I feel so lost :( help me!

[bgcnpry]

Hi,

 

My dad passed away 5 days ago from lung cancer which metastatic to brain. He had been diagnosed almost 2 years ago but 3 weeks ago we found out he had metastatic. Before this time we werent spending much of a time. My parents were divorced 25 years ago. Father was distanced to us. But during his sickness I took care of everything. Hospital time, doctoe visits, chemo etc.. now hes gone. I have lots of "what if" in my head. His face always come to my mind. I was little anxious person now I feel like I had major panic attacks. I also fear of getting cancer or someone I love gets it. I cant handle an another lost. I dont fear of death. I fear of pain  some one plz help

[MartyT]

My dear, I'm so sorry for your loss. You don't say whether your father was on a hospice service when he died. If he was, the hospice can offer up to 13 months of bereavement services to you (at no cost), and I urge you to take advantage of that. If he was not in hospice, I strongly encourage you to ask his doctor or the hospital or the mortuary for assistance in learning what bereavement services are available in your community. I also suggest that you see your own primary care physician to make sure you are in good health and taking good care of yourself. You say that you don't fear death, but you do fear pain ~ which leads me to wonder if your experience of your dad's terminal illness and your memories of his death were traumatic for you.   

[kayc]

bgcnpry,

I'm sorry you lost your dad.  I don't know how old you are, but I was 29 when I lost my father.  You haven't had much time to process this, the early days of grief are rough.  I hope you will heed Marty's suggestion and try to get yourself a grief counselor.  

[MartyT]

Just now I read this post on the AfterTalk website, which gives you an idea of how a skilled therapist can help with troubling or haunting images: Traumatic Images of Their Loved One's Dying

[bgcnpry]

5 hours ago, MartyT said:

My dear, I'm so sorry for your loss. You don't say whether your father was on a hospice service when he died. If he was, the hospice can offer up to 13 months of bereavement services to you (at no cost), and I urge you to take advantage of that. If he was not in hospice, I strongly encourage you to ask his doctor or the hospital or the mortuary for assistance in learning what bereavement services are available in your community. I also suggest that you see your own primary care physician to make sure you are in good health and taking good care of yourself. You say that you don't fear death, but you do fear pain ~ which leads me to wonder if your experience of your dad's terminal illness and your memories of his death were traumatic for you.   

I am from Turkey. We dont have that kind of services in here. Its just psychatrist or psychologist. I had a panic dissorder due to my big exam 3 years ago. After exam it passed away itself. When my father got sick this feelings come back. His face comes to my eyes like anytime. I am so scarred that I might lost my mum or hubby or sister. I am checking their breaths. So saaad. I am crying a lot

[bgcnpry]

5 hours ago, kayc said:

bgcnpry,

I'm sorry you lost your dad.  I don't know how old you are, but I was 29 when I lost my father.  You haven't had much time to process this, the early days of grief are rough.  I hope you will heed Marty's suggestion and try to get yourself a grief counselor.  

I am 29 too. My husband burried him. I couldnt even watch it. I was devasted. I have lots of IF's. I wish we could spend more time together. I feel his smell, I hear his voices. My sister was also devasted but she is stronger than me. She already started working. I cant even sleep! Or eat

[iPraiseHim]

2 hours ago, bgcnpry said:

I am 29 too. My husband burried him. I couldnt even watch it. I was devasted. I have lots of IF's. I wish we could spend more time together. I feel his smell, I hear his voices. My sister was also devasted but she is stronger than me. She already started working. I cant even sleep! Or eat

bgcnpry,

I couldn't sleep either after my wife's death.... only two hours a night.  Death is traumatic and a shock to your system.  A friend here suggested and I went to my doctor and he prescribed an anti-anxiety medicine.  It helped my brain calm down so I could get much needed rest.  Grief takes a lot of energy. get sleep, drink lots of water and eat as healthy as you can.  You are welcome to come here often and share.  It helped me tremendously to know that I am not crazy or alone with these feelings.  My prayers are with you. - Shalom

[kayc]

I'm glad you have your husband to help you through this.  

You say you don't have grief counselors or Hospice services in Turkey, but you can always come here.  I got most of my help from this site.  There is a lot to this site, so it helps to explore it, check out the Tools for Healing section.  Marty has a blog that is helpful and there's countless articles, videos, book list, etc.

As George (iPraiseHim) said, it really helps to know you're not alone with your feelings.  Self care is also very important.  Be patient and understanding of yourself, we need it all the more when we're grieving.

[Clematis]

22 hours ago, bgcnpry said:

My dad passed away 5 days ago from lung cancer which metastatic to brain. He had been diagnosed almost 2 years ago but 3 weeks ago we found out he had metastatic. Before this time we werent spending much of a time. My parents were divorced 25 years ago. Father was distanced to us. But during his sickness I took care of everything...

Merhaba. I am so sorry to hear about your dad. My dad died ( it will be thirteen months tomorrow) and I miss him every day. I took care of him during his last ten years of decline with Parkinson's disease. I think all of the "what if"s are inescapable. I don't have them as bad as I did in the beginning but they still creep up on me. I hope you keep coming back to the site here. It has helped me - has helped a lot of us - enormously.

Laura

[bgcnpry]

Thank you for your help. I was feeling that I was alone. Sometimes I feel like I might lost someone again. I know I might lost someone but I cant handle another death.

[kayc]

I hope it's a long time before you have to go through something like this again.  When you get my age you start losing everyone...I've lost six friends since Thanksgiving.  I know too many 90+ year olds!