Patty65

Simultaneous Grief and Love

9 posts in this topic


"I love you. It is as simple and as complicated as that."

I have gone from here, 
And I am still here.
I am in deep anguishing grief, 
And I am in love.
They are opposite, and they are the same.

Am I still a "widow" if I am in love?
Can I find joy and hope with new love, 
And sob in anguish for my lost love, 
In the same day, the same hour, the same minute?
With a note of music or a glance of memory?

I have never known the anguish of this past year,
I never knew it could exist, it did exist.
I still fall deeply, and I want to run, to die, to crumble.
I wonder how I could be loved in this state,
And yet I am, and I love.

I miss him with every fiber of my being
I miss everything we were, and 
Everything we were to become.
I ache for the life he deserved, 
And lost too young.

His bravery in death
Is my bravery to live.
I have been graced by an open window,
To love that does not die,
And can still exist, here and now.

Can this be true?
It must, because here I am.
As simple and as complicated as that.

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:wub:

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Oh my dear Patty. How my heart hurts for you. And at the same time, I rejoice for you ~ and for Stephen, too. Please, please remember that the capacity of the human heart to love is infinite, and if you and Steve have found love for each other, it is to be celebrated. Not only by all of us, but by your precious Ron and Kathy too. After all, it is the two of them who taught each of you what true love is, and to recognize it when you find it.

Take whatever time you need ~ I'm sure that if anyone understands what it is you need, it is this fine man you've been blessed to find. My heart is filled with joy for both of you ~ and at the same time, I cannot imagine how frightening it must be for you to take this leap of faith again. We love you both, and we are here for both of you . . . 

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For a long time, Marty, long before all of this year, my therapist would explain -- how feelings that seem opposite can coexist together.  To be in anguish and rejoice all at once?  It seems such an abstract theory at best.  I want to be here.  I need to be here.  I need here.  I almost feel guilty to, yet the grief is still sharp and biting and everything it can only be.  Yet my love for Steve is an unexpected rainbow -- it exists by the volition of the beautiful rays of sunrise catching the mist of rain after a devastating downpour.

I will still keep trying to find my way here.  Because I love you all, you all have saved my life, in the most ultimately alone and lost days that have ever existed for me.

Much, much love,

Patty

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13 hours ago, Patty65 said:

Am I still a "widow" if I am in love?
Can I find joy and hope with new love, 
And sob in anguish for my lost love, 
In the same day, the same hour, the same minute?

Yes, Patty, you are a widow and you can grieve and love at the same time, one does not cancel the other.  The phrase I use is I coexist with my grief.  I can feel joy at any moment, all while still carrying that sadness that exists since the day I lost George.  I continue to miss him each and every day of my life.  It's hard to label, you can't box it in nice and neat, but it is, you embrace it, all while embracing the love you are finding with Steve.  

You will find that your grief doesn't magically go away even as you build a life with your new love.  Fortunately you are doing so with someone who gets it and understands and is going through the same thing, and it is okay.  I am happy and hopeful for both of you.

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 I was affraid to missunderstand a post somewhere else because I don't speak english, but now I get it! I'm so happy for both of you. What a beautiful thing this forum is. Best wishes. Ana

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Ana, English may not be your first language but you do an amazing job speaking it and understanding it!  I seriously doubt I could do so well with a second language!

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8 hours ago, kayc said:

Ana, English may not be your first language but you do an amazing job speaking it and understanding it!  

No kidding!

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Thank you for the compliments. I love English language

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