Jump to content
Grief Healing Discussion Groups

I'm Confused About This Group's Purpose I Think


Recommended Posts

20 hours ago, olemisfit said:

 

Did anyone besides me ever watch the old Happy Days tv series? If any did, try to think back and remember how hard it was for Fonzie to get the word "wrong" out of his mouth when he had been accused of being wrong about something. Maybe there is some of that going on here.  I understand that i am the only one at fault here, where it be about this complaint or anything else. I am not Fonzie. I don't think that admitting that i'm not perfect makes me less of a person. So i apologize to EVERYONE here polluting this group with my presence. I obviously had some wrong expectations. 

 

Honestly, Darrel, I think you might have had a bad day.  Yes, every day is a bad day.  Sometimes though the sun does come out.  It does not always make us happy, but it makes us able to see better.  I don't  think any of us put blame on others.  Good Gosh, we have enough worries that worrying about putting the blame on someone falls right there around our ankles.  I think one of our members mentioned that his wife did not like the word "ain't" and really, we are taught never to say it, but it is not really a politically incorrect word..  Where I come from, I might say it a lot (did you know alot is not a word?), so our speech patterns come from all over the country.  Billy used to laugh at mine.  If I referred to the little ants, they were always "aints"..  Leg was laig, egg was eaig.  

You get on here and you say what you want  to, tell us how you are feeling.  I guarantee you, someone else is feeling the same way or worse. (worser).  I do not know about the etiquette of writing on a post someone else has started.  I guess it is poor etiquette.  In my house I have a set of silverware and plates but we like those big plastic spoons, paper plates (the good kind) and the big red Solo cups (although I shake, so I use a sipee cup for adults).  

One thing I have learned about this group, do not be embarrassed, do not choose your words delicately, do not worry about what you say unless you openly bully someone, because we are all just trying to get through hard times.  "Polluting this group with your presence" is really wrong.  Your presence is welcome, and as far as etiquette goes, you are welcome to write on anything I start a topic on, "Going through hell" is what we are all doing so that covers a whole lot of land.  Don't worry about polluting or improper places to land, you are welcome and appreciated everywhere.  We are from all directions.  I miss our people from South Africa.  I think we have a few from the UK and one from Spain.  Grief is the same in any nationality or section of the country.  

  • Upvote 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

11 minutes ago, kevin said:

Does your grass grow that much in the winter?

Kevin, that was Billy's biggest thing to hate about a house, mowing grass.  I was talking to Amazon yesterday morning and could not hear anything for the lawnmowers and those blowing machines.  This time of year it is  more brown than green, but this false spring has put up patches of clover.  I think you could find a golf course all year round down here.  It might occasionally happen on a cold winter.  Up  the road in Arkansas where I lived, just 175 miles away, it was winter sometimes at Thanksgiving.  Living in the mountains it frosted once on October 7th.  This weather is very strange.  Mostly what we have to watch out for is excess water.

  • Upvote 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Not really regular grass like St. Augustine (I probably spelled that wrong), but the natural grasses that the seeds are blown from the farms that grow hay, sometimes we have a lot of that around.  Billy would never have been convinced it needed mowing, but obviously the owners/managers of this apartment complex felt it needed it.  Looks like we have rain coming today so it must mean it is gonna get cooler.  Snow is so rare that we have pictures on Facebook of this day back maybe seven years ago.  This has been a warm winter.  So far.  Maybe we have not reached the cold weather yet.  Billy and I took off on vacation one beautiful May day years ago into Colorado and ran into a snow storm up there.  Daffodils and dogwoods were blooming back here.

  • Upvote 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

And Darrel, from the looks of things, I have hogged your post.  You are welcome to use any I start, I don't mind, the forum belongs to all of us, even if some of us (me) use bad etiquette.  Just consider the source..........I won't say "old" but I am a terribly  countrified redheaded redneck.  Actually hair and neck are both white now.  

  • Upvote 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi all.. Just want to say that many days I don't post...I read...just can't find the words....

Darrel..many blessings to you...

Hugs to everyone....this grief process is exhausting some days... Gonna go rest..today is my 8 month mark..

I guess time marches on....

Take it easy folks, Marie

  • Upvote 5
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think it's the nature of discussion forums....whatever the subject...that one is bound to sometimes post something and then be disappointed at either the lack of response or the way somebody else seems to have 'taken over' the thread. In most cases I don't think people mean any ill.

From my point of view....okay I'm fairly new here and don't come on here that often, but....four or five times I've read a post and think about replying but [much like Marie I think] I  just can't think of the right words or at least an appropriate response so I give up. This is especially when I feel very negative and don't want to risk upsetting the poster further. It doesn't mean that I haven't 'taken in' what the poster has written and felt anything.

