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I can't cry


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My mum passed away on the 9th April 2017, just over a week ago. I have 2 sisters, but one died 10 years ago, so now it's just me and my sister who is 2 years older. She lives approx 5hrs from me, but 35mins before our mum died she got to the hospital in time. We were holding our mums hands until she took her last breath. I cried and told her I would always love her and cried the next day, but haven't since, I am devasted. It all happened so quickly, but even though she was ill, she died of something else. I feel sad and want to scream as my mum was my life. She lived with me, so we were very close. I just can't believe she is gone and feel that I'm going to wake up soon from this nitemare I am in and everything will be ok. When I was a little girl I used to lay in bed and cry because I couldn't bear the thought of losing my mum and now it has happened I feel numb. Is this normal? Trudy

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I'm so sorry for your loss, my dear ~ but I can assure you that feeling numb in the wake of your mother's death is normal ~ especially since it's only been a week since your mum died. As you say, up until a week ago, your mum was an intimate part of your daily life. You simply cannot adjust to such an enormous loss in the blink of an eye. In grief, the initial shock and numbness is Nature's way of protecting you from the full force of this blow.

I encourage you to do some reading about what is normal in grief, so you'll have a better understanding of what to expect and what you can do to manage your reactions. See, for example, Finding Crying Time in Grief and Taking Time to Mourn A Mother's Death.

And here in this forum you are among many daughters and sons who share in your experience of losing our mums too soon, and I hope it helps to know you're not alone. We are here with you, sharing in your pain, as long as you want us to be. 

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Trudy,

Oh yes, this is normal.  I'm sorry for the loss of your mom, I lost my own 2 1/2 years ago.  Tears come when they want to with a mind of their own.  They are not a measure of love or loss, nor is the lack of them.  I think of them like a release valve on a pressure cooker, they can be helpful to us but they're not a barometer of anything.
I'm glad your sister was able to make it and you were together facing your mom's transition.

Here's another article:
http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2014/07/in-grief-when-tears-wont-come_14.html

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I'm sorry for your loss. My mother died over 10 years ago, I still miss her daily.  I felt a numbness too, sort of like 'disbelief' as if I was watching myself from the outside in.  My relationship with GOD was my only strength.  I believe in life after death, so what energizes me is that I will see my mother again.  I know Focus on the Family has counselors you can talk to free of charge (855-382-5433).  I hope this helps you.

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Thank you all for your kind words, It really helps to talk to people. I think I am still in shock as I just can't believe she is gone. I still don't have a funeral date, so hoping once the funeral has taken place I will start accepting she is gone and be able to grieve properly. I miss her so much, it hurts. Thank you all again xx

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