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musicluvr1991

feeling a lot of guilt and regret

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It's been just over 3 months since a good friend of mine died unexpectedly and i've been having a really hard time. I've been feeling really guilty and regretting not spending more time with him. It wasn't that i didn't want to, of course, but it still kinda makes me feel like a bad friend. There's a part of me that knows that's stupid and illogical, but i just can't help it. And i just can't help thinking about how unfair it is, he was only 25, he had so much left to do, and it makes me really sad to think of all the things he'll never get to experience. This is the first time i've ever lost someone my own age, and i have to admit, it's really done a number on my mind

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kayc   

I am so sorry.  My daughter lost a good friend to liver failure, he was just 25, he used to work at the same place as me and it's a small town so we all knew him.  He left behind a twin.  This was many years ago and we still remember him.  All his friends got matching tattoos in his memory, I thought that was really sweet.  His birthday was 9/11, so not like we can ever forget it.

It's very tough to lose a good friend.  One of the people that used to be my best friend, shared the same name as me, we raised our kids together, our daughters were best friends, well they moved away years ago, but I always had the hope we'd make it back into each other's lives, more than just an email, or very occasional visit...but she died a few months ago from a very aggressive cancer.  I felt kind of like you, I wish I'd taken the time off to drive across the state and SEE her more often.  No matter how often we connected though, the connection was always there, and the love continues.  It's very very hard when a life ends so young, impossible to understand.

My heart goes out to you as you try to find your way through this.  Know the connection still exists, the love doesn't die with the body, someday, someplace, we'll find each other again.
 

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Thank you very much :) i'm actually thinking of getting a memorial tattoo for him sometime soon. I'm sorry about your friend and your daughter's friend, you're right, it's really hard when you lose someone too young :'(

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kayc   

I lost my husband almost 12 years ago and I have a tattoo with our symbol and his name underneath it in his handwriting.  It's someplace no one sees but it's comforting just having it.;)

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Jstar845   

I admire your strength. I am very sorry to hear about your friends’ death. It’s understandable how difficult this is for you to handle. Sometimes when we lose someone close to us we have regrets about not enough time with them. Try not to hold this against yourself and you have to forgive yourself for this. I know that your friend knew that you cared about him as he cared about you. When someone leaves us young it does have a big effect on us. But, it’s okay to grieve by crying to get this out. I’m wondering if you have tried any coping methods ?. Maybe meditation, exercise, journaling, activities you enjoy, talk to those who are close to you, pets, or music. We are here for you.  

 

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thanks very much :) I'm working on forgiving myself, but i know it's gonna take time. I'm very lucky to have a great group of friends and very supportive parents, so that's really helped a lot :) I've also been writing and listening to music too :) 

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I have recently lost two of friends of mine, and have the same feelings you are having. It is very tough to lose a friend, especially when you feel like there wasn't enough time spent together. Try not to hold it against yourself, it will be difficult but maybe try different hobbies that can help you with coping this loss.

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