I don't know where I am

[Mama's baby]

Hi all,

i lost my mom two years ago and recently I just started to mourn and grieve. It's been so hard. I'm reviewing the painful year that my mom had before she passed, and for some reason, every time I remember her pain, like her not being able to sleep for a whole year, my heart broke so much that I could literally feel her pain of not being able to sleep. Is this even normal? I feel like my mom's pain transferred into my body and now I just feel so sorry for her. I imagine holding her hands and trying to comfort her to go to sleep.... and now I can not fall asleep any more....

please help me! Has anyone had experiences like this?

chen

[kayc]

I haven't experienced feeling someone else's physical pain after they passed...someone should be along soon , I hope you get some answers.

[MartyT]

Chen, I think this is all part of your coming to terms with your mother's illness and death, and I encourage you to discuss it with your therapist. There may be certain defense mechanisms at work here (in psychoanalytic terms, introjection; identification with the deceased) that would be considered quite normal under the circumstances. In other words, this is your mind struggling to face, examine and understand exactly what your mother may have been feeling and experiencing over the course of her illness and death. In a sense, by doing your "grief work," you are immersing yourself into her illness and death, thinking in detail what it must have been like for her, and actually taking on and "feeling" some of her symptoms. It makes sense, then, that your mind's preoccupation with all of this during the day would be difficult to "turn off" as you lie in bed at night, trying to put your mind at rest so you can go to sleep. You might find some of the suggestions in this article to be helpful: Tips for Coping with Sleeplessness in Grief.

[Mama's baby]

Dear Marty,

Thank you very much for your response! It was so helpful hearing that from a mental healthcare professional! I went to my psychiatrist today and he also said the same thing, that what I'm experiencing is very normal, that though my symptoms of anxiety is not 100% resolved, it's not 100% unmanageable. I'm feeling so much support from my doctors, my therapists, my friends, and my neighbors. Thank you so much! 

I ended up sleeping with my neighbor/grandma figure by my side and I felt very safe afterwards. I was able to fall asleep around 2:30 and had eight hours of solid sleep. Every day I'm walking on edge but hey, it's another day that I accomplished.

I thank God for all of you who provide love, kindness, and support to me. I think I will get through okay.

 

Chen