move in to help me with all this, but she does have a dog, no ability to drive (but has a car), and a job that requires transportation. My job is work at home, but high stress due to the boss, but works out well for all these responsibilities. Dad has said if we move she is coming with us. But I have a huge fear we will HAVE to give up one of our pets and my bet is big dog.. But who knows but that point? Things change so quickly, plans change, some of our animals are old-ish (but have the potential for a couple more years), so there's no telling what will be going on then. Just life went from very stable to an everyday roller-coaster, emotions, responsibilities, income, and everything I knew thrown into the air.

I do believe that the soul lives on too. My mother was such a strong, creative and beautiful person. While I watched some of the worst be stolen from her from caffeine, her medicine, and smoking, I still remember some of the best. The bipolar made her the most creative emotionally driven person I knew. She had the largest heart and she was an artist. She painted the most beautiful things I still have to this day. But the bipolar did leave her prone to when her body was under high stress to hallucinate. Mostly bad. But one I remember to this day was when I was little and she saw her younger brother who had died when he was in his 20's. She had seen a shadow that looked like an angel and told me he was watching over me. Maybe that part wasn't in her mind, but not too long later she thought someone was trying to gun down my grandpa in the street and was yelling at them not to hurt him. Her caffeine gave her the energy to keep up with us kids when the medicine sapped her energy. But how it made her age. Same with the cigarettes.The medical examiner had even put in the autopsy she looked way older than her age. They helped her anxiety. But they didn't help me as much and I hated them. She had tried to quit so many times and was trying again when she passed. The medicine kept her from slipping into the bad hallucinations, the scary ones where we feared she would wander out into the street and hurt herself. But it made it where she couldn't feel emotions the same. And contributed to her weakness. But two sides of a coin to everything. She was truly a beautiful person and touched the lives of those around her. There was nothing she loved more than my brother and I.

My fiancee did look at the link, thank you My mom adored my fiancee and would be so proud of how much of a help she's been. She loved her so much and would always tell me how much of a keeper she was and ask how our relationship was doing, and every day asked me after my phone call with her how her day was going, what was going on in her life. That was something I was glad my mom got to witness, when I proposed to her. My mom had given her a hug and almost had tears in her eyes when she hugged her and welcomed her to the family. She's been amazing. All the 5 am phone calls, she came over and spent the first night with me which was so helpful, and has been so great. This has put a huge strain on me which can cause some squabbles but we love each other, and have our love and dedication to being with each other help us talk it out. She has been very understanding and forgiving and patient with me. 

Wow sorry this post was so lengthy, I guess I had a lot to say!

[kayc]

I agree you shouldn't see a counselor in the same building as the doctors you're suing.  There are counselors that will charge according to your income, you just need to call around, but it needs to be someone who specializes in GRIEF because some are not trained in grief.

Your dad should handle your brother. It's not the norm to not do homework and refuse to do chores, I did lots when I was a teenager and so did my kids.  Again, it's up to the parents to establish the rules and enforce, not you.  Perhaps you could move out and share an apt. with someone, this really isn't your responsibility and it's too much for you at this time.

I, too, get a lot of benefit from my pets.  They give me incentive to keep going and a good reason to come home.

[LostInGrief]

Since I'm 100% dependent on my dad's income (and counted as a dependent in taxes), it goes off of his and my total of income which puts me above free or reduced clinics. I had called to them before and made appointments when I had been kicked off my medicaid because I aged out and no longer fell under coverage, but they were not grief counselors anyways. I did not qualify before mom, and now after our insurance has gone up astronomically. Like dollar value we can't afford and have to get a different plan or nothing.

