Why Is This Different?

[Heavens Mama]

I've lost many pets, but the recent loss of my best friend Heaven has hit me like no other. My heart is shattered, every day is a challenge...  How do I live with the pain of her loss? I don't want to "move on" or forget, I've actually had days where I can't leave my house... I get In the shower and I start to sob, things go down hill from there. I don't understand why my pain gets worse as the days go by, in the past I'd be sad then mad then numb. I haven't even gotten throw something at the wall mad like I did when one of my cats passed suddenly. I don't know how to handle it and my friends don't know how to help. Sunday my husband and I got into it, he never really let on how much he is hurting, I try to hide my pain from him and I guess he does the same but Sunday we both kind of pounced. back in the shower the hot tears of sorrow just started and they kept coming, I curled up on one of Heavens beds holding her pillow desperately trying to smell her. I cried for hours at the same time texting my gf and the last thing she needs right now is her crazy friend adding to her stress... I got the booklet that came with Heavens remains and found this site..  

Yesterday in Florida where I am stuck living a man killed his gf, her father, shot her two young sons and two other witnesses, one of the young boys died this am and his father has been on the news. I'm watching the news bawling for the loss this man feels. If I'm having this much trouble dealing with my loss I can't even begin to imagine how he is going to deal with his. ????

[iPraiseHim]

48 minutes ago, Heavens Mama said:

I've lost many pets, but the recent loss of my best friend Heaven has hit me like no other. My heart is shattered, every day is a challenge...  How do I live with the pain of her loss? I don't want to "move on" or forget, I've actually had days where I can't leave my house... I get In the shower and I start to sob, things go down hill from there. I don't understand why my pain gets worse as the days go by, in the past I'd be sad then mad then numb. I haven't even gotten throw something at the wall mad like I did when one of my cats passed suddenly. I don't know how to handle it and my friends don't know how to help. Sunday my husband and I got into it, he never really let on how much he is hurting, I try to hide my pain from him and I guess he does the same but Sunday we both kind of pounced. back in the shower the hot tears of sorrow just started and they kept coming, I curled up on one of Heavens beds holding her pillow desperately trying to smell her. I cried for hours at the same time texting my gf and the last thing she needs right now is her crazy friend adding to her stress... I got the booklet that came with Heavens remains and found this site..  

Yesterday in Florida where I am stuck living a man killed his gf, her father, shot her two young sons and two other witnesses, one of the young boys died this am and his father has been on the news. I'm watching the news bawling for the loss this man feels. If I'm having this much trouble dealing with my loss I can't even begin to imagine how he is going to deal with his. ????

Those of us here, understand your pain and grief. The world tells us we should "move on" and get on with life. But others have not suffered the loss  you have. Most of us are taught to just "suck it up and get over it".  Your DEEP feeling of grief are personal, real, and RAW for you.  Take the time to cry, mourn, and embrace the loss.  There is no time table for grief.  You GRIEVE deeply because you love deeply.  It is the price we pay for that love. You are not crazy, or depressed... you are grieving and it takes time and a lot of energy.  Everyone grieves and mourns different , too!.  Find a grief counselor, friend, pastor, or post here and just express those thoughts that travel in your brain.

We will listen, care, pray, and share your burdens and pain. We are no better than others outside this group we have just found a safe place to share and lift each other up. I have mourned the loss of five different dogs in my lifetime. Their good memories are always with me and how much they shared their love daily in my life.   - Shalom 

[kayc]

Heavens Mama,

I am so sorry you are experiencing so much pain.  Perhaps YOU feel you should be "making progress" and are feeling astounded when you are not...yet all you are going through IS normal and not at all unexpected considering.  As reality sets in and shock wears off, we may begin to feel it more, hence wondering why it seems to be getting WORSE, not BETTER!  Shock can protect us from feeling the full effects...plus, as time goes by, we realize they aren't coming back, it's not a bad dream, denial starts to leave and we are left dealing with the aftermath of what has taken place.

I have learned to embrace my grief rather than run from it.  Some try drinking their way through it to numb their feelings...not a good idea.  Some try to keep themselves so busy so as to distract themselves from their feelings.  When all is said and done, their grief is still waiting for them to deal with it, they didn't gain a thing by the distraction.  There is no way to circumvent grief, there is only to go straight through it.  Feel it, allow our pain it's time, and in time and with great effort, we begin to heal.  The effort we put in is individual, reading about loss and grief, journaling, perhaps seeing a grief counselor, memorializing or other rituals we do to honor the one deceased.  Don't listen to those who say "It's just a pet", to you the one you lost was your companion, your family member, your best friend!  That is worthy of grieving.  

The intensity of the pain you feel right now will eventually dull and you will adjust eventually to living your life in its altered state.  I carry my loss with me, and have learned to coexist with my grief.  I have learned to experience joy for the moment, even while carrying this loss...but it did not happen for me overnight.

I wish you well on your grief journey.

[Heavens Mama]

Thank you both for taking the time to reply to my post. Since joining this site I've started to feel a lil bit more like me. Heaven was a very special pup, she had human eyes that could see to ones soul. There were times we would sit and look deep into each other's eyes and it felt like she knew what I was thinking. Come to find out she did. I learned to speak her language but she knew how to hide her pain, probably because she had to endure so much. I hope and pray that there is a afterlife where we can be with our furbabies once again. Her rescue gave me another pup shortly after Heaven passed and since he is so different from Heaven it was easy to take him in. He's a lil comedian and a great love bug. One day I would love to have another Blue Nosed pittie but not yet. It's way too soon. 

[kayc]

I think most people seem to feel there is some sort of afterlife.  We are made of energy and it does not die, only our physical body gives out. I love this video and hope it brings you comfort.

 

[Heavens Mama]

Thank you for sharing, I can't wait for the day I see my special girl again, she was the best thing I have ever done. Her rescue gifted me another dog, one totally unlike Heaven and I love him very much, he's a big help in my healing. 

[kayc]

I'm glad you have him.  One doesn't replace another as they're so unique, but it helps to have someone else loving you through it.