louie

How Can I help My Girlfriend who have just lost her mother

40 posts in this topic

Hang in there.  I know how hard this is on you, you are scared, I get that.  You are worried you are going to lose her.  While that remains a possibility, if you can step back and allow her her time to deal with her grief and be there on the sidelines should she need/want you, you have a better chance of not losing her.

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I'm trying my best not to contact her. Only just limit on usual greeting on her of good morning and good night. I tried to go to gym and work and take classes to take it off my mind.and always have the phone besides me in case she needs me. I just hope that she is ok and safe. 

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Help!!! I might lose her! She suddenly just texted me a while ago. here is how she texted me. "Louie, I'm sorry, We need to talk when I get home. I have something to tell you when I get back." I Really Don't know what to do!!! :( 

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I'm scared. I don't know what to do. I can't imagine of us breaking up. or am I assume on to things.

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There is nothing for you to do now, Louie, but wait until she comes home or until you hear from her again. Meanwhile, you might consider finding yourself a qualified in-person grief counselor with whom you can share your story. Regardless of how this situation turns out, you need and deserve someone you can lean on for the support and guidance you're so desperately needing ~ and now is the time to find it. 

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I just recieved a text. She told me we need to break up. She said she doesn't feels like it. That is all she wanted to say.

No matter how hard I tried she just leave. Without anything. Just because she doesn't feels like it? It felt like everything we promised, everything we had prepared all thrown away just because she doesn't feels like it. All feeling I had in for her crushed because she doesn't feels like it? Looking at her picture right now. looking back in few days I'm not sure if she really is grieving or just having fun. Greiving in a beach? No time to talk with me but have time to thank people who like her profile pic? 

Haaaaaaaaaay! I Really am right 3 years ago and since childhood I thought I need only myself and trust only to myself and believe only to myself. It looks like I'm right. I am 100% Right. No Family, No Friends No one I can rely on I just really don't care.  I'm just waaay too Foolish to think someone will have an impact in my life. Just when I thought I could finally have a dream to have a good warm family. Just thrown away because she doesn't feels like it. 

hay.... I Really Really just wanted to be loved to be felt the warm love. A warm feeling of a good family, friends to talk to or even just a loved one I can look forward and protect. I have just realize it is just a fantasy.Just a one man's foolish dream. 

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I Really Want to Hug her so tight. :(

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Louie,

This is classic, I'm so sorry.  It's like it's written in a script.  I know, they look like they're having fun, but in reality she is grieving, perhaps trying to drown it out, forget.  Remember when I told you they can still do their friends but not their relationships?  Friends don't feel like pressure, friends distract from the grief, friends can just "be there" with no demands.  I was engaged for a year until my fiance suddenly broke up with me...yep, grief of his mother.  He broke up with me by Fed Ex.  I got the "pkg" at work, 9:20 a.m.  They sent me away because I was crying.  How can you not cry when you get such news coldly and callously?  He was one of the most sensitive caring people, not a cold, callous person, it's grief.  They can't handle our feelings, or worry about making us happy, they are at their limit with their grief.

We had several months of no contact, then were able to resume as friends.  That's it.  It doesn't work to reconnect if one is still secretly hoping for more, it takes acceptance of things as they are and respect.  It takes valuing them as a person.  And for that it takes no contact to begin to heal...

I hope you can begin to work on building friendships and doing things for yourself that you need.  If you have any family a ways away, now is a good time to visit.  I've had many many losses in my life.  When my husband died, all of our friends disappeared overnight.  That's how it is sometimes.  I made a very close friend but then she moved to another state three years ago.  Right now I'm working on making new friends, it's slow but it takes effort, lots of effort.  I've joined several things small groups, I volunteer, am involved in my church, it all helps.  Any place you can meet and get to know people.  Invite someone out for a burger, get to know people with common interests.  Show interest in them, they'll show interest in you.

I know for a time all you will feel like doing is being alone and crying...but then begin to push past your comfort zone, keep at it.  We'll continue to be here for you.

