Shock and Awe after two years...

[iPraiseHim]

My Dad is getting back to driving again.  He drove and went to his church on Saturday and plans to drive himself to the Chiropractor tomorrow, Monday.  I plan to catch up with him and eat lunch somewhere afterward.

I stepped out of my comfort zone and went to a new group that started meeting tonight at church,  Financial Peace University. I would like to be able to help other people with this simple plan to get out of debt and stay out of debt. I have been following Dave Ramsey's plan for about three years and have managed to pay off all of my debt last year in July.  My only debt left is my mortgage. I want to fly so much but will not put myself back into debt. 

My goals are to get focused on saving up/earning enough money to be able to take flying lessons and get my private pilots license.  My income has actually dropped a little but I am working to increase it.  I still need to work on improving my shoulder pain/mobility.

I continue to fly my flight simulator Cessna 172p and I am learning how to file a flight plan, flying, vectors, ADR, and the ILS system. It amazes me how serious and dedicated people are to virtual simulated flying.  There are even people who simulated (pretend) they are ATC (Air Traffic controllers) for different areas of the US, Canada and beyond.   

I did get my computer fan fixed and the problem with the backup of the business data and the mirrored hard drive after much persistence.  I will find out tomorrow afternoon if my sister, (Sharon), surgery is approved for Thursday.  My work schedule is fluid at this point.   

seems like I have rambled but it has been a busy week.  Grief rolls but thankfully has not been ruling this week. - Shalom

[kayc]

I read Larry Burkett's book "Get out of debt and stay out of debt" years ago and it made an impact.  It's really pretty simple.  My one debt is my mortgage, which I wish was gone.  It takes living stringent and with contentment in what you have, and continual discipline...you get used to it.  One thing I've learned is a rainy day WILL come, it's important to plan for it.  What I hate are the Tsunamis.

I'm glad your dad is driving again, that must be a relief.

Hoping your sister can have her surgery tomorrow, George!

[iPraiseHim]

My sister's surgery is postponed since she still has bronchitis and a bad cough.(Resume regular work schedule).

I  met my Dad at his Chiropractor but he got lost, confused and turned around.  I was able to talk on the phone and get him to his appt.  He is still confused and gets flustered easily. He wrote a check to me from a checking account that had been closed ten years ago.  There are several others signs that he is not processing things clearly.  It is sad to see and my sister and I are trying to find ways to help him.  It is a challenge.

I am still having trouble with expectations:

My sister's appt was at 3pm today and she said she would let me know so I can adjust more my schedule... she didn't text me until 7pm.

My Dad was supposed to call me when he got back home ( which he always asks me to do ) from the Chiropractor...but no call.

Other things too...

I end up adding more stress to myself by these expectations but should I just not expect anything from anyone (rhetorical) ?

I am still working on letting these things go... but if I'm writing about them now... how is that working for me now?....  still missing Rose Anne. The loneliness of not sharing our lives together  REALITY BITES me!  -  (end rant)   - Shalom

 

[Herc]

George,

I know completely how you feel.  I am still very new in the experience, but I felt myself getting in trouble with expectations, and allowing them to influence and be influenced by my grief.  My grief is incredibly powerful, the single driving force in my life right now.  When I let outside factors tie in to that grief, either by triggering it, or by my overreacting to simple situations because emotionally I am dealing with other things, it gives them far too much power over me.  I work daily on trying to separate and differentiate my grief from the other feelings in my life.  As with everything, sometimes I am successful, sometimes not so much.  But I think simply being aware of it, and analyzing whether the emotions I am feeling come from my grief or are valid in and of their own right is a step in the right direction.

I'm sorry your sisters surgery was postponed, and that your dad is having issues.  It's positive that you were able to talk him through this episode though, so at least there is that.  Thanks for helping me sort out some of my own thoughts on expectations,

Herc

[Widowedbysuicide]

So sorry for all the complications George.

I'm sending you a big hug and positive energy ?

