Betterdays2017

Struggling with loss of my brother

5 posts in this topic

I'm a 27 year old female who lost her 30 year old brother last year Feb 16 2016. I'l never forget that day, it was by far the hardest day (aside from his funeral) that I've ever endured. I find myself struggling still even after the 1 year mark which has only passed a mere month ago. It was a very sudden and tragic death and I miss him dearly (he passed away in his sleep from a sudden heart attack). I know he will always be in my heart forever and always on my mind. Grief is such a strong and strange feeling. A feeling that for me I find is so hard to feel and deal with. Today has been a hard day for me mentally I find it still hard to believe and I keep picturing him in my mind alive and well although I know the truth. I'm not so sure I've reached any "acceptance" stage yet but I don't feel that I'm in denial if that makes sense. He also had a baby girl 6 weeks old, I'm so glad he got to meet her. I think that also weighs on my mind when I see her and think that she's going to grow up with no father it breaks my heart. He was Sooo very excited to have his daughter and finally be engaged. I can't help but feel depressed about this and feel upset and even angry. I joined this group in hopes of finding some support and I hope that through other people's experiences and hopefully positive outcomes that I can truly heal from this pain. 

 

Xo

Betterdays2017

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Betterdays2017 ,

Welcome to a place that you can share, learn and grow to understand about grief.  There is no timetable of healing and recovery.  Each of us learns to deal with grief and loss as it affects us but the beauty of this place is that these people here "get it" and understand"  Most of the outside world doesn't understand this grief.  Grief is yet another expression of love that you have for your brother.  My brother died eight years ago in his sleep on February first.  I spoke to him two days prior.  He had pneumonia and was taking medicine for it.  His sudden death was a surprise to us all.

MartyT, and may other people will come, listen, and share.  Your feelings are normal for grief.  You are not alone in this journey.  - Shalom, George

 

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3 hours ago, Betterdays2017 said:

I'm not so sure I've reached any "acceptance" stage yet but I don't feel that I'm in denial if that makes sense.

Dear one, I think reaching any "acceptance" stage in grief is a myth perpetuated by the notion that grief occurs in neatly ordered stages, and somehow we're all supposed to end up in that particular one. As stated in this article, In Grief: Aversion to Thoughts of "Acceptance" and "Moving On" :

Most of us mourners have trouble with words like “acceptance,” because in truth the death of our loved ones will never, ever be “acceptable” to us. If these particular words bother you, try substituting words like “reconciliation” and “integration,” and understand that it takes a lot of time and a lot of hard work to get to that point in your own grief journey.

As for being in a state of denial, I can assure you that your very presence here with us ~ fellow mourners all ~ indicates quite the opposite. Clearly you are very much in touch with your grief and actively looking for ways to better understand and cope with it. Good for you. You are not alone, and we will support you in any way we can. Welcome.

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Betterdays,

I'm sorry for the loss of your brother, that must have been a huge shock.  No one expects to lose their brother, age 30.  It's very hard thinking of his baby girl growing up without her daddy.  

There's no reason to have to put labels on ourselves (like acceptance) when we struggle with the semantics and what they mean to us.  I choose to use the words "realization of" because the word acceptance can imply we're okay with it and we'll never be okay with it.  I know that's not what the counselors and books mean, but even so, it's okay to use different words that more aptly describe the meaning to us.  One year, ten years, you'll probably still feel the same about it...the only thing that seems to change is our adjustment to it.  We are amazing creatures that I have found have the ability to cope better than I'd have ever thought possible.  Me, it wasn't my brother that passed, it was my sweet husband, he was just 51...we met in our mid 40s, and it felt way too soon, we'd thought we had years left together to enjoy each other's company before we'd face anything like this.  Over and over I encounter those in their 20s facing loss, and it feels so unfair, so very hard...my heart goes out to you.

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Hun I am in the same boat I lost my little brother on May 25th 2016 and it's been hard I was at work when I got the news I went into shock and found out that he had killed his self in my parents home and my mom found him. I am still struggling every day I miss his voice and his laugh and knowing I will never be able to talk to him or see him hurts. Hes two years younger than me. My mom and sis still have a hard time they were the ones to come home and find his body.

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