He does handle him mostly. He drives him to and from school, puts clothes on his back, makes sure he has a home, and all that stuff. He says that it's his son and to let him handle it but he's very forgetful about some of his other things my brother ought to be doing on his own at home and he shouldn't have to be fighting with a 16 year old to brush his teeth. He's not necessarily impossible to get to do some of the stuff like that, just a reminder on those things. Homework he is. I don't even bother with it anymore otherwise I have to sit down with him the whole time. His grades are poor, before he was sleeping in class. It's not my responsibility like assigned to me but I've taken some of it on. It's what my mom would have wanted and it makes it easier on my dad dealing with him. My dad is rather delicate right now and I don't need my brother saying something jerkish he regrets because he can be rather rude and hurtful for no reason. The only things I really deal with him now is reminding him do things like brush his teeth, and ask politely if he will do something for me like fill up the dogs water, or take the dogs out. Most days he's pretty good about it, but sometimes he'll get a little grumpy about it, which I don't really care if he does. Sometimes I ask him if he's giving my dad a hard time to take it easy on him and remind him what he's going through.  I sympathize with a lot of what my brother is going through with school and used to give my parents the same kind of unruliness but in different ways. My dad isn't really involved deeply with making sure he's doing what he should be at school because he feels he should be independent there and gets frustrated with riding on him about it. And he should be independent there but the schooling..It's bad. Not as bad as a D school mind you, but bad. The teachers aren't involved, they generally aren't helpful if you ask questions or don't understand because the teachers don't even understand it. I know from first hand experience I went to that school. Had some of the same teachers even. I was good at the exact same subjects, I slacked off in the same ways, and I required my mom and my fiancee to be active in my schooling to help me graduate because the curriculum was hard, I thought it was pointless, and didn't understand so it would make me feel dumb and I'd give up. So he needs that in his life and my dad doesn't have the patience to be like how I can help him with the homework. Right now another school isn't an option unless we move. He'll most likely have virtual school with will be easier for him in some ways and I can help him with that easier. I can't be chasing him and his teachers around for the incredible amount of work he doesn't do.

And rule enforcing is slightly my job, in some of the rules. My rules I enforce though aren't generally the same kind dad enforces though. I generally give a rule more as a suggestion/If-you-don't-I'll-have-dad-enforce-it kind of rule. It's kind of like second in command more than chief but I do let my dad lean on me for support emotional and otherwise when needed because it doesn't take a lot out of me. It's more of sadness of the whole situation and stressing over things that takes the most out of me. Since roles all change around in the loss in a family I defaulted to the motherly one, because I was always my mom's second in command, the most like her, and helped with everything she did. I just wasn't ready to take on the full chief mom position. And I don't really. I just do what I used to do daily, with grieving. But the grieving generally sticks to late at night. That's always been my healing, thinking, and processing private time. My grieving was more open with my family at first, now I'm much more private about it and besides my pets, only my fiancee is there for it. That's just what I feel comfortable with.

Moving out is an unreasonable thing that I have no desire to do for me right now, even if I could. I have no friends who live on their own, (Plus I don't even do overnights with friends anymore because I can't sleep without my animals and in other places very well) and I don't have the income, transportation, or full ability to live on my own without anyone. The amount of money to support myself and pets at an apt. would be $1500 a month (bills, food, rent, ect). I don't make anywhere near that. That is months of saving for me. I don't feel comfortable moving elsewhere without my pets because they are my main treatment for the mental right now. In low income housing there are waiting lists for months, and they are veryveryvery bad areas. My fiancee lives in one and woke up to one morning a bullet hole in their family car. And not for the first time. Due to the nature of my fainting spells, I need people around me aware of how dangerous they can be and what is going on when they happen. It also is where even if I could legally drive I would not for fear of hurting someone because I can faint while sitting. (I had also meant to type in my second response that I had an EP study done on my heart). My shifting mental status also makes it healthier to be around people I trust, because they make sure I go out with people and check on me frequently. I also get very fearful of being alone in unknown places and situations. And as far as living here goes all my bills are paid for, my insurance is paid for, I am fed, I am in a nice neighborhood, my animals are allowed to be here, I have transportation where I want and need to go, I have family, people who care about me, people who understand I am not always mentally sound and how to help me when I need it, people watching out for my medical well being, I am not physically, sexually or mentally abused, ect. Previous living situations had not always guaranteed these things. All these are things I can not guarantee elsewhere and all of those things would be my own responsibilities. When it's put that way it's easy to see for only doing chores that pertain to my animals, watching over my brother in some ways, and making dinner isn't that bad. It's just a lot for me to handle right now but moving out would be a ridiculous amount more. 

