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MartyT

Older Cat Dies Following Rabies Vaccination

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MartyT   

The following is posted here at the request of one of our newest members, Broken heart and soul, who writes:

Dear Marty,

I typed the message below on the "Compose New" Form because I would like the other members to read about the dangers of the rabies shot; but I failed to type the correct word on the field "To", it always says "cannot receive messages". I tried to send it to you, Marty T Admin, but it shows the message "cannot receive messages" . . . So, if you would like, you please place my message so other people can read about the dangers of the rabies vaccine. I am giving up now. Thank you so much!!

With love and gratitude for all you are and for all you do!!

Monica

=======

Dear Fellow Members of this Fine and Wonderful Website,

First, I would like to say I am so sorry for the pain you are suffering for the loss of your Furry Baby. I know how it hurts.

I was looking for a grief counselor online and I was lucky enough to find this Beautiful Angel in the human form of a person - Marty Tousley. 

I was supposed to tell my story many days ago but I deal with migraines a lot, about 13 days a month and I get very dizzy and nauseated. But today I am feeling better, so I can type my message in order to share my story with you.

I would like to tell you guys about my horrible experience with a rabies shot I agreed to give My Precious Kitty.

I am living the darkest night of my soul and, although there is nothing to be done to fix it, I decided to share with you what I have done hoping that other people can learn from the biggest and most horrible mistake I have ever made.....so that it never, ever happens again.
I am done. Devastated.  Angry. Mad. I feel hate for myself and for a certain vet.

It is eating up, consuming my soul. We had a girl cat (about 13 or 14 years old),
she was partially Siamese, blue point. Precious, athletic, playful like a kitten, the light and joy of my life.  She is My Baby Peal, that is what I like to call her - My Baby Pearl. My husband adopted her when she was about 1 year old, he found her; that was in 2002. He always kept her inside, never went outside. When he took her to the vet for the first time back in 2002, he found out she was expecting babies. He kept one of her babies, a boy kitty-kitty, so they could make each other company.

I used to live in Brazil, but in 2008 I moved to the United States because I married my husband. I felt in love with her immediately, with all of them. I was happy because I had a Family - my four Little Balls of Fur, my husband and my stepson.

I think that around May of 2014 I found a lump in the center of her little body, around the middle of her little chest, between her little front arms.
I asked my husband to take her to the vet because I was very worried. He said no, he said he wanted to wait and monitor it, if it grows more, we take her.

He said we just can't take a pet to the vet only because they sneeze, vomit, meows a lot.... this way the vet will get richer and richer at our expenses.

He says that if any little thing happens to one of our cats, I want to schedule an appointment.  He says I am ridiculous. And he said that I wish we had a vet living in the basement, 24/7 in order to take care of our Babies. I said yes, because I want them to live a healthy, happy life!! Time went by and the lump grew. Just like my despair and fear.  I became even more desperate and he said that one day we all will die and she is 12 and had a good life. That hurt me a lot, I couldn't believe he said that (actually, knowing him, I could believe he said that). He always says that he buys them food and lets them live inside the house, so he does too much for them already and he says it is an absurd to spend money with vets for cats that were stray, he really thinks that he does enough. I don't agree. I told him that the very moment we adopt a little one and this little one being a cat or a dog becomes part of the family and deserves not only love and food, but medical treatment when needed, I tell him that we can't put a price tag on a life, they are precious living beings that deserve love, respect and care. Obviously, we have many disagreements on that topic. He didn't want to take her to the vet, but I begged him so much because I couldn't accept that, just like that, I want to do whatever it takes to find her treatment. At that time I didn't have a job, because he doesn't allow me to work outside of the house, but said he would allow me to work from home, if I found work from home. So, I fired up the computer, I started to look for a job I could do from home. I found one, applied, passed the tests and became an over-the-phone interpreter. I was born in Brazil and therefore, I speak Portuguese. So, I told him that all of our Babies's medical expenses would be on me because I got a job. And he agreed. So, we took her to this vet we found and he performed a needle test and he told us the lump needed to be removed. He performed the surgery and sent the lump to the Lab to be examined. Thank God, it was benign. So, she recovered well and I thanked God immensely for that. When I prayed for her, I asked God to take 10 years of my existence on this earth (or any years I have left, even if I only have ten years and one day, I would want God to give her ten of my years) and give it to her because
I want her to live....because I love her with all my heart and soul, she is my Little Life, My Little Love!! My prayers were answered, she had a successful surgery. I couldn't be happier and more grateful!