8 months Marie Lee....I passed that two weeks ago. Exhausting is exactly the word....

  • Upvote 6
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Dr. Lenera, what is your specialty?  The reason I want to know is sometimes after losing a person we might speak unkindly of doctors.  My mother's hospice nurse gave me a book that said it is most common to blame God after a death.  I find that I get angry at the entity I presume to be God.  And as far as hurting our feelings, well, unless you brought down a hard argument against or for something, I don't think our feelings would be hurt.  If you have read my word salads (and yes, I know that is a psychiatric term), then you know I am all over the place.

As far as owning a subject, even if we start it, there will be something said that one of us will go down another path and the one after them will go down another.  

There is a posting subject about "whose forum is this anyway"  and this subject has come up.  I honestly do think sometimes people might be offended for someone using their subject to go down all the different paths we go down.  But like gossip, something that is told to one person by the time it has been told to 100 people, it is completely different than the first subject.  That is why I made the post "if you're going through hell" and I cannot remember if I put "your or your're" but I am not an English major so you will get a lot of southern redneck backwoods colloquialisms from me.  

I think the rules are not to argue religion, which we even slip that in sometimes but we don't get weird with it.  I don't think we talk politics.  I am so stupid that I learned today that POTUS meant President of the United States.  I voted for Nixon years ago, so I am not the brightest light for politics.  We don't worry about that though.  Sometimes we do worry about religion almost to the point of Marty maybe having to intervene, but I cannot remember much about that one.

I think the fellow that started the post and we all got off of it, somehow, I think he is still reading it.  And, that is okay.  Say what you want to say.  If we don't like it, we will ignore it.  But as much as I am ignored, I am also helped, These people saved my life.  And I needed my life saved to help my granddaughter that I had not even considered when I wanted to join Billy.  He had already told me "the one left must stay" and I guess he knew what I would want to do. 

Look ya'll, I'm sorry.  I get wordy and lots of times I just repeat myself.  This forum saved my life, literally, so that I could still be with my family.  I am needed, but at the time all I needed was to go to Billy.  

I had a supervisor that I would write three paragraphs asking a question and she would answer me back in less than six words that made more sense than my diatribe.

We are here to help each other.  Sometimes we might not use proper etiquette, but please forgive that and pick and choose what helps you.  Not the subject of the post, but the person you most identify with, the person that might feel like they are helping you.  And they have all helped me at some time or the other.  Maybe it is like being hungry, you are starving to death and the food is something you would not normally eat, but to stay alive, you will eat it anyhow.  To stay alive, I will take all the help I can get.

And as an addendum, where is Patty, Steven, and I'm missing someone else or two.  I think some of you now just read more than you talk, or maybe you just think you can't top me in number of words used.  I'm missing some people.  Bill, your here somewhere.  Brad is occasionally.  My mind loses names, I'm sorry.

  • Upvote 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Now, Marg, I voted for Nixon, too. But I did know who POTUS was... and yet the word salad being a psychiatric term, well, that surprised me.

And now I am WAY off topic.  8^)

But back to your point, Marg (one of them, anyway). This place IS a life-saver. I would not have gone to counseling, bad experience in the past. But several folks here have discussed it, some have gone, some have had a really hard time starting it up. So I finally made an appointment and started last week. While I was miserable, the lady was good, guided me into talking into it, and I am looking forward to a second visit Friday. So thank you, Darrel, and Marg and Marty and so many others. This load shared is somehow lightened.

  • Upvote 5
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well Dave (I'm gonna try to keep my wordiness down a little), finding a psychiatrist has been a problem with me.  I had one back in the 1970's for a long time but she retired.  I need one I can talk to more than one who will give me antidepressants.  (I've had my share of them and my injured "innards" won't take just anything).  Even my family practice doc gave me antidepressants with me saying no.  My diagnosis is chronic depression anyhow, and antidepressants did help me in the past, but cannot be taken any more, life or death situation.  

Again, I want to find one that has some experience with the grief situation itself, not just book "learning."  I tried the GriefShare group and while it is a wonderful faith based group, it seems like going to AA (in my estimation), although I think you have a sponsor to talk to in AA.  (I cannot drink either).  But, I came away from the meetings sadder than I went into them.

But see, you are trying to help yourself, and to me, well that shows you are doing exactly what "oldmisfit" Darrel was saying to do in the first place.  One foot in front of the other. (And using good etiquette, he did start this subject).  