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5 hours ago, louie said:

Haaaaaaaaaay! I Really am right 3 years ago and since childhood I thought I need only myself and trust only to myself and believe only to myself. It looks like I'm right. I am 100% Right. No Family, No Friends No one I can rely on I just really don't care.

41 years ago I was engaged...he broke up with me, no reason given, still don't know why.  Fast forward many years, we reconnected as acquaintances.  Today he is 74, never married, no children, he lives alone.  And he is very, very lonely.  He made life about his work, never giving of himself.  After he retired, he looked around and noticed how lonely he was.  Now he wishes he had someone to take care of him in his old age and grow old with.  (Don't look my way!!)  He is living the result of his choices.  You don't want to go down that path, trust me.  You may feel like that for a time, and I get it, but in time, work on developing friendships.  My best piece of advice.

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Thank You So Much Kayc. Your Word Means so Much to me. Yes I'm very scared being alone. Being alone for 24 years is so tough. having an abusive parents, having classmates scared at me because of my family. No friends to talk to. No family to lean on. I only have myself for 23 yrs. Work myself hard enough save money to become independent. For as long as remember I made my life dedicated to work. Drown Myself to work and sleep then wake up to work and school then work till midnight. I always wanted to have a good family to go home to.My only dream is just to have a home to go to. 3 yrs ago My life change when I met her. She is the only one who keeps talking to me without any favor or anything. Just plain talking. I remember our first conversation is she asking why I'm always working even in school. she told me just have some fun while we're still young. days past and we talked and let me played her games in facebook. It's first time having fun and I felt so warm being with her. Few months past and I went on graduate college while she still have one year left. In my last day in school I gave her a card I made for her telling what I feel. She told me she feels the same. I Remember each and every conversation we had. All the problems all the secret we shared. I have so much fun being with her. I then promised myself that My goal is to make her Happy and to protect her. I take my professional exam and work for a few months then I opened my own firm just to have more time for her. Then she graduated and we both work together and also have fun. Everything feels like a dream. I never expect to be this happy. We discuss our future together and promised ourself to work hard and in our 5th year together we'll get married. Having introduced by her parents I feel soo Happy. I never get a chance to see her father because he worked abroad. but for the first time I feel a Mother's Love.her mother always welcome me on their home. giving me foods and even more foods for take outs and invited me on their birthdays and even on my birthday. Everything Really Feels like a Dream. But It's just a dream. a dream that may never come true. Her Mother, the closest mother I had is not here anymore, and now My girlfriend broke up with me. And Now I'm back being alone, no one else to go to. I feel lost. I don't know where to go. I don't know what to do. What I'm going to do. Right now I'm Really lost. I'm back being alone.

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Thank You. I can breath a bit now that I have expressed it. I'll just wait for her to come back. she just texted me that we'll meet when she is back and she wants to say something  before we part ways.

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It feel so very very hard. everywhere I go I remember fully every thing we spend together. Even sleeping. at the office, at home and even going to eat everywhere I go. I feel like I need to accept that I really am alone. I'm even wish if only I'm the one and not her mother. I Really feel so alone. :(

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2 hours ago, kayc said:

Today he is 74, never married, no children, he lives alone.  And he is very, very lonely.  He made life about his work, never giving of himself.  After he retired, he looked around and noticed how lonely he was.  Now he wishes he had someone to take care of him in his old age and grow old with.

I Really don't want to be alone again. I don't want to get back where I started. I just want to feel at home.. :(

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19 hours ago, MartyT said:

Meanwhile, you might consider finding yourself a qualified in-person grief counselor with whom you can share your story. Regardless of how this situation turns out, you need and deserve someone you can lean on for the support and guidance you're so desperately needing ~ and now is the time to find it. 

This bears repeating, Louie. Please, please consider finding yourself a qualified counselor or therapist to guide you through this challenging time in your life. You are worth it, and you deserve it! 

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I agree.  That's the place to start.

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