We also have a Calico (another kitty-kitty girl).
When I moved here from Brazil I brought with me my kitty-kitty girl, a Tortie.
We had four cats in total: 3 girls and one boy. The boy kitty is My Baby Pearl's son.

So, we took my cat from Brazil to an appointment with that vet because it had been eight years she hadn't had an appointment and she was meowing too much and loudly. He found some dental problems and she needed to have two teeth extracted. That same vet said she meowed that loud because she was in pain. We scheduled the surgery and, again, thank God, everything went well. He told us he was leaving the clinic and moving to Illinois and that his last day there would be on April 30th. So, we scheduled a check-up appointment for the other Baby who had the surgery in 2014 - My Baby Pearl - (to remove the lump from her little chest).  My husband and I took her and at that appointment, the vet said he was going to give her a rabies shot. My husband said that our cats stay inside, then rabies shot would not be necessary, but the vet said that it is the law in Indiana. He also said he would not denounce us for not vaccinating our cats, but said that if someone comes to our house and a cat scratches or bites them, the first thing they will ask us is if their shots are updated. I told them (my husband and the vet) I just want all of our Babies to be healthy, safe and sound and protected and if a rabies shot will make them healthy, please give her the shot. I told them that love, food, water and clean litter boxes I can give them, but I rely on the vets' knowledge to keep them healthy and if the rabies shot is something she needs, so please, let's give it to her. My husband said ok, then. So, the vet gave her the shot. I had no idea that I was, at that moment, killing our Little Daughter - My Baby Pearl. This is haunting me since April 30th, 2016. I don't have peace anymore, I am a murderer, my "yes" to the vaccine killed My Precious Beloved Daughter. I should have been sensible enough to communicate with her, to ask her at that moment if she wanted the rabies shot or not. But, unfortunately, all I did was believe in the vet, I trusted him completely. That was the worst mistake of my existence. Two weeks later, she started to meow loudly and straining to pee, lost her vitality. We took her back - now we were seen by another vet, because that one had already moved to Illinois - and she collected urine sample and said that there is a little bit of blood, but no stones. And she was going to send the urine sample to the Lab for more tests. So, she prescribed pain med and antibiotics for the inflammation. We followed the regimen. Unfortunately, My Baby Pearl didn't get better. She got worse, straining, meowing in pain. I started to google " my cat is straining to pee " and I found two websites, by holistic veterinarians, and one said: " When it comes to shots, less is more" and she said that the same vaccine they give a 12lb house cat, they give a 300 lb lion. She weighed only 6 pounds. And the other one said  (this one has 35 years of experience) and  he said: " I don't agree with vaccinating older cats and older dogs because one of the bad things that can happen is organ failure ".  So, this is proof that I, and only I, am the responsible for her death. I am devastated and destroyed. I just lost when I read that. At that moment, I learned that I am the responsible person for My Beloved and Precious Daughter's passing, because I told the vet and my husband that I can only give them love, food and water, but I need the vet's help to keep them healthy. I am so destroyed, I am a murderer. I was the one who was responsible for her life, for her well-being and I failed My Precious and Innocent Baby. She counted on me and I let her down. She loved me and I betrayed her trust and her love. Now I am paying the price for not having her by my side anymore and I also suffer because her son is sad because he misses her and I am the one who caused that - I hate myself, I am disgusted at myself. If I were brave enough I would drink bleach, but, on top of it all, I am a big coward. How can I live with this pain and weight and guilt in my heart and in my soul??? What have I done to My Daughter???? It kills me to know I caused her to feel fear, pain and ultimately, I am the responsible for her little life to end. What have I done???? How could I agree with the rabies shot if I have zero, zero, no knowledge of vaccinations??? I did not know anything about them - neither pros nor cons - and how could I have agreed with that??? This is killing me.

