Guilt

[lightworker506]

I'm not really certain how these forum things work. I've never participated in one. But I've been having a extremely hard time getting over a few things involving the death of my mother. I feel an immense guilt over the time not spent with her. Also over the resentment I had for her as a teenager. I'm in my early 20s you see. So I'm at that age where you just start to realize how many valuable lessons your parents actually had for you. And how much they truly mean to you despite the things they've done to hurt you. And now that I'm making these realizations I'm starting to feel guilty for ever blaming her for my life's turmoil. And I feel like my timing couldn't be worse. I don't have the opportunity to tell her I've realized these things now. I know she knows my hearts intentions, but that doesn't ease the guilt of how I could have made her feel up until the day she passed. My guilt involving my overall relationship with my mother is starting to become increasingly overwhelming. It's putting a huge strain on my other relationships. And on my spiritual progress, and emotional well-being. I'm just looking for some advice I suppose. Or just a friend to relate to.

 

So much love,

Lightworker506

 

[iPraiseHim]

lightworker506,

Welcome.  your sharing helps other people in your situation that may not even be able to express>  Growing up is hard. I blamed my father for many of the problems in my life growing up.  It took a few years and some counseling to unravel some of life's complexities. 

The definition of guilt is ... a remorseful awareness of having done something wrong.

But at the time you did not know what you do now.  We tend to put such undue expectations on ourselves. when we did not know what we did not know then.  It is okay to ask forgiveness now to her and also forgive yourself. 

Please be kind to yourself. This experience will change you.  Death changes all of us in ways we couldn't imagine.  Relax. Breathe... and notice your other relationships in your life.  And determine what you learn from this experience and apply to the other people around you.  Grieving is a normal and natural process. Much of the world ignores it. Here we embrace each other, share the grief walk and how we can support each other as we move forward each day.  

It is not easy to deal with grief at any age but there are tools, articles, that MartyT, and many others will come in and share to help.  Please know that you are not alone- Shalom  

 

 

,

[kayc]

Guilt serves its purpose when it shows us something we need to change within ourselves.  Beyond that, it becomes shame, which rather than serve a purpose, holds us down and paralyzes us, keeping us from growing productively.  You have already comes to some realizations, so if guilt had a role in this, it is complete now and you can let go of it and not let these feelings weigh you down.

Guilt is a common grief response.  We think all the what ifs like we're trying to find a different outcome, that maybe we could have prevented something or changed the ending.  But we can't.

I hope these articles are of help to you (note there are other articles listed at the bottom): 

http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2012/03/guilt-and-regret-in-grief.html 

http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2012/12/grief-and-burden-of-guilt.html 

http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2016/03/in-grief-coping-with-moment-of-death.html