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I can't be the strong one anymore


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Thank you all for your replies. 

Caleb was in the hospital a while.  He's doing better and will be staying with me because it's a better fit one on one emotionally after losing his brother.  Plus Katie is now on bed rest from now until her due date Oct 1.  

I'm trying very hard to go easy on myself regarding guilt about Mary's death.   Maybe this maybe that I'm trying not to do.  It's so hard.  

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Butch,

I'm so sorry to hear that Caleb has been ill. I'm sure he enjoys being with Grandpa and is a comfort to you. Is Gracie with you also? Young children are a handful, but what a blessing.

Karen

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What better company for a kid than Grandpa.  What better to bring smiles than grandchildren.  Thank you Butch.  Hope Caleb gets to feeling better fast, know it is hard with the depression he feels, that you all feel, but then there is Gracie, a smile every time I see her.   It is a long time till October.  Hope Katie feels much better.

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So glad to hear from you Butch.  I am glad things with the children are ok for you.  I don't/didn't know your wife but considering what a wonderful man you are she must be absolutely incredible.  I doubt that she would want you to be feeling any guilt.  I think she loves the great guy she married and the incredible Grandfather he has become.  You are an inspiration Butch.  Give yourself some credit for all you do and look for those peaceful moments.

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20 hours ago, R.Everit55 said:

I'm trying very hard to go easy on myself regarding guilt about Mary's death.   Maybe this maybe that I'm trying not to do.  It's so hard.  

My dear Butch,

You have not had time to grieve and learn about the grieving process the way we have.  Your life has been consumed by one tragedy after another, each one demanding your attention and enlarging your grief.  Is it any wonder you are feeling the guilt that comes with grief?  Pretty much all of us has felt that...the "what ifs", it is so common with grief.  Almost as if we are trying to rewrite the ending with a different outcome.  We wonder, "What if I had ____ instead of ____?  Fill in the blanks.  The truth is, the outcome would likely have been the same and if anyone should own some guilt, it is the medical personnel that misdiagnosed to start with.  We cannot be expected to know the diagnosis when we ourselves are not trained medical personnel, that is why we defer to doctors and their medical tests!  There is nothing in this world that you or I would not have done for Mary and George.  Nothing!  We would have given our very lives for them, and gladly so!  No, you are not at fault here.  I hope you will read these articles and take to heart what they are saying. 

http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2012/12/grief-and-burden-of-guilt.html 

http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2012/03/guilt-and-regret-in-grief.html 

http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2014/08/grief-understanding-process.html 

http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2011/04/what-is-complicated-grief.html 

Marty just posted in Articles under Tools for Healing a list of 55 ways to grieve https://grievewellblog.wordpress.com/2017/06/28/55-grief-coping-strategies/...it is not meant to be an exhaustive list, it is not meant to grade us, you might do all of the things on this list or none of them, but it is just there to offer suggestions you might not have thought of, also when we check off the list we can see just how much we have done to help us through our grief.  I saved the list to simplify finding it and will post it for you here. Credits can be found in the link above.
55 Strategies for Coping with Grief.docx

In addition, I've compiled my own list of Tips to Make Your Way Through Grief, linked here.

 

 

 

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