We went back to the clinic. Now another vet saw us, not the lady vet that prescribed the meds, but a different one. She took x-rays and ultrasound and showed us that her bladder was extremely swollen, the neck of the bladder and the kidney were swollen, because the urine was returning to the kidney. She said no surgery would hep her and she needed to be euthanized right now. I felt as if a knife had been placed in my heart, I was in total disbelief and my husband and I were devastated. She told us to spend some time with her and left the room. Very direct and business oriented, I couldn't believe it. We were there for about 5 minutes, I was crying and begging My Baby for her forgiveness and my husband was being strong  - he was very sad, but trying to console me, saying we had to let her go because she is in pain and suffering. So, on June 24, 2016, we put our Precious Little Girl (My Baby Pearl) to sleep. And I caused this, but all I wanted was for her to be protected by the vaccine, I didn't know it would cause her a mass in her little bladder. Up to this day, I can't believe any of this happened, all I wanted to do was to make sure she would have a healthy life, and I ended up killing My Child. It does not seem or feel real, I look for her in the house, we watched TV together, it seems I am inside a nightmare that I just can't wake up.

What is killing me inside is the fact that it didn't have to happen, she didn't have to take that shot - the rabies shot that I thought would be great to protect her - and now, because of me, she is gone. I can't live with myself anymore, the guilt is huge, the regret. I killed our Baby Pearl. I lost weight, I am not eating well, I drink coffee a lot and eat sliced bread, my guts are in bad shape, my hands shake and I start crying suddenly, I really don't know what to do. I know that there is nobody that can help me. I myself had to have a CT scan of the bladder and pelvis because I was also having trouble to urinate, I had to have a cystoscopy and also a root canal, after I killed My Precious Daughter many things happened to me and I had to see a urologist and had to have a root canal. Unfortunately, I know it is not possible to bring her back, but I can't live like this, knowing that if it was not for that shot I agreed on giving her, she would be here with us. My weight loss was in the first months because I couldn't eat well, now I am totally different - I put on 20 pounds and I drink coffee, coca-cola and eat bread and pasta. I deserve to die a horrible and slow death. I sped up to 105 miles, lost a hub cap, got scared because of the roundabout, so I reduced the speed to the speed limit, 40. I just wish I could end my life because it feels so sooooo very wrong that I am still here, breathing while she is not anymore.......and that is just because of me, I am the one who caused that horrible thing to her. It is not fair!!
It is so difficult to go on with this guilt eating up my heart and my soul. Everyday I wake up around 4am and cry until 6:30 am, when I manage to fall asleep again, and my chest, belly and face hurt because of the crying and my eyes burn...............I am really in hell for having killed My Beloved Daughter.

I ask her and her son to please forgive me - forgive me, My Precious and Beloved Baby Pearl, for the fact that mommy was the one who put an end to your beautiful and innocent life and I also ask her little son to forgive me for having done that and for causing his little heart to hurt so much for missing his Mommy. I don't know if these two Precious Babies can ever, ever forgive me, what I know is that I can't forgive myself, I hate and despise myself and my life, our lives changed forever since then. I feel I am falling in a well, a dark, cold and bottomless well.
It scares me not to know where she is. If she has reincarnated already. If she is in a good family, with loving and caring people. I don't know if she is in pain, I pray that she isn't. I always decorated the house for the seasons - Spring - I put some silk flowers (I can't have live flowers because My Babies like to eat them), so I put a vase of silk flowers and I tell her "Mommy is decorating our house for Spring!!). For Autumn, I put some fake pumpkins and a dancing scarecrow and I tell her this is our decoration for Autumn. Then, for Christmas, I put the Christmas tree in the living room and decorate it and some other decorations here and there and I tell her our home is ready to welcome Baby Jesus for Christmas. Now, I can't do any of these because I don't have the most Precious My Little Baby anymore. It hurts me to know I killed her. I am sooooo sad. It kills me the fact that I am a murderer. I never intended for that to happen. I didn't mean to kill My Little Life.  I have never killed a living being before and when I did, the victim was My Own Little Daughter. It is sooo sad.

