Jump to content
Grief Healing Discussion Groups

Can't stop crying


Kathy1951

Recommended Posts

On 4-25-2017-- I killed my cat--Can't stop crying-- Feel so guilty
 Loss power due to weather--Trying to get ready in the dark for work. My Sweet 13 year old cat wanted to eat. I placed her food in her plate next to my laundry room ,Like I have done daily as a morning ritual.  She was eating.Told my husband , I was off to work & I had cracked the front door open so that Pippy could come out when she wanted-- Like I have always done,& to make sure he closes the door when he left for work & make sure she was inside. I went out an stared my Jeep & proceeded to pull off, When I heard & felt this stomach sickening THUD!!  I got real sick at my stomach & my Heart dropped. I stopped immediately & got out to see what happened, Checking the driveway & under the Jeep I saw nothing, everything was clear. I proceeded to work but still had this awful feeling in the pit of my stomach. My husband called & Told me I had killed my cat-- MY SWEET PIPPY.   I cried all day long at work, with drawn, Not productive at all,wasn't allowed to leave work. I finally made it home -- All I can see no matter which room I go to-- Is my sweet Pippy with this special Meow she had & her quivering tail she would always demonstrate.  CAN'T QUIT CRYING-- WHY OH WHY DIDN't I look before pulling off-- You see my Vet had said  that my sweet cat had become ?deaf, I am so GUILT STRICKEN!!   Can't eat & I can't sleep. HOW WILL I EVER COPE!! I KEEP RE LIVING this day, WHY DIDN'T I LOOK!!!-- MY SWEET PIPPY I MISS YOU SO-- She would sleep at the foot of ny bed overnight,sometimes she would get beside me-- & sometimes I would have to make her get back at the foot of the bed-- I would start coughing--?Allergies --Maybe her cat dander. Oh MY God I am so SORRY!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Kathy, my dear, I am so very sorry for your loss, and I know there is nothing we can say to erase the guilt and sorrow you are feeling in the wake of this horrid, tragic accident. But please recognize this one simple fact: This was an ACCIDENT. You did not set out deliberately and intentionally to bring harm to your beloved Pippy. What happened to her was an ACCIDENT. I urge you to read through some of the other threads in this forum, so you can see that you are not alone. We are human. We've all made mistakes. Sometimes our mistakes bring tragic consequences. But there is not a soul you'll find in this warm and caring place who will pass judgment on you for what happened to your Pippy.

I wish for peace, healing and forgiveness to your broken heart . . .

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Kathy,

I am so sorry.  I had a similar experience years ago with our family dog, Fluffy.  I'd taken him and our cat George to the vet for shots. The vet had prescribed some medicine for the cat, so when I got home, I let Fluffy out and the kids and I were trying to administer the medicine to our cat.  The back end of the van was still open.  We got done and let George loose.  I closed the van and drove to work.  I worked at a mill and there was a lot of dust so I always left the windows rolled up tight.  When I got off work, I went out to the van to put my stuff in and I opened the door and Fluffy rolled out into my arms, stiff as a board.  It's like out of a horror story!  I screamed!  No one was around.  I called the vet and ran him over there.  What did I think the vet could do, bring him back to life?!  He pronounced him dead.  He told me it'd be at least 140 in there and his brain would have burst.  I didn't need that mental picture, why did he tell me that!  All this time I was inside my office and he was just on the other side of the window, dying!  Did he ever bark, did he try to get my attention?  I never heard a thing if he did.  He was the sweetest dog in the world, still had years ahead of him.  

Apparently he'd sneaked back into the van and hadn't peeped a bit because he knew he wasn't supposed to be in there.  Ten miles to work, I never heard a thing.  I know your feelings of guilt, we always feel that because we feel we should have done something differently, but as Marty said, it was an accident!  We never would have hurt them, not in a million years!  

This article helped me a lot, and I hope it helps you.

http://media.wix.com/ugd/0dd4a5_e934e7f92d104d31bcb334d6c6d63974.pdf

Be gentle and understanding of yourself, the same as you would a friend.  You need your own TLC right now.

  • Upvote 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Kayc,  Thank you so much, & God Bless you.  I know it will take time- but oh my God- all I can see is my beautiful cat.  My heart goes out to you with such an experience that you had with your sweet Fluffy. I don't know how you made it.  Thank you for the web site also I am going right now to the article. I know Marty & you are right It was an accident, I would never have hurt her or any Animal as far as that goes. It just really breaks my heart.  Again Thank You for your comforting words.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The way I see guilt is it has a purpose in calling our attention to something we need to make a change in, but beyond that if we hang onto it, it paralyzes us and holds us down.  It's important to learn to let it go.  While we may have regret for the resulting outcome we can let go of the guilt and embrace instead what we've learned from our experience.  Then we are free to hold onto what is good, our positive memories.

I don't know any way through grief but straight through it.  Distraction is temporary, we can't circumvent grief.  It helps to memorialize the one we lost, it validates their existence and our part in it comes into play.  May comfort be with you.

  • Upvote 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

When a guilt thought hits you, replace it with a memory of something good you did for and with her.  Keep trying that, hopefully those thoughts will begin to come more than the guilt feelins.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...