Jump to content
Grief Healing Discussion Groups

One Year Tomorrow - assorted ramblings


Recommended Posts

While I was outside in the garden yesterday  I thought I heard a Cat.....then I looked through the fence and saw newborn Fawn(still Wet), now that is"enjoying one moment at a time"......didn't have a Camera handy as it wobbled into the tall grass.....this picture is what it looked like..so small(less than a foot high) 

baby deer.jpg

  • Upvote 8
Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 6/4/2017 at 6:53 PM, iPraiseHim said:

Dr Lenera

You express well what many of us go through in the first year of grief and loss.  I initially, could not listen to music, watch shows, read, or do anything that reminded me of my beloved, Rose Anne. Gradually, I began to realize i could do those things that now bring me comfort and joy.  

The Kübler-Ross  "five stages of grief" was initially supposed to apply to a person who received a "terminal illness" diagnosis.  It was for THAT person to realize the stages of their own grief.  Somehow, over time, it has been misapplied to all of us who grieve.  

Your purpose is something that each of us learns how to incorporate into this "afterlife".  We are progressing even when we don't FEEL like we are.  Kudos and thanks for

sharing with all of us.  It helps in ways you may not ever be aware. 

Thank you! - Shalom

You know what, I didnt know that, so thanks for informing me!  It really has been misapplied hasn't it?

  • Upvote 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Kevin, thanks so much, that's a treasure!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Posted a picture on Facebook of Angela this morning, it's her Birthday tomorrow.....I noticed the jacket she was wearing is in the box I'm donating today.......Small smiley Grief burst , approaching two years.....

  • Upvote 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Kevin, it still hurts to see Billy's pictures, but I think that is sweet of you putting her picture up.  You can always go get the jacket out of the box, if you want to.  I have a lot of Billy's clothes hanging in between mine.  It has provided no magical fantastical illuminating moments, but they don't take up much room.  

  • Upvote 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Happy Birthday, Angela!  I feel like we know each other's spouses, we've heard so much about them, you get a feel for them.  George's birthday is Wednesday, he would have been 63 if he lived.  My dad would be 98 today had he lived.  They would have had their 65th anniversary today.  Poignant, these memories.

  • Upvote 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Mama would have been 96 on the 2nd and they would have been married 77 years on the 8th.  Daddy would have been 98.  I know people live that long and are only slightly disarrayed.  I can imagine Daddy would be deaf, or at least he would try to be, and Mama would still be talking constantly.  I was so mean I prayed once for God to not make her sick, but to please just make her mute for a little while.  I was a teenager.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

Dr L,

The 'One Year' topic goes along with my month of June. Not her death, Dana died in December and was found December 28. That is listed as the official date she died, but she probably passed Dec 17 or 18. The 'One Year' however for me refers to the fact that after we reconnected online and then by phone last May, she flew to North Carolina last June 14 and was here until June 24. We had a glorious time getting reacquainted, and she loved trekking around the area where she lived and earned her Masters 30+ years ago.

So memories of the one-year-ago visit were overlayered with the fact that June 28 marked 6 months since I learned she had died. Thus my own ramblings.

Of course I will never forget her, but I also wanted more concrete reminders of her, and I wanted to mark myself with the memories. So I have kept the beard I grew at her request. When I started it while she was here, she would rub her chin and cheeks back and forth against it, and make the most contented sighs I ever heard. It was the beard, of course, but for her it was also the fact that I willingly changed something only for her.

And then there are tattoos. She had two small tattoos, one her signature symbol, a DeltaD triangle set, which she had on her forearm, and a tiny dragon on her ankle. She asked me if I would get a tattoo and I said "absolutely not, that's just not me." 

So here:  DeltaD.png.1b60a784bfb496b2105cb27fd7366e0a.png  On my left forearm, her DeltaD. Had this done within a month of her dying. This is her signature symbol on her artwork.

I have also mentioned previously that she loved turtles and tortoises, probably a product of her Native American heritage. Lots of turtle and tort stuff in her house. So I found an illustration of a Texas Tortoise. So here:TXTort.png.2943660d6756b5397bbe69b273069942.png

It's on my right shoulder. I found the image online, bought a copy, and took to the tattoo artist. I had seen his stuff is good, so trusted him. And rightly so. I have to believe if she could see this she would squeeze me in a hug that would collapse my lungs!

Anyway, thanks to all you who listen. We share. Our pain, our sorrow, our scant but occasional snatches of happy. Now I am sharing my dedication. To her. Forever

DaveM

PS. Here is a watercolor of hers. You can see her DeltaD sig on it.

DDWatercolor.jpg.3e456954232392c4675bfa1d4963f4a8.jpg

  • Upvote 9
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Dave,

Thank you for sharing this with us.  I, too, got a tattoo with our symbol and his name in his signature below it...not a place I can show, it's private, but he knows it's there.

  • Upvote 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you, Kay, for sharing that you got a tattoo also. Many of my family and friends seem surprised and uncomfortable that I did this. The turtle won't show unless I take off my shirt, which won't happen unless I hit the beach. The DeltaD on my forearm is giving me trouble in that I get choked up whenever just about anyone mentions it. And I can't speak for a minute. I thought by now I would be able to just say, "That is a symbol of my love for Dana. I lost her in December." But I can hardly say anything, still.

When I thought about progression of grief in the beginning, I think I must've believed I would "get over it" as some urge us to do. Well, fancy that, no such thing. On the other hand, I would not give the tattoo up, either. I will just handle whatever I must. Cause that's what we all do, right?

  • Upvote 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Try not to be concerned with what others think about your tattoo, it's common to get one as a memorial of your love, showing you will never forget her and your love continues.  I think it's beautifully done.

  • Upvote 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't have a tattoo.  It is not because I don't believe in them, it is because I have freckles and I just did not want to confuse the artist with losing focus and trying to connect the dots.  

My son just got Thor's hammer on his neck.  He was in the submarines and as a navy man, he felt he should have lots of them.  As an artist, he loves them.  When he was treated for his hep-C, at the time he fit the criteria for all the things that could have given him the hep-C, right on down to the multiple blood transfusions.  

We were going to get tattoo rings for our 50th.  Instead bought new rings.  Billy's fell off his hand trying to work on the motor in the middle of the lake.  Mine is solitary now, so it sits in my jewelry box.  

I love tattoo's.  

  • Upvote 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...