When I find bugs in the house, I pick them up with paper towel and a plastic cup and take them out, I release them in the flowerbed. When I am driving and see a dead squirrel or chipmunk, or raccoon, or opossum, a bunny, I stop on the shoulder and I either put them on the grass (I don't like to see them on the asphalt) or I pick them up (put them in a supermarket bag), bring them home and put them in our backyard, by a tree and I cover them with leaves..........and say a little prayer for their little spirits.

I love Animals - all of them, domesticated and wild!!!! And I can't believe I murdered My Own Precious and Beloved Daughter!!
I not only killed her, I feel I destroyed her little son and myself. It is very sad. Her son is sad and he meows, crying for her. I bought Pet Bach Floral and sometimes I give him some drops, but I know nothing can make his little heart happy again and it is my fault. I am destroyed by guilt, pain and desperation. I hear him cry, sometimes he makes the saddest sound a cat can make - I tell my husband he is crying because he misses his mom and my husband calls me crazy, sick and says he had enough. So I cry in silence and I pet him and ask Jesus to bring some comfort to his little heart.

Please, never, never ever vaccinate an older cat or older dog, even if the vet pushes, even if he says it is the law. Do not fall for that because you may lose your Furry Baby and it is just not fair!! If they insist, please ask them to perform a test - there is a test that checks how much of the rabies vaccine is inside the animals' system (I'm sorry I don't recall the name, but veterinarians know), so please ask them to check that first - the rabies shot stay in the system for at least 8 years - they don't need to get vaccinated every year neither every three years. However, if brings profits to the clinics. And, unfortunately, I learned about that too late, also.

I thank you for your time and for reading my message.

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kayc   

Thank you for sharing this, Marty.  If I ever come back as a cat, I want this person to be my owner.  

I have grappled with getting shots for my Kitty.  She is 21 and never been to the vet.  She is healthy and happy and has lots of energy.  My neighbor has a cat rescue.  She said it's not good to give shots when they're older.  I met Kitty when she was ten and she came to live with me two years later.  She goes in and out in the daytime, but stays nearby, and I never let her outside at night when there are predators lurking.  It's a personal decision everyone must make, but having made it, should not beat themselves up for the "what ifs" that come haunting.  We do our best with our animals, we love them, care for them, as much as we'd like to, we can't always protect them from everything, nor will they live forever.  It's a hard realization that they too are mortal.  We do our best to keep them with us as long as we can and keep them happy and whole.

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Hello Kayc,

I am broken heart and soul, the person who wrote the message above about my awful decision to give My Baby Pearl the rabies vaccine. I would respectfully like to tell you that  the second sentence of your comment (" If I ever come back as a cat, I want this person to be my owner ") brought so much happiness to my heart and it kind of removed some weight off my soul because that decision I made sent me to a deep sad dark emotional place I am in ( because it led to the death of My Little Kitty Daughter that I love eternally) and I am feeling eternal guilt for having killed her, when the only thing I wanted was for her to be healthy; so, I want you to know that I am extremely grateful for your kindness towards me - you don't know, but I repeat your sentence many times a day - every day I read the wonderful words Marty writes to us all and, from now on, I am reading your sentence as well. So, I want you to know that I am very grateful for your comment to my message. 

Respectfully,

Broken heart and soul.

