Just one of those days....

[Maynard]

21 hours ago, sunstreet said:

Encouraging you to find the tools that work for you and have a toolbox that you can draw from.

Blessings, Carol Ann

Thank you so much, Carol Ann.  You mentioned some interesting tools.  I'm working through the reading Marty put in her post and learning ideas - trying some that work and some that don't, at least yet - and some still to try or find out about. I will find and read the book you mentioned, "Life after Loss bye Bob Deits".  Others here have mentioned that book too. 

It's a rather interesting journey.  When my Cody was dying, a chaplain once asked him if he was depressed or had suicidal thoughts.  His reply was "hell no, this is all so interesting I want to ride it out all the way to the end, just to see what happens".  And...that he did.  It broke my heart, but what a positive way to look at walking the path into death.  He had to pull away from me - not in an unloving way - but his spirit had to prepare to move on to the other side alone - without me.  Now I have to learn to live on this side alone without him - except that I didn't have time to prepare while he was still here.  And I try to have the same attitude as him -  To see it as interesting. Except I'm not past the hurting enough yet, I think.  But I do value everything about his ways of seeing things in life and in death and want to fulfill as much as possible of 'what rubbed off on me' in honor to him during the rest of my life.  Does that make sense?

I think our loves that have left, don't have these sad, helpless feelings to deal with like we do.  They are totally free, completely fulfilled and saturated in love.  I know they remember us, even come to watch over us - but they know the truth now.  That's something we can't know in our human forms.  So they don't worry, cry, miss us - because they know they're still with us in the most important way - through our hearts, souls and spirits.  I know that from life after death experiences people I know have shared, and I'm glad they don't feel the way we who are left behind do.

[sunstreet]

Dear Maynard

You are so very welcome! Another tool that I use that I forgot to mention and that is a diffuser, well have three of them. One in the bedroom, one in my art studio, and one in the family room.  It's a little pot that you put water in and then add essential oils into and it diffuse them into the air.  I know some think this odd to use as tool for grief but for me it works.  In the bedroom I use two different essential oils and they are lavender and pettigrain helps to promote sleep for me. It is here I use my guided imagery alongside the essential oils being diffused.   In my art studio I use cinnamon leaf and clove bud for me seems to promote motivation and revitalization.  It is here that I do my journaling and where I work on my book that my Melissa inspired me to write, and my poetry. In the family room I like to use bergamot which for me has a pleasant calming effect.  I suppose because of my hearing loss my sense of smell is enhanced I think.  Anyhow not sure that is something you want to try but thought I would mention it.

Thank you for sharing about your Cody and his wonderful outlook on life and death.  What a wonderful gift your Cody gave to you.  And yes it makes total sense you want to honor him by enlisting this thinking and implementing into you life.  I think is a wonderful testament to the love you two shared. 

Yes that is my belief too that our loves that have left don't have the same journey of grief that we do. I believe they are restored to health in mind and body and I too believe they come to help us.  Your vision of the afterlife is similar to mine and for me it brings me great comfort.

Encouraging you and thanks for sharing.

Blessings, Carol Ann

[Marie Lee]

Carol Ann, I like the essential oils idea....glad you have a sounding board Maynard....and Gwen, I am glad you have a financial advisor. I think I found one at the bank yesterday ...so, hopefully, this will be one burden lifted...somewhat.

I did finally decide to just stay put in this house, in the country. I can go to the artsy side of town and walk parks, and then to the beaches at my convenience. I still struggle with being alone. I have avoided a few group meet upsw recently as I just get tired of going every where alone...

I have a very understanding gentleman that is becoming a true friend. I am not sure I can offer more than friendships and he is ok with that. I have went on some dates...it's ok....maybe I will figure out my new chapter.

I do miss physical contact but don't want to do something I will regret....

I have my nephews wedding coming up in CO. I booke a vacation rental.....now to make airline reservations and get a rental car....all these things Kev always liked doing...I say to people, aim guess it's time for me to grow up! Lol

My daughter in law was telling me a story of the butterfly...when it's in transition form, the cocoon ..it's goo..

It became a funny joke for us, as we were talking about conversation when meeting people, the dreaded questions, what do you do for a living and then telling them I am a widow ...the conversation takes a nose dive...

But our joke was, -hello; I am goo, how are you?

We got a good chuckle out of it.

It is interesting that the caterpillar has to be broken down to be built back up...and, the more it struggles the longer it lives.

Interesting parallels...God is always showing us Life is beautiful and worth it , but it's not easy...

I was talking to my cousin about all my experience with being a widow, from the guilt at surviving the accident, to the online dating world..making major financial decisions , missing physical touch...she commented on how much I was going through..she hadn't thought of some of the obstacles, etc....and encouraged me to allow myself to feel whatever I am feeling...not to let others make me feel bad for my feelings....even to be angry at it ....because it does STINK.

Anger would be good, it would be energy....lately, I just read,,,surf the net for whatever idea or chat with someone...online,etc...

Today I have a counseling session, then lunch with my mom, then home to my puppy :-). Maybe I will start some housework..

Its just me....so I don't care if it's a little messy ...but I really need to start caring...soon...at least I get up and get dressed...even put on makeup most days! 

Thanks for letting me rattle on...hugs, Marie

[kayc]

14 hours ago, Maynard said:

When my Cody was dying, a chaplain once asked him if he was depressed or had suicidal thoughts.  His reply was "hell no, this is all so interesting I want to ride it out all the way to the end, just to see what happens".  

He sounds very special!