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My poor Billy went from a warring family into an adult warring family with one child that had the personality of my mom, his mom, and his sister.  Basically, I am a coward, always have been.  My dad once threatened to whip me if I let this kid keep bullying me (a cousin) and his whipping was more threatening than the cousin, so I took care of it.  Then Billy protected me from them all.  But one time he told me "don't play fair, if it comes to a fist fight, pick up a stick and knock the _____ out of them."  Fights and fusses are something I hate.  All of the people that used to make confrontations are long gone.  My mama's family were "warring" people.  My dad's were non-confrontational.  I don't like confrontations.  My protector is gone, so I try to stay away from confrontations.  Sometimes, even with medication, that one person still wants to fuss.  I cannot do it any more.  Like Chief Joseph, "I will fight no more forever."  Sometimes I get a witchy backbone, but most times I am just jello.  When we first got married Billy said his whole name meant "mighty protector."  At home, if I heard something outside my dad would run around outside the house in his boxer shorts, holding a shotgun, winter or summer, just to make me feel safe.  After I got married and "heard something" then I told Billy and he said "well, go see what it is."  Damn, I sure miss that boy.  

Been watching "The Golden Girls" again.  My tales sound like Rose Nyland talking about growing up in St. Olaf.  Word salads.  "Shut-up Rose."  

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8 hours ago, Eagle-96 said:

To have that one person who is in your corner no matter what. That has your back until the end. It's the purest feeling in the world. To know that if everyone else on earth was against you, you would have that person there ready to do battle with you. Willing to die for you. I can't recall a better feeling. No matter how much I reflect on it, THAT is a feeling that surpasses all others. That is true love. I could always count on Lori. She would back my play no matter what and I would always do that for her. We both knew it without having to say a word. At one of the last family gatherings we had, Lori was speaking with my brother's wife about love and relationships. Lori told her, "We just get each other". I couldn't put it any better. We just got each other. I have nobody to lay my life down for and nobody who would do the same. To know that I'll never have that again is the hardest reality to accept.

Change the name to Susan & I wouldn't change another word. Looks like a lot of agreement on what is the worst loss. Some OK moments, but in between feel like no one, like a ghost.

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23 hours ago, Eagle-96 said:

To have that one person who is in your corner no matter what. That has your back until the end. It's the purest feeling in the world. To know that if everyone else on earth was against you, you would have that person there ready to do battle with you. Willing to die for you. I can't recall a better feeling. No matter how much I reflect on it, THAT is a feeling that surpasses all others. That is true love. I could always count on Lori. She would back my play no matter what and I would always do that for her. We both knew it without having to say a word. At one of the last family gatherings we had, Lori was speaking with my brother's wife about love and relationships. Lori told her, "We just get each other". I couldn't put it any better. We just got each other. I have nobody to lay my life down for and nobody who would do the same. To know that I'll never have that again is the hardest reality to accept.

And George is the ONLY one I ever had that with.  Out of six major relationships in my life, he alone was THE ONE.  Funny, I kept trying and trying to make other relationships work, but they didn't...then I met him.  We were a perfect fit from the word go!

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I love to read about the perfect fit relationships.  I think Billy and I were like a new pair of tight fitting shoes.  We did not get comfortable until we had walked a bunch of miles and we had the blisters to show for it.  It was strange though, no matter how much our life pinched, we still had our good times and as many chances as we had to throw those old shoes away, they became the only ones we could or would wear.  I think we were in Hot Springs about 20 years ago and he bought him two pair of the Rockport (I think) shoes.  He wore both pair, but would only wear the one pair for everyday wear, hiking, anywhere he wanted to be comfortable.  I think it strange now, I understand my anger at him when he held out his sweet hands to me.  I was never going to give him up.  Still can't.  