Thanks for the suggestion though. I do love my animals and they are a huge part of me and have helped me so much in my life.

[kayc]

I'm sorry, I can see you've already thought about this, I didn't mean to make you explain yourself.  I understand, my insurance is $900/month and doesn't pay for any of my medical care, I'd have to meet the deductible first, not even routine labwork, so I get it.  When I was working my employer paid for insurance and it was only $500/month and covered everything with low deductible.  Insurance has gotten ridiculous, no one can afford it without Obamacare supplements!

It sounds like you and your father are interdependent and part of that is your helping look after the household, including your brother.  It seems like a lot for someone your age to deal with.  I guess all you can do is talk to your dad about it when you feel overloaded.

I also understand your feelings about your animals.  Mine also mean everything to me.

Right now you're grieving and so is your dad and brother and that makes everything harder than usual.  Your mom was probably the glue that held everything together, they usually are.

Someone suggested lavender for calming effect...I personally don't like the smell but if you can tolerate it, you might try that, I've heard it really does work.

There are a LOT of resources here on this site that Marty has posted.  I hope you can take some time to explore this site, she has a blog, there are Tools for healing, lot of articles, there is just a lot of information and since she is a grief counselor, it's like availing yourself to all of the resources without having to pay for it!  I've done a lot of reading here and have saved links I want to explore again, etc.

[LostInGrief]

I don't mind going through it all. I had thought about moving about before I was even out of highschool because I had planned to move out with my fiancee upon graduation. So it wasn't uncommon for my friends and I to look at local housing for rent/for sale and plan out a budget. Then I couldn't find a job for years, and situations changed. Absolutely on the insurance. It's aggravating to say the least with how out of hand it has gotten. 

We have an unusual dependency on each other that just works. It's very symbiotic. I had figured out that for the most part I believe what is giving me the overwhelmed feeling is general stress. Most those things used to be things I used to like doing. But when I get over-stressed everything is suddenly a mountain. I'm trying to take the st john's wort more consistently, get more sleep and try not to stress. It seems like every little bit of stress is overstressing me. Everything from my boss wants me to do something stupid and difficult that isn't in my job description, to just thinking about all the things that I have to do. I've taken days off of work and have been trying to sleep more, but I'm still pretty exhausted.

I can't wait until my days off this week because I still intend for my brother's birthday to go to see the monster trucks like I had planned with my mom. I spent a crazy amount of money on it but it was very important to me to do that "unfinished business" I had with my mom. The one bit of unfinished business I'll never be able to get that hurts my soul is one last hug. That night of late at night when I came inside after my phone call with my fiancee, I had the world's strongest urge to go hug her and tell her I loved her and that I hoped she felt better.. I thought at first that she might be asleep, but I heard her getting sick. I decided that she was probably tired and that I would just tell her in the morning. But I just couldn't shake that feeling and I ignored it. That's something that has consistently bothered me. Everything else I know I did all I could with CPR and calling 911, but the part that bugs me is I didn't get that final hug for me and she didn't get that final hug from me. I know she knows that she was loved, I know she died knowing that, but I wanted that for me to hold onto and just to ease myself, make myself feel like I made her focus on that love instead of the pain she was in. It was a rare urge to want to hug her because I used to hug her a lot but she had gotten so skinny it hurt to hug her and made me worry every time about how much weight she had lost. 

They are my babies. They care so deeply about me. Even my mouse has heard me crying and grieving and has squeaked over and over at me. I have read that mice and other animals can feel your pain and grief. My dogs protect me. One time I twisted my ankle and fell while running outside and both the dogs have ran over to me and made sure I was okay. They are so smart. I have thought about getting the essential oils and stuff. Maybe I will think about trying some again. Thank you, I will be sure to check out the site.

[kayc]

And if you can take the time, meditations are also very destressing and I find they clear my head and give me a fresh perspective.  There's a section on meditations in the Tools for Healing section, I'd start with a short one not an hour long one.

[LostInGrief]

Thank you, I will look at them