[kayc]

George,

I'm sorry your sister's surgery had to be postponed.  I hope she rests up and heals from her bronchitis quickly.  Usually they prescribe an antibiotic for that, so she should respond rather quickly.

If your sister and dad forget to call you, maybe you could just try calling them to see if they made it home safely.  No need to wait and wonder and get worked up about it.  Expectations are something we can lower, but I'm not sure that's applicable in this case...I mean you can place the burden of calling on you instead of them, but bottom line is, you still want to know they're okay.

I understand about your dad's confusion concerning you.  My sister is showing signs of early dementia (my mom and uncles had it) and refuses to see a doctor about it. Her brain clearly does not work like it used to, the processing is very distorted.  It worries me about her and what lies ahead.  I keep thinking of her in terms of the person I always knew and it continues to catch me by surprise when she responds so differently than she used to.  I'm having a hard time seeing her in her altered state.  It's like it leaves you puzzled.  I went through that with my mom until she got so bad it was just extremely obvious, then it didn't catch me off guard anymore.

[iPraiseHim]

It's Friday and today was a long work day.  My Dad continues to improve. He is getting stronger and driving again.  Less dizziness and his spirits are improving. There are still some signs of confusion over bills, checks, and accounts. My sister and I are trying to figure out how to help him.

My sister's bronchitis and cough is getting better. My moods have been down this week and more anxious than usual. After review, I realize I have not been taking my vitamins, greens shake with Kefir, and not getting enough sleep.  All of this definitely affects my moods. Missing Rose Anne has been intense this week.  I thought about just keeping it to myself but realize it may help others here to know that this grief continues on many different levels even after two years.

REMEMBER:.... TO SET YOUR CLOCKS FORWARD TOMORROW, SATURDAY for Daylight Savings time in most parts of the US 

I have decided to attend the Men's Retreat for Church tomorrow and will catch a ride with a friend.  It is about 90 minutes away in Wakefield VA.  ( If I had my private pilots license I could fly there!) 

The weather is calling for snow here on Sunday... It was in the 70's yesterday.  Our weather fluctuates . I also have the second class on Sunday evening at the church that I started last week. 

Next week I have a full work schedule all week.  Thanks for listening.  Sometimes life feels very isolated without my beloved. Few people truly understand our afterlives.  - Shalom

 

 

[Gin]

Few people truly understand our afterlives.  - Shalom

How very true, George.

[Gwenivere]

1 hour ago, iPraiseHim said:

Sometimes life feels very isolated without my beloved. Few people truly understand our afterlives.  - Shalom

Truer words were never spoken.  This is the only place I have that does.  My grief counselor lost her husband 30 ago.  I know she harbors anger he killed himself,  but she has a full life now.  I think because she was younger than most and a lot of hard work.   Most everyone at the nursing home us widowed, but they are so old with many memory problems that seems to shield them.  As for talking to anyone else, its become so apparent they can't comorehend and have told me so.  So trying to explain the isolation is futile as well.  Afterlives.....perfect words.

[Widowedbysuicide]

After life.  Existence.  Isolation.  Fear.  Exhaustion.  Grief.  

I would not wish any of these on anyone.

I'm really feeling tired.  And a little sorry for myself.

[Herc]

I didn't realize how close we were George, we got a few flurries today up in DC, and have our first call for accumulation over 1" coming on Tuesday.  I think KayC finally managed to send us some so she doesn't have to keep shoveling.

I hope you enjoy the retreat.  It sounds like you could use it after a hectic work week.  I hope next week is just full and not overly full.  Many thanks to all for helping relieve the isolation a little on this wonderful site,

Herc

[kayc]

8 hours ago, Herc said:

 I think KayC finally managed to send us some so she doesn't have to keep shoveling.

George, I'm very glad you'll get away with your friend today for that conference.  Sometimes it really helps to.  I'm having a hard time today and not feeling like being around people (see loss of grandchild/baby).  I'm supposed to be at a luncheon today but don't feel like all the people and chit chat.  I'll go to my class this afternoon, it's a smaller group, I can let down my hair with them.

