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Can't seem to do anything!


chloebetta

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I lost my mother a year and a half ago...she was all I had!  It's rough,but I've been getting through somehow.  However,there are days when I can't get myself to do anything!  I mean, I'll get up ok.  Then I'll just sit and think about things and lose any motivation that I had.  I get depressed, but I end up doing only the things I have to do to get by.  But there are a lot of other things I planned on doing and I just can't get myself going.  I'm probably not explaining this very well, but if you know what I mean, could you give me some suggestions to get me out of this depressed state?  How can I get myself out of this slump?  Please help!  Any advice would be appreciated!

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I am so sorry, I lost my own mother 2 1/2 years ago, it doesn't seem possible it's been that long.  What you are describing sounds like symptoms of grief, which are very similar seeming to depression but what we do for it is different because the cause is different...we need to work through our grief.  Have you gone to a professional grief counselor?  Even reading and posting here helps to process your grief.  There is a wide array of tools in the Tools for Healing section, videos, meditations, lists of books that are helpful.  It's not time alone that heals our grief but what we do with that time that aids us in adjusting and learning to rebuild our lives after loss.

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I definitely went through that but am feeling better, so there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

I actually went to a grief counselor, like Kay suggests, and I think it really helped. I had little exercises to do and I think it opened my eyes and really made me face the facts. I know this sounds weird, but I found that saying it out loud that my dad had died, had really helped me accept it. I used to lie to people and say he was okay, up until he passed away so I had horrible denial and then I got slammed with grief.

Maybe you just need a good cry and need to scream and really dig into the sad feelings and let them out. I know that my dad didn't want me to sit her and weep forever over him, he wants me to succeed and be happy and he can enjoy that with me. Do you talk to your mom? Ive found that it helps, especially when I really need some help.

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I want to thank all who responded to my post.  You have helped me!  I did read the links you referred me to and they did help!  I even ordered one of the books on one of the lists.  I have considered bereavement group therapy, but the only one near me meets at the hospital where my mother died and I can't go there!  Besides, I really don't think I'm into that kind of thing anyway.  One of the articles talked about the second year of grief being different from the first,at times, even more difficult.  It really is!  I never thought of it from  that perspective.  Really, reading those articles helped--I know I am not going crazy!  Despite my big loss, I don't want to be depressed and miserable the rest of my life!  I  used to feel guilty when I would think like that, but I don't anymore.  I want to be able to understand and to deal with what I'm going through--to eventually find a new normal--a new identity and life!  You are pointing me toward the right direction!!!  

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Grief doesn't stay in the same intensity, it changes form, is ever evolving.  We do change with grief, but we can build our lives into something good and find purpose and meaning.  It will not be the same as when our loved one was here, but we can do it, it takes time and effort on our part.  It's important to give ourselves permission to smile again...it is not our grief or our guilt that holds us to our loved one, it is love, and that remains.

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