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A lot of women would not have enjoyed what I like but it was exactly what Susan liked. Amazing! Cruising on functional but no-frills boats. Sitting on the boat on a mooring ("Let's just be boat potatoes today") or on the beach for hours with no need for entertainment but the ocean, each other and a book or a crossword. Camping in the Caribbean and spending a day just walking around an island. Hating to shop, buying only what we need but really getting a thrill out of something simple that worked perfectly. Finding what we liked and doing it over and over again. Susan would say "?s hate change". Well I got change now! After 48 years of that perfect partnership and intense love I am really lost without it.

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39 minutes ago, TomPB said:

A lot of women would not have enjoyed what I like but it was exactly what Susan liked. Amazing! Cruising on functional but no-frills boats. Sitting on the boat on a mooring ("Let's just be boat potatoes today") or on the beach for hours with no need for entertainment but the ocean, each other and a book or a crossword. Camping in the Caribbean and spending a day just walking around an island. Hating to shop, buying only what we need but really getting a thrill out of something simple that worked perfectly. Finding what we liked and doing it over and over again. Susan would say "?s hate change". Well I got change now! After 48 years of that perfect partnership and intense love I am really lost without it.

Lori and I were the same. We just liked to do the same things. And an even happier thought for me are the things that I liked that Lori didn't particularly enjoy. But she did them anyway because they brought me joy. I really makes my heart swell to know that she loved me so much she would sacrifice her enjoyment just to make me happy. I would do the same for her.

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We liked the same things too.  I am a nose to the grindstone person and I NEED my spontaneous man, he brought FUN into my life!  My life can be dreary w/o him.  He'd get up and say, "Let's go to the coast today!"  His exuberance was contagious.  We both loved hiking, camping, taking drives, visiting friends, just kicking back watching a movie, and food...George LOVED food and was so easy to please!  Sigh...

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3 hours ago, kayc said:

We liked the same thing too.  I am a nose to the grindstone person and I NEED my spontaneous man, he brought FUN into my life!  My life can be dreary w/o him.  He'd get up and say, "Let's go to the coast today!"  His exuberance was contagious.  We both loved hiking, camping, taking drives, visiting friends, just kicking back watching a movie, and food...George LOVED food and was so easy to please!  Sigh...

I know a marriage takes work and really is a full-time job, but it is wonderful to read about the stories of the marriages that were easy. Easy in the sense that they didn't seem like work at all. Lori and I just fit. We just clicked. Sure we argued and had disagreements but her words to my SIL "We just get each other" should be on the coat of arms of our marriage. Loving Lori was simple, easy, effortless. I almost feel guilty when I see friends that have to fight tooth and nail to keep their marriages together when our marriage was a well oiled machine. It also brings back the reality that I lost a REALLY REALLY great thing.

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Since we were kids who had never been on our own, we had a good time learning what the other liked.  Our time together was spent learning new ways to fish, going in at halftime to ballgames, cause it was free,  watching Billy play soft/baseball in the summer,  we had no money but there was plenty to do.  Over 54 years  we evolved into one unit.  Now I am less.  I will be writing less until my puter gets fixed.  This is on my Kindle.

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I was asked a question the other day, if I was to partner up again, what kind of Lady would I be interested in......I  answered  with a Shrug and the usual I don't know...But as Sean sorta explained, it would be someone who had lots in common and not much "accommodating" would be required......I was one of the lucky ones also........Liked same Music, same Food,Outdoors, Travel and loved Family and Pets........it was perfect fit without trying.....

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This is the most dreaded topic that comes up to me some times.  I find it presumptuous and hurtful.  I would never bring at up to someone who lost thier partner.  If they brought it up, that would be different.  It's like asking someone with a dying pet if they are getting another while they are in pain and facing more.  I've already had to fend off a guy that assumed that my loneliness could be solved by doing the dating thing.  IF that ever happens, it will happen naturally thru shared interests, not the formal act of trying.  Basically, what Brad said.  

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I considered it a miracle to find someone that I clicked with so perfectly, I haven't run into anyone even close to being like him, I see no point in going through the hoops of looking.  Honestly, I can't imagine being so lucky twice in a lifetime, I felt it was meant to be.  I've had enough of the other kind of relationships, the ones where you try and try and can't make it work.