[iPraiseHim]

Good news...  VISA credited my account for the charge back when I was scammed for the VirtualPilot3D flight simulator program.  I was told that VISA could not get my refund initially.  I am humbly and happily surprised. Yea!

Saturday, my sister, invited my father and I over to her home for St. Patrick Day dinner.  She cooked a delicious meal and I brought two dozen "sainted" eggs. My sister is always thoughtful to us widower folks.... lol

Third week of the Dave Ramsey Financial Peace University class.  I have been following his Baby Stepper plan for three years and have managed to pay off all consumer debt by July of last year.  I'm working on Step three which is to save up three-six months emergency (RAINY DAY) Fund. ...  because sooner of later it will rain.  I use no credit cards.  I am tightening up my monthly budget so I can start saving as much money as I can so I can fly.

It has been a busy work week and I am learning what I have to deal with in this third year on grief. For me, there is much internal reflection, examination, discussion, about all of the aspects of this grief, loss and how to move forward in this remaining time in my life. I'll be 62 in May and I told my sister I didn't want to celebrate my birthday this year.  She is disappointed. For me it is yet another reminder that Rose Anne is not here. Her birthday is one week before mine.  May is another rough time because it is full of memories of us. My moods are bordering on a darker time in my early years.  I am resting on my faith and promises of God in scripture. I also am aware of my need to take care of myself, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.... and yes I am still flying my sim plane and learning the finer art of flying and studying for the ground school test.. - Shalom

[kayc]

I'm glad to hear you got your visa credited, I've never had any problems with them doing that.  I used to handle my boss' financial stuff and never had any problem getting credited on his American Express either, they were great to work with.  

I use my visa regularly but pay it in full every month.  I keep track of the charges and only use it for budgeted things, I'm not one to go hog wild with it or act like it's free money.  

I think it's great you went through Dave Ramsey's class.  It's all about our outlook on money, how we view and use it.

Unfortunately, anything I have saved is going back out on my house this year...it's waited too long and now it needs too much...but I can't afford to do everything it needs, so again, I have to prioritize.  It doesn't bother me whether I'm saving or spending it though, I pretty much use the money for what is necessary, I've lived in poverty too long to change my view of it now.  I just can't picture actually throwing money away like some people do.  I have a sister that gambles, to me she might as well light a match to it, but she thinks it's fun.  I can't throw money away in the name of "fun".  I have another sister that travels.  At least she gets memories for her money.  And another who constantly moves and redecorates.  I guess I'm the one that stays home and eats soup.  In the end we're all broke.

[iPraiseHim]

Marg, When I came across this young lady's story it reminded me of you.  I have been listening to this song for about a year and a half but just found out the back story. Her song's message speaks to me and my spirit.  Struggling and hanging onto hope.  Here is her story:

Shalom

[Margm]

Daigle, a good ole Louisiana name.  This was a beautiful story.  It is like Brianna grew up with Billy.  I kept the radio off and talked to Jesus and Billy all the way to Magnolia and back, about 90-100 miles total, probably less.  Talked to Jesus more probably cause now I feel that there is no way Billy would return, and it is my feeling (mine alone) that I am not sure anyone would want to return.  Kinda of tee'd me off a little thinking that, but I so hope that is true.  No more pain, only happiness.  Daddy would have to teach a class at church some Wednesday nights and he and Mama talked.  (Usually they fussed about something), might have been arguing this time but what Mama said stood out back those very many years ago.  "You shall know as you are known."  I have not looked it up.  My faith runs all over the places like the Smurf's.  I still have it though.  Just a few more questions that I am not even sure I want answered cause I might have to be gone to know the answer.

This was a beautiful story, beautiful voice, and her grandfather must have loved to hear her sing.  I wonder if the daughter he saw as he was dying was her mom.  Thank you George.  