P.S.: I hope there is Heaven and Angels and I pray that they hold, keep and protect My Beloved and Precious Baby Pearl, since I can't anymore!

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kayc   

It is true, you are a very caring soul, I can tell, you have a heart for animals as I do.  You were trying to help her not hurt her. 

I hope you'll read these links as the people that wrote them really seem to understand what they're talking about and I've found it helpful. 

http://media.wix.com/ugd/0dd4a5_e934e7f92d104d31bcb334d6c6d63974.pdf 

http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml 

 

 

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Hello Kayc,

I thank you so very much for sharing these links with me - I'll definitely read them, again and again!! I need to read anything I can in order to find a reason to try to get some help.

I thank you for your kindness!!

broken heart and soul, destroyed soul

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Maylissa   

Dear Monica,

Firstly, I offer you my heartfelt condolences on the devastating and sudden loss of your beloved fur-daughter, Baby Pearl. You have my utmost sympathy, both in knowing how very many people and their furbabies this kind of thing happens to, and for sounding like such a kindred spirit in some very key ways. Your story breaks my heart, too, it got me crying as I read it and felt your anguish pouring through your words, and I can truly empathize on several levels.

I understand the high degree of responsibility you feel for your precious girl’s well-being and life, and I applaud that, more than you could know. But as tragic as Baby Pearl’s story is, I cannot see you as a “murderer,” even though I can certainly understand why and how you would feel that way. But to my mind and heart, such a harsh description doesn’t fit, because her death was not a premeditated action by you, nor was it your desire by any means! At worst, your unawareness about vaccines and their potential effects (which many people still don’t know anything about, decades after this controversy was revealed) may have indirectly contributed, but this was a mistake made innocently, not deliberately, with intent to harm. And if I read it right, it was actually your husband who agreed to the rabies shot, not you. (and btw, apparently there are some ways to get around state-mandated vaccine laws, that a Google search should reveal, and which arose later directly because of people’s concerns)

And I do not agree with your husband’s general perspectives, either, but with yours. I also admire your persistence and resourcefulness on both yours and your furbabies’ behalf. To have to fight for their basic healthcare needs, to me, is unconscionable.

Unfortunately, many, many other people have discovered the same,or similar tragic effects of vaccines, once it’s too late to go back and undo them. Although vaccines didn’t outright kill my own furchildren, they still had terrible, lasting effects which we then had to try and mitigate for the rest of their lives, and which also most likely contributed to at least my boy’s untimely death. In other words, their health declined in insidious ways after their LAST-EVER vaccination, when it was too late to completely undo the obvious damage done. Now I don’t buy into the whole vaccination myth (for any living being, except possibly in certain instances), having had my eyes and mind opened right up since.

Lessons like these are extremely hard to take. Had I known more sooner, my choices for their overall healthcare would have been vastly different. But I then did what I could with this new information — changing their vet to an integrative one (who taught me LOTS more) and in later years (for my girl, following her brother’s death) to also work in tandem with an internationally-known homeopathic vet, taking charge of their healthcare needs, changing up their diet, learning natural means of care and energy methods, asking numerous questions of their health providers before making decisions on their behalf, and much more.

It was a "Call To Evolve” for all our sakes, and I took it up with a driving passion. It became a large part of their Life Legacy. Yet without those tragedies and my resultant guilt and shame, I wouldn’t have taken the life-altering path I did. My undying love for my furchildren, and how they paid for my original (yet understandable/forgivable) ignorance, absolutely changed my whole life. I owe them everything good that’s come of it.   

Your own feelings of severe guilt and devastation prove your love for your girl, all by themselves. And your drive to warn others is both deserving of praise, as well as now becoming a part of Baby Pearl's own, loving legacy. I hope you can take some small comfort in knowing you are already making good use of your grief over her, and to the benefit of all.

I truly feel for you.

