BeachJoW Posted February 14, 2017 Report Share Posted February 14, 2017 I'm new here. My husband died in Sept. 2016. I have good days and not so good days. I have felt like I've been doing pretty well. I get up and go to work. I have dinner with friends. I have planned several trips for the year. But at the moment, I am in a funk. I don't know why. My house is so full of my spouse everywhere I look. I have started cleaning some things out but haven't made a lot of progress with that. I just sometimes have a memory or hear a song and the tears start - anywhere - at work, which is embarrassing, driving my car to or from work (bad way to start the day). I really try to start out with a positive attitude every day and just do what I'm supposed to do, but it doesn't always work. And I'm going through all of these "firsts" without my sweetheart. So it's my first Valentine's Day without him. We always exchanged cards and he made us a steak dinner (my favorite). My co-workers are all dressed in red and telling everyone Happy Valentine's Day. I'm sorry, but I just am not celebrating it this year and I don't want to have to explain it. It's just how I feel. How is everyone else doing today? 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iPraiseHim Posted February 14, 2017 Report Share Posted February 14, 2017 I understand. It is not an easy day for us grievers. I proposed to my wife, Rose Anne, on Valentine's Day, The Last Valentines day was very special to the both of us celebrating 25 years of marriage. Wonderful memories and remembering all of the fun times together. Our Last Valentines day was two years ago. My wife died suddenly two days later. I found her when I came home from work. February is a tough month for me. I understand. I am trying to remember all of the good times. I still miss her. Grief is another expression of the deep love we shared. I pray you will find comfort on your grief walk. This place is a precious jewel for us grievers who can share, care and listen. - Shalom, George 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kevin Posted February 14, 2017 Report Share Posted February 14, 2017 I am on my second Valentines Day.without Angela.....but sent out two cards..(sister and friend) replaced flowers with a gift cards......Got emails of thanks and surprise today.....Made me feel better. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted February 14, 2017 Report Share Posted February 14, 2017 BeachJoW, You're grieving the love of your life, they should understand. It's hard to be around all the celebratory Valentine's lovers when we're missing ours. I'm sorry for the loss of your husband, six months out is one of the hardest times as shock wears off and reality sets in. This is a safe place where we understand and you don't have to pretend everything is okay. Wishing you the best today... 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brad Posted February 14, 2017 Report Share Posted February 14, 2017 42 minutes ago, BeachJoW said: But at the moment, I am in a funk. I don't know why. My house is so full of my spouse everywhere I look. I have started cleaning some things out but haven't made a lot of progress with that. I just sometimes have a memory or hear a song and the tears start - anywhere - at work, which is embarrassing, driving my car to or from work (bad way to start the day). Hello BeachJo - Welcome to our group and know that I am so very sorry you have reason to be here. I'm approaching nineteen months since my wife died and while most days are okay I still have those times. Yesterday I was cleaning out a cupboard, getting rid of things I know I'll never use and I found a large box that contained every card I had given Deedo over our thirty-seven years together, along with other trinkets of value to her. Needless to say I've been a mess since then. Some day I'll smile at those but not yet. I still make certain I have kleenex within arms reach at all times. Again BeachJo welcome to our group and I hope you find the support and comfort that I have found. (((((HUGS)))) Brad 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marie Lee Posted February 14, 2017 Report Share Posted February 14, 2017 Beachjow...I am not doing good at all...lol..surprise right? Lol Hugs to everyone here, Marie 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JHCP Posted February 14, 2017 Report Share Posted February 14, 2017 Not doing great. It's never the same without my Jack! It's Ok to not always be positive!! Give yourself a break. You have gone through something awful. For attempting to be positive I think you are strong. I am just as strong. I still have a hard time today though. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Polly Posted February 15, 2017 Report Share Posted February 15, 2017 I was handling today ok until this evening. I've been sitting here crying. I miss Richard so much. He always made a big deal about special days. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marie Lee Posted February 15, 2017 Report Share Posted February 15, 2017 Hugs Polly... I have to say ....I am so appreciate of this circle of friends. Peace and love to all...Marie 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Lenera Posted February 16, 2017 Report Share Posted February 16, 2017 Beach JoW.....my wife died last June so our 'times' are not that different! I wasn't too bad yesterday Valentine's Day, partly because I set myself a load of tasks. One of my hobbies is I review movies for a website, so I set myself the task of watching three films and reviewing them...I knew that would partly comsume my mind...I had some definite 'lows' and I struggled to actually get up out of bed, but it wasn't too bad overall The most depressing thing was looking at Facebook...I looked on it once and decided not to bother any more for a few days! But today was awful for much of the time. Possibly partly because we also made sure we had this particular week off work and went out all over the place, so I don't even have work to occupy me this week. I eventually went out and did a couple of things, but I felt like a robot. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted February 16, 2017 Report Share Posted February 16, 2017 2 hours ago, Dr Lenera said: The most depressing thing was looking at Facebook...I looked on it once and decided not to bother any more for a few days! I eventually went out and did a couple of things, but I felt like a robot. I don't have anything to do with Facebook. I know it is hard on many because upsetting things can be posted, shared and commented on that I have always felt should be personal. I know there is a draw for people with family. I don't have that so I don't have to be exposed to how others are getting on in life and all thier plans when I feel so alone. Feeling like a robot is something so many of us here feel. Often I feel I am standing outside the wild watching it go on without me right now. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marie Lee Posted February 16, 2017 Report Share Posted February 16, 2017 I have become less active on Facebook since the loss of Kevin...even though my daughter is in there and posts pics of Evelyn ....I have her send me pics directly so that helps...but I can't seem to do it...maybe because Kev and I would banter with friends ..and now I just have been sent down a path that takes me I a different direction.. Not sure I will ever get back on like I used too..I do, for about 5 mins every week or so...and then, I log off.. My kids are moving into an apartment, so it's me and Lulu Bell out here in the country... My legs and lower back pain , discomfort , continue and sometimes my upper back, neck remind me they are hurting a bit too..my elbow and fingers are still experiencing ongoing nerve issues. Numbness at times ...discomfort, quite often...my new normal. I do stretches ...bike ride some...crunches ...whatever I can think of...I am sure it will always be there....but I cannot complain as I am able to walk ..get around..etc. I don't mind solitude ..I really miss having someone to love, share ...live with....care for...laugh...why is life so crazy?.. Pondering still...Marie 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted February 16, 2017 Report Share Posted February 16, 2017 I was on/off FB quickly on Valentines Day, it's too hard seeing what people who have their spouse are posting. I don't have kids or anyone who does anything for me on V day, as I'm sure a lot of you can relate, so it can emphasize how alone we are...too hard, no need to set myself up for it. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marie Lee Posted February 16, 2017 Report Share Posted February 16, 2017 So true Kay...no sense in setting ourselves up ..so true... 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeachJoW Posted February 16, 2017 Author Report Share Posted February 16, 2017 I'm in the minority then because most days, FB helps me a lot! I'm in a FB group that follows a band we love, and I've literally met hundreds of new friends because of it and they are like family to me. We post all day long about the band and our lives - people needing prayer, celebrating something good, looking forward to our next concert. We travel from all around the country for concerts and meet up to eat and visit before and after concerts. When my husband died, these friends took up a collection and bought tickets for me & girlfriend to attend an upcoming concert, paid for hotel room, sent me a gas card & sent me the balance of the money collected via Paypal, which was close to $500! And an artist had done some large oil paintings of the band a few years ago and sold them with the money going to St. Jude's. We do a lot of fundraising for St. Jude's because one of the band member's daughter was diagnosed with a brain tumor at 2 years. She's had surgery and treatment and is in remission now and it was all paid for by St. Jude's. An owner of one of the oil paintings had it shipped to me and it now hangs in my dining room. They have really helped me during the past 2 years, when my husband was diagnosed with cancer, his treatment and ultimate death. And they're still helping me. I still get cards & FB messages saying they're thinking about me, and it really helps. I didn't spend much time on my regular FB page on Valentine's Day, but my FB group and you guys helped me get through. It's good to reach out to others who are going through the same pain. Thank you. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marie Lee Posted February 16, 2017 Report Share Posted February 16, 2017 Awesome to hear beachjow :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted February 17, 2017 Report Share Posted February 17, 2017 20 hours ago, BeachJoW said: I'm in the minority then because most days, FB helps me a lot! Oh I like FB...just not on Valentine's Day. And it does get annoying watching people post trips to the Bahamas when I struggle just to have money for groceries. But it's a good way to get to see my granddaughter. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JHCP Posted February 17, 2017 Report Share Posted February 17, 2017 FB has those memories that pop up. 'This time last year' etc. it drives me nuts sometimes seeing how happy we were over the years 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeachJoW Posted February 21, 2017 Author Report Share Posted February 21, 2017 JHCP, you can turn those memory notifications off. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