[iPraiseHim]

Few of us really know how we touch and impact other people's lives... even in this forum.  - Shalom

[KATPILOT]

George I am really excited to hear that you are moving forward with your desire to fly. I regret my life has become so hectic that I overlooked this discussion. Have you done the flight physical yet. I just took and passed my very last one.  Happy to have passed it but sad it will come to an end.

I used to pull banners around the sky in 172's. Good airplane.

Do the simulator enough and it makes the real thing seem like a cake walk.

[iPraiseHim]

5 hours ago, KATPILOT said:

George I am really excited to hear that you are moving forward with your desire to fly. I regret my life has become so hectic that I overlooked this discussion. Have you done the flight physical yet. I just took and passed my very last one.  Happy to have passed it but sad it will come to an end.

I used to pull banners around the sky in 172's. Good airplane.

Do the simulator enough and it makes the real thing seem like a cake walk.

No, not yet. I realize I need to get an eye exam and new glasses. I need corrected 20/20 vision to be able to see the airports . markings, landmarks, etc... I'm still working on losing weight, studying for the flight school exam,and funding for the flight lessons.  Business has slowed down this month but I am hopeful that business will improve.  I am practicing with the simulator with some good lessons in the 172. There is so much to learn. 

I learned a valuable lesson last week. I tried to fly when I was overtired and crashed the plane.  I haven't done that since I first started flying. (Don't fly when you are tired, sick, not up to par.)  I am still amazed how much energy it takes to fly the fly simulator.

Congratulations on passing the flight physical.  I hope to when I get my left shoulder in better physical shape ( Shoulder pain issues still.). 

You have a good kind of busy and I wish you well. My hope and goal for now is learning to fly.  - Shalom

[kayc]

12 hours ago, iPraiseHim said:

arned a valuable lesson last week. I tried to fly when I was overtired and crashed the plane.  I haven't done that since I first started flying. (Don't fly when you are tired, sick, not up to par.) 

That's why they have flight simulators...better to learn that with a simulator than a real plane.

 

19 hours ago, KATPILOT said:

I just took and passed my very last one.  Happy to have passed it but sad it will come to an end.

So, Steve, does that mean your flying days are coming to an end?

[KATPILOT]

Yes Kay I will be done in less than two years. It has certainly been a terrific ride since my first solo in 1967 but you have to know when the time is right before circumstances show you. I will however take Patty on a few trips before I quit.

 

[iPraiseHim]

This video speaks about how we are to learn from our hurts, grief, and disappointments in life. I have been pondering about this for awhile...

 

just a change in view or perspective can change our perception.

Shalom.

[iPraiseHim]

Today has been  interesting...

After working a long day, I loaded up my equipment and started to drive home. My phone warning chimes set off twice and then when I turned on my car radio there was another severe "TORNADO WARNING"  close to me. I decided to go back into the home I just cleaned and asked if I could "shelter in place " with them until it past.  So Mom and her three children, and I were all in a small bathroom for about 30 minutes.  There was no actual touchdown thankfully.  We watched the weather and radar and noticed that the storm was traveling in the opposite direction away from my home 30 minutes away.

I started driving home and about ten minutes later, My phone starts sending off its alarm weather tones. "TORNADO WARNING" , Thunderstorms and flooding. It took me 45 minutes to drive home in blinding rain,bumper-to-bumper traffic, and thick, ominous dark clouds swirling above.  

I finally get home and check the local weather and find out that a church about 7 miles away was hit by a tornado and lost about half of its structure.  The church is called,  "REAL CHURCH".  I find the name ironic.

We had two more warnings go off in the next hour.  My family is safe.  y sister says she has a lake in her front yard now and she just needs a boat.

We never know what "real life"  will throw at us at any given moment.  It is best to observe, adapt, and learn from each situation. I am happy to have a home to come home to.  

I see there is more rain predicted in KayC area and pray you will persevere. - Shalom, George 

[Widowedbysuicide]

Wow!  Interesting to say the least!

I'm glad you are safe.

Good luck to you KayC.

 

[brat#2]

George so glad you and your family are safe.  There is nothing more scary than weather situations.  Take care.

Joyce