  • Upvote 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Getting some rain, so hopefully the snow may start to abate....Opens up our walking paths and starts the inter mingling of neighbors again....I actually get depressed when its overcast for days on end...Need the sunshine to get my mojo at least moving in the right direction....Doing some house sitting/cat sitting for a buddy next ten days....And doing clean up for a Garage sale...two months away......Leg slowly coming around...needs to gain more strength.....Not much of a Valentines Hang over, might be good sign...take care everyone...

  • Upvote 5
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Marg, Dave , Kevin, everyone..yes, this forum is indeed a bit of a life saver.

How many places can you go and speak freely? Not many in my book of experience. I am a bit of a " talk out your problem" kind of person...You might not know that about me as I stay fairly quiet on here. I am sure my group hugs can come across trite..maybe I am a flower child wishing peace to everyine all the time..lol

I strive really hard to stay positive. Depression has been a battle for me all my life. I ponder too much. It's how God made me..I constantly try to balance that out...it's an ongoing battle.

My brother passed in 2010 and his life was one of constant upheaval, anger, drug abuse, unstable, etc.. He stole from my mom and would out her through an emotional grinder...I have some conflict about his life and passing, etc...wish I could have been a better sis..but, I was holding on to my own life boat and trying to dog paddle..navigate ...etc..

My family history shows many have had manic depression, bi polar attribute, etc..... So, surprise...right? We were a beautiful mixed bag of emotional messes in our house..

Then, I married a man that had some challenges too...and raised children....life certainly didn't go as I planned lol another shock, right? He and I somehow made it, despite ourselves, lol...and we were kind of at a real good spot in our life when I lost him..

Here I am, alone, I have family and a few friends...but I am no longer married..I don't have my partner, my rock ...the person who cared and shared my daily life with me...for 28 years...well, he was in the navy so sometimes he was out to sea..but now he's not coming home from this deployment...it went by so quick...

Now what do I do? 

I love this oasis ..this forum...this group of people that share an unfortunate common bond...but, one every human being will have and yer, it's treated with hands off approach in society...no wonder I am not sure I like people I general, lol...

Now where is my life raft...dog paddling over her...Marie

( I am certain I went off subject..it's one of my many endearing traits, lol)

  • Upvote 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Marie Lee, I don't keep many family secrets.  Honestly, every closet has skeletons.  I don't know why both my kids were born with the bipolar illness.  I once had my daughter talking to a psychiatrist and used my name as the doctor that had told her what was wrong with her.  The psychiatrist told her he did not recognize my name and she told him I was a medical transcriptionist over 40 years and I thought I was a doctor.  The psychiatrist told her he would not dispute me after that length of time.  That is one reason I went into therapy for so long.  I felt responsible for them both being bipolar.  Found out I was just a dull chronic depressive. Learned my husband was severely obsessive compulsive, but the bipolar we think came from my father.  Just let it be said, we had many duplicate colors in our Crayola box and also we were missing some of the primary colors.  Come to find out we were a very interesting family.

My neighbor was married over 50 years.  She said she and her husband were never disloyal to each other.  I applaud her.  Like I have said, our marriage was rocky for a long time, but the last 20-34 years were perfect, until he was gone, and if I could, I would suffer through the first 20 all over again if I could just have him back.  And, we would probably repeat the same mistakes.  He was my best friend and i would not trade that for 100 perfect years. 

Subject:  Grief, and we all share that.

  • Upvote 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Got a good one for you Marg,.....few Sundays ago, I was half dozing while preacher was giving his " view" of the Gospel.... Adultery is not just committing the act, it is also thinking of or lustful thoughts.....Well I was big sinner in my day....Have to let that interpretation slide.... 

  • Upvote 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

6 hours ago, kevin said:

lustful thoughts.

I know you have no reason to remember this.  But, we (USA) had a President Carter.  A very good man, ole peanut farmer, Southern Baptist.  He made the mistake of saying he had looked at women and lusted, which was a sin.  Well, it was a sin with God, but with Rosalind, his wife, it was an admission of bad conduct that made Clinton's admission of "not inhaling" weed look like "Mary, Mary quite contrary, how does your garden grow."  I'll bet Rosalind gave him a tongue lashing that no Southern Baptist Minister had ever even thought of.  Like I said, we weren't perfect, but we were perfect for each other" and that was what mattered.  Billy forgave me, I forgave him, and trust was more embedded in the later years than it was in the beginning.  We finally grew up.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yes he did and I think his mom and whole family died of pancreatic cancer.  Jimmy Carter is in his 90's and has beat cancer again.  Yes, USA kept him one term.  I think he was either too good a man, was not a hawk, or either he should not have looked lustfully at a woman.  Really though, as far as being a good man, as far as we know he was about the nicest.  I think he still works for habitat for humanity building homes everywhere (if he is still able).  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...