Maylissa

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Dear Maylissa,

Thank you so much for writing to me!! I apologize for not seeing your message before - you wrote to me on Monday and today is Thursday- I'm sorry for seeing it just now.. I have horrible migraines that last 4 to 5 days, but I have some intervals, some hours of some relief, and I have them a lot. But, what I mean to say is to thank you for your message and caring words; since the day I asked our Dear Marty to post my message for me because I was facing some difficulties to do that, I became so happy she posted it and I was crossing my fingers for you to read it because I have been reading your posts and I know how much you love Kitties as well, and now that you read it and sent me your thoughts, I am very, very thankful!!

I thank you for your sympathy and I am sorry you cried when you read about my story.

Yes, my Beloved Baby Pearl's passing was a horrible disaster and the worst mistake I have made and I know, I feel in each cell in my being it has changed me profoundly, for worse, now I am sad, I feel my heart has closed up, I feel a heaviness on my chest and it has a name - it is called guilt - and now I am scared, afraid and I became a robot, I'm functioning because I need to; but the Monica I was died on June 24th, 2016, with My Precious Baby Pearl! I feel I am hollow inside. Hollow, cold, empty....... I have never felt this way before, not even when I lost my Dad and my Grandma; (although I was really devastated), but this pain is different and I tried to understand why and I came to the conclusion that it is because when I lost my Dad and Grandma it was due to diseases they were battling, but My Daughter 's death is completely different because unfortunately what happened is that I am the reason why she is dead. I did not murder my Dad, neither my Grandma but, unfortunately, I murdered  My Daughter, who depended on me, it is so sad but I failed her. I am destroyed because I feel I betrayed her unconditional love and that is absolutely unforgivable. 

No, Maylissa, I am the one who agreed with the vet when he said she needed the rabies vaccine. I told them (my husband and the vet): "Love, water, food, attention, clean litter box I give them, but I count on the doctor's knowledge to help me keep them healthy; so, if you think that she needs the vaccine, ok, let's give it to her." I said that. And my husband just said: "Ok, fine."  I even told him that they are so adamant about vaccinations, I don't know, maybe there is a new study out there and they must encourage us all to vaccinate our Babies, maybe that is why they send me every other week reminder emails and postcards to remind me to bring them for vaccinations.  I had no idea I was doing the worst thing ever for My Child!  My husband never liked to vaccinate Cats because he said they are indoors, so they don't need vaccinations. But, privately, just between us, he says that it is ridiculous to spend money on strays. That breaks my heart.  And he said he had already done too much for them because he adopted them when my stepson found them, and if it was not for him, they would have been dead already. That breaks my heart, also.  He said that he bought them food for years and that should be enough. I don't agree with him - I tell him that they are My Children, and we adopted them, I opened not only the house door for them, but mainly the door to my heart and they deserve all the love, respect, care, treatment, everything they need!! He and I have different points of view.  He found My Baby Pearl in 2002, and I moved to St. Louis in 2008 and she had not been spayed.  Now we live in Indiana. So, in 2008, every now and then, she meowed and crawled on the floor and it looked very uncomfortable. I had never had a Cat before because my mother is a very bitter and unloving person with a very difficult attitude, who never allowed my brother and I to have any Pets. So, being idiot as I am, I did not know what that meow and crawling meant. When she did that, I always picked her up, cuddled her, told her I love her, put her close to my heart, as we do when we hold a human baby, and asked her Guardian Little Angel to protect her from whatever it was. That used to happen a few times a year and I did the same thing and, of course, begged him to take her to the vet. He always said no. I told him that her meowing and crawling was making me worried and asked how could it stop. Then he said: " ok, I'll tell you what is going on. But, how can you be so dumb for not knowing what is happening here???? She is in heat!!! You get it now???? If it bothers you, do what I've always done when I got home: turn on the tv or radio and make it loud!!!!!"  That broke my heart! How could he be so cold??? I became so sad and googled " Cat in heat " and I learned that it is better to have Cats and Dogs neutered and spayed in order to avoid cancer in their uterus. So, I begged and begged