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2 hours ago, kayc said:

I considered it a miracle to find someone that I clicked with so perfectly, I haven't run into anyone even close to being like him, I see no point in going through the hoops of looking.  Honestly, I can't imagine being so lucky twice in a lifetime, I felt it was meant to be.  I've had enough of the other kind of relationships, the ones where you try and try and can't make it work.

I SO AGREE!!!!

Of course the future is unknown, but I too would be surprised if it happens again. I can't imagine that to be possible. Perhaps will be different. But never the same, and not even with the profound it has been. 

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11 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

This is the most dreaded topic that comes up to me some times.  I find it presumptuous and hurtful. 

Yes!

Last night I've been asked why I haven't visited my home town in the last couple of months, 
and if it was because I am dating someone. I was shocked at the question cause it caught me
unprepared. I tried to take it well, tried to think that they ment well, but these thoughts
navigate slower than my tongue, so I replied with: "that's not the reason, and if you want to know
further why you will hit a wall".

I'm tired to think what to say, what not to say. I've never been in such a tyring place in my life.

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I've read these posts and agree with all.  I can't imagine being struck by magic that good twice in a lifetime.  Of course, I would love it.  Like a lot of you, John and I just went together and it seemed so lucky...real magic.  We had our ups and downs, but always had such a close connection and the downs seemed to enrich our relationship, especially in the later years.  Plus, I just miss him so darn much.  It's been 2 years and I yearn for him terribly.  I have a "hiking buddy" who recently let me know he had feelings for me.  I should have been flattered and I admire his courage in even bringing it up, but I have to say that it depressed me and made me feel awful.  I just want a friend.  In no way do I want to date.  It made me realize how un-ready I am for that and makes me miss John all the more because I just want him back, our life back and don't want to be in this situation at all.  I know he isn't coming back, but my hope is to eventually be at peace with my life alone with just good friends and "hiking buddies" who just want someone to hike with and enjoy the company.  Anyway, I let him know how I felt and it made him feel bad.  Don't know; don't like this.  Cookie

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16 hours ago, Marg M said:

Since we were kids who had never been on our own, we had a good time learning what the other liked.  Our time together was spent learning new ways to fish, going in at halftime to ballgames, cause it was free,  watching Billy play soft/baseball in the summer,  we had no money but there was plenty to do.  Over 54 years  we evolved into one unit.  Now I am less.  I will be writing less until my puter gets fixed.  This is on my Kindle.

Fifty-four years is a long time...for me 47.  And, when you started out young and went all those years together, grew up together so to speak, how do you have another relationship that you can be content in?  What's wrong with your computer? 

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Marg,  too bad about computer , don't overspend on new computer...get best deal at Walmart, same for what we use them for........No one wants to replace our Spouses, because that can't be done......but some of us will move on if the Journey takes us there, Grief is forever. regardless......have good week end....Garden is exploding... 

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When I got my laptop my son (computer engineer among other things) recommended HP or Toshiba because they aren't as proprietary and they can be worked on.

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On 8/4/2017 at 10:32 AM, scba said:

Of course the future is unknown, but I too would be surprised if it happens again. I can't imagine that to be possible. Perhaps will be different. But never the same, and not even with the profound it has been. 

Tammy was my once in a lifetime love. Sure, one is a lonely number but I know moving forward it's about me living a life without a partner.

It's hard to find happiness in the present when you're missing the one person that put a smile on your face and made you feel like you belonged...

But, I'm still here and although my life will never be the same I do find the occasional feeling of hope.

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Cookie, you touched my heart.  I have friends I can talk to, but the romantic part of my heart left when Billy left.  Gotta remember my age, length of time we were together, and a few other TMI stuff, and my time has come and gone.  And I am knocking on wood.  I hope you can still be friends with the guy.  My heart is with you.  

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If a Dell made it through my boss' abuse, that says something for its longevity!  He used to open 50 applications and keep them running at once, and that on a laptop!  Still it continued to work, much to our IT department's amazement.

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