martha jane Posted February 21, 2017 Report Share Posted February 21, 2017 On 2/16/2017 at 3:17 AM, Marie Lee said: I have become less active on Facebook since the loss of Kevin...even though my daughter is in there and posts pics of Evelyn ....I have her send me pics directly so that helps...but I can't seem to do it...maybe because Kev and I would banter with friends ..and now I just have been sent down a path that takes me I a different direction.. Not sure I will ever get back on like I used too..I do, for about 5 mins every week or so...and then, I log off.. My kids are moving into an apartment, so it's me and Lulu Bell out here in the country... My legs and lower back pain , discomfort , continue and sometimes my upper back, neck remind me they are hurting a bit too..my elbow and fingers are still experiencing ongoing nerve issues. Numbness at times ...discomfort, quite often...my new normal. I do stretches ...bike ride some...crunches ...whatever I can think of...I am sure it will always be there....but I cannot complain as I am able to walk ..get around..etc. I don't mind solitude ..I really miss having someone to love, share ...live with....care for...laugh...why is life so crazy?.. Pondering still...Marie I have been to the doctor and she found my blood pressure too high and a few other worrisome things. My problem is I don't have my husband to talk about it with. I was here to take care of him and take his blood pressure, count out his medicines , help him up when he fell. Take him places to get him out of the house, buy him good things to eat. Now I have no one to share my concerns with. I don't want to burden my children so I will just keep things to myself. t Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted February 21, 2017 Report Share Posted February 21, 2017 I have to admit I harbor anger at a Steve that he never had to go thru any of his medical stuff alone. I think it is a natural if irrational, but maybe rational, feeling as he certainly didn't plan it. Now that I need some real help,and someone to lean on it's so very hard to be alone. I don't just have to deal with what is happening to me, I have to deal with the house and dogs which he didn't. He could just crawl into bed and know that stuff was covered. I've had to try and set up backups with people that make things more complicated. Instructions, phone numbers, where food for dogs and birds are stored, thier schedule, blank checks if needed, hopes they are available when needed. It intensifies the stress immensely. It's almost easier to be so sick than deal with these possibilities. And that perpetuates a cycle. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gin Posted February 21, 2017 Report Share Posted February 21, 2017 Gwen, Are you feeling any better? Respiratory? Antibiotics? Feeling any stronger? Even tho Al had terrible problems, he had me to help him all the time. I will not have that. So glad I was still strong enough to help him. hope you feel better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted February 22, 2017 Report Share Posted February 22, 2017 Thanks Gin. I wish I could say I was getting better, but I am supposed to start another round of antibiotics which I dread because of the stomach problems they created before. If only this were simple pneumonia, but there is an underlying lung condition that always makes this complicated. Just more fun in paradise. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted February 22, 2017 Report Share Posted February 22, 2017 Gwen, I always take acidophilus when I'm on antibiotics, and I take Probiotics every day, it might help restore the gut issues that antibiotics can create. I'm sorry you're going through all this, you've had more than your share! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted February 22, 2017 Report Share Posted February 22, 2017 21 hours ago, martha jane said: I have been to the doctor and she found my blood pressure too high and a few other worrisome things. My problem is I don't have my husband to talk about it with. I was here to take care of him and take his blood pressure, count out his medicines , help him up when he fell. Take him places to get him out of the house, buy him good things to eat. Now I have no one to share my concerns with. I don't want to burden my children so I will just keep things to myself. I know, I took care of George's Diabetes and he would gladly help me now if only he'd lived, but alas this is the fate of the "last one" in the coupledom. All we can do is try to give ourselves the best self care we can and know they love us, wherever they are. You might let the kids know of your medical issues just so issues on down the road don't come as a surprise and also so they'll be aware of their own medical genetics to look out for. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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