I accidently killed my cat

[HaleyM]

Yesterday was a busy day for me. It was my day off and I had a whole house to clean. I have 3 children under the age of 5 and my brain is in shatters all the time. I was cleaning my bathroom and i needed to do the laundry in there. I opened up my dryer, threw the few items in there on top of it, and went to get the clothes from the bathroom. I put the dirty clothes on the floor and then threw the clothes from the washer into the dryer. I left the door open and went to grab a few more items i could fit and started the washer. Then i started the dryer. A few towels i threw on top were dangling down so i opened the dryer up again and fixed it then went about cleaning. 20 minutes later i started sweeping my living room (about 15 feet from my dryer) and i thought i heard a meow. I have 5 cats so i always think i hear meowing. I stopped for a second and listened. I didnt hear anything and started cleaning again. Then my mom went to pull towles out of the dryer to help and she started screaming for me. I rushed over and she couldnt speak but on the door of the dryer i saw blood. I checked all around and my 3 kids were fine and i could not figure out where the blood was coming from. Finally she said "cat" and i knew. I looked inside and found my Ghost who i rescued from the pound 3 years ago dead and wrapped in the laundry. I pulled him out and he was stiff and i lost it. After a while of me sobbing and saying im so sorry to my baby my husband came home and took him. I watched my mom take out the laundry and there was blood all over it. She tried to clean it but i cant use it. I cant get the site of my baby out of my mind. I didnt hear any thuds in the dryer and when i opened it he didnt crawl out. I saw him a few minutes before i threw the clothes in playing with my other cat near the dryer. I feel so guilty. I know it was an accident but i did this. I was so careless and scatter brained and i should have paid more attention. I killed my baby and i never even knew he was missing. I dont know what to do or where to go from here. How can i move on when i killed him? He was my baby. I thought i saved him from the pound but i just brought him here to be murdered. I saw a few other posts with similar stories. Please someone tell me where to go and what i can do. Im so lost.

 

Im so so sorry Ghost. I never wanted to hurt you. You are the best cat i could ever ask for. I will miss you so, so much. Please forgive me.

[MartyT]

 

30 minutes ago, HaleyM said:

I saw a few other posts with similar stories. Please someone tell me where to go and what i can do. Im so lost.

Haley, my dear, as I'm sure you know from the few other posts you've read in this forum with stories similar to your own, there is nothing we can say to change the outcome of your own horror story, and nothing we can do to remove the load of guilt you're carrying now. This was a terrible, terrible accident ~ and one that unfortunately is far too common ~ but an accident nonetheless. I am so sorry. I hope you will follow some of the links to Suggested Resources that you'll find listed in this article, and know that you are not alone in this tragedy: Pet Loss: Curious Cats Get Killed in Clothes Dryers

[HaleyM]

I am so full of sorry and guilt. I have yet to explain to my 4 year old why our baby isnt jumping in the bath with him anymore. He is a silly cat, my Ghost. Truly one of a kind. He loves baths. Every time he heard the water going he ran to the bathroom door. If he had the chance to run in he would take it. I had to barricade him out in fear his skin would dry out. He also loves to crawl in bed with me and kneed the blankets until he was comfortable then he would snuggle up and sleep. He wasnt fond of many people. I have the scars from first getting him to prove it. But once bis heart warmed up to you he was the best companion. He would walk right on over to our 120 lb dog and let him know he was the boss. A truly unique soul. I failed him. I think his best friend knows he is gone. Hes been meowing and screaming. I can only think searching for my Ghost. He will adapt. I only hope i will too. In a way im glad it was me. Had anyone else done so i would never forgive them. I come here begging for his forgiveness, as well as all of yours. He was an amazing buddy. I am so sorry.

[MartyT]

What we love most about our animal companions is the unconditional love they have for us ~ so I've no doubt that your Ghost loves you dearly and knows very well how much you love him too ~ and surely he has forgiven you already, just as we can forgive you for making a very human and an all-too-common mistake. But the one from whom you really need to obtain forgiveness, Haley, is YOU. That is the only way you will come to terms with this horrific accident. My hope for you is that, when you feel as if you've punished yourself enough and you feel ready to do so, you will find it in your heart a way to forgive yourself. ♥

[kayc]

Haley,

I am so sorry.  Many of us have lost an animal to an accident...with me it was my precious family dog, Fluffy.  He'd crawled into the van when I'd left the back end open for a minute...unbeknownst to me.  He was very quiet as I drove to work because he knew he wasn't supposed to sneak into the van, but he'd wanted a ride.  Not knowing he was there, I'd left the windows rolled up and went inside to work the next eight hours.  It was a hot summer day and when I came out to the van, I opened the door and he rolled out into my arms, stiff as a board.  The vet told me it would have been at least 140 in there and his brain would have exploded (great, I needed to hear that).  All the time I was just on the other side of my office window.  Did he bark, did he try to get my attention?  My heart was literally broken.  That was about 19 years ago and I remember it like it was yesterday.  

