Lost in love

[AB3]

I'm at the 3 month mark and still feel all the pain and emptiness that comes with this whole process. Most times I feel like I should be further along, getting back to a sense of normalcy, but normal no longer exists. Instead I'm stuck in love with someone I can't have. No one can understand this except for everyone here of course. I lost my entire life...my fiance, his family, and the few friends I had and everyday I feel like I'm in a totally new world living someone else's life, which is not too far fetched. 

On a semi brighter note...I'm taking some steps to get myself together. Still taking antidepressants which slightly takes the edge off, I'm slowly trying to get back to my art, looking for a new job (my old job was way too far and streesful) and staying busy with school. But most importantly I've been spending more time with my mom...which we use to do all the time but my fiance and I were inseparable and I lost a lot of time with her. After losing him it made me realize how important it is to spend time with her....and as we all know time is not always on our side.

I just wanted to give you all an update on how I'm doing. Also, has anyone heard from Darrel? We were communicating via email but I haven't heard from him in about 2 weeks. Last time we spoke he wasn't doing that well health wise so I'm really concerned about him.

[scba]

I'm stuck in love with someone I can't have. No one can understand this except for everyone here of course. I lost my entire life...my fiance, his family, and the few friends I had and everyday I feel like I'm in a totally new world living someone else's life, which is not too far fetched. 

(Me too.....) . I tell that I died too the day he did. Everything we had, we ment, who I was, dreams, all is dead to me. I am living two lives 2.5 years later. One for the outside, one in the inside. 

 

 

[AB3]

17 minutes ago, scba said:

I am living two lives 2.5 years later. One for the outside, one in the inside.

So very true....on the outside I try to act as normal as possible but inside I'm broken beyond repair.

[kayc]

3 hours ago, scba said:

I'm stuck in love with someone I can't have. No one can understand this except for everyone here of course. I lost my entire life...my fiance, his family, and the few friends I had and everyday I feel like I'm in a totally new world living someone else's life, which is not too far fetched. 

(Me too.....) . I tell that I died too the day he did. Everything we had, we ment, who I was, dreams, all is dead to me. I am living two lives 2.5 years later. One for the outside, one in the inside. 

 

 

This is what any of us could have wrote.  Ana, I'm so sorry this is how you're feeling.
AB3,

Darrel has disappeared from both forums he belonged to, at the same time.  Not sure what is going on with him, no one has contact.

[scba]

From Tim Lawrence blog:

"I've experienced the first time too many times now. Every time it was a s*** storm of confusion and pain and longing and oh-dear-god-how-the-hell-did-this-happn. It didn't get easier. Only I didn't die. The bleeding just kept on coming. 

At the same time, there was one overwhelming experience that was always present with every loss: I became consumed with a surge of love so strong it nearly wrecked me. This was an aching love, the kind of love that rushes up throughout you, desperate to burst. Its intensity shatters you to your core, because you can't give this love anymore. Your loved one isn't there to receive it. The greatest gift in your being doesn't have a home, leaving this love to collapse inside of you with nowhere to go. 

This is the kind of love that doesn't feel good at all, but is necessary for your survival. This is anything but easy. It doesn't feel like there's anything to learn, you may have no sense of redemption, and no matter how grateful you may feel for the time you had with them, you're pissed. You want them back. And you have every right to"

http://www.timjlawrence.com/blog/2016/12/19/death

 

 

 

[MartyT]

The part you've shared above is striking, Ana, but I think that Tim Lawrence's entire piece is well worth reading, all the way through to the end.  ♥