You didn't murder your cat.  Murder involves intent.  It was an accident.  We want more than anything in the world to protect our little ones.  Sometimes we can't be all places at once or see everything or hear everything or know what they're up to.  We do our best, but we ARE human and have limits and what we view as deficiencies.  We have to forgive ourselves for not being omnipotent and omnipresent as we think we should somehow be.  We will always miss our pets, we will continue to feel bad their lives ended prematurely, but I do hope you'll consider forgiving yourself for what you did not know or intend.

I hope this article is of help to you as it has been to me:
http://media.wix.com/ugd/0dd4a5_e934e7f92d104d31bcb334d6c6d63974.pdf
I have learned over the years that guilt has a purpose and that purpose is to teach us something that needs changing.  Once we have LEARNED that lesson, however, it is no longer guilt that haunts us, but shame.  Shame is quite different in that it doesn't serve us constructively...quite the contrary, it is the opposite of empowerment, it holds us down and renders us impotent to go forward with life's lessons intact, it tells us we are bad when we are not.  Shame is something to let go of!  It is not helpful, it is hurtful.  I'm sure you will always be cognizant of the dryer, just as I will always check my vehicle for wayward pets.  We do not need, then, to hold onto guilt, and certain not shame.  We are just people, fallible, but loving.  And your cat got to experience some great years with you, just as my dog go to.  I believe with all my heart we will be with them again.  And that thought keeps me going forward with hope.

 

[HaleyM]

I cant say i feel better, but i had my peace with God and woke up forgiving myself. I know ill be okay one day. Ill never forget what happened. The evenrs of that day are forever in my mind. My Ghost is gone and i can't bring him back. Honestly reading these stories on this site has made me feel so much better. I am NOT ALONE in this and that makes me so sad for the babies who died but i know how i feel is not odd nor am i a monster. Ive come to grips with the fact it was a terrible accident. One easily avoidable but unforgetable never the less. I hope i have the strenght to share my story one day and save another life. Shame has set in and i will never fully forgive myself. It hurts so bad, but i must accept it. I pray God walks me through this. And i hope my story helps someone else like your stories have helped me. What a wonderful site this is - we are not alone.

 

To my Ghost. You were the best friend i could ever ask for. We spent 3 great years together and i hope you enjoyed my company as much as i did yours. I wish i could have saved you. You are forever my baby. Until the next life, my sweet boy. 

[kayc]

7 hours ago, HaleyM said:

Shame has set in and i will never fully forgive myself.

Try to replace that statement with "I am having a hard time forgiving myself but I will try to get there."  One day at a time.

[Clematis]

10 hours ago, HaleyM said:

I am NOT ALONE in this and that makes me so sad for the babies who died but i know how i feel is not odd nor am i a monster. Ive come to grips with the fact it was a terrible accident. One easily avoidable but unforgetable never the less

Haley, I am so sorry to hear that this happened to you. Anyone feels terrible about having injured a pet, and it happens a lot. I have a friends who have similar stories, one of whom had two dogs who developed pancreatitis from an overly fat diet from table scraps. It's been years, but she hasn't forgotten it and is now advising me about a better diet for my cat Lena so that she does not go down the same road. These animals, out beloved pets, live right with us and are into everything we do...it is hard to protect them from everything and think ahead of everything that could happen as hard as we might try.

My cat is my best friend and I try so hard to make sure she is safe, has the best food and that nothing happens to her. Nevertheless, I sometimes step on her paw or tail and feel terrible. She is an indoor cat, but has gotten out a few times and I was terrified. Just last week she was sick because I had fed her some new foods that had too much fat in them even though I was starting to think that she didn't do well with high fat. Now I know I need to be more careful, but I felt very guilty. She is a therapy cat and visits people in nursing homes, schools, etc, and so she has more risks than most cats. I try so hard to make sure nothing happens to her, but once her tail got closed in the car door. It was awful! As it turned out, it was pinched and not injured, but when my vet friend was explaining to me on the phone that sometimes cats have to have their tails amputated from injuries like this...well it was horrible. She was fine, still has an intact tail, and still is totally nonchalant about where that tail is and if it's at risk. I am much more careful about the doors if Lena is anywhere near the car, but it doesn't mean there will never be any more accidents.

They are vulnerable, our little pets, and accidents happen to the most vigilant of us. I think we just have to be careful and live with the fact that none of us are perfect at anything, even being parents to our beloved pets. We all feel for you because the loss alone, without the feelings of guilt, is a staggering blow, and all of us here are very familiar with that path. Hang in there and keep us posted!

[kayc]

My "niece" (sister's dog) Polly died from Pancreatitis after she helped herself to the Christmas ham that was on the table.  They spent $2,000 at the vet, only to lose her anyway.  They felt horrible, she was their baby, but no matter how vigilant we are, accidents do seem to happen.

[Clematis]

17 hours ago, kayc said:

My "niece" (sister's dog) Polly died from Pancreatitis after she helped herself to the Christmas ham that was on the table.  They spent $2,000 at the vet, only to lose her anyway.  They felt horrible, she was their baby, but no matter how vigilant we are, accidents do seem to happen.

That is terrible! Did Polly have any signs of pancreatitis before the ham, or was it entirely brought on by the ham?

[kayc]

No, she had no signs of it, it was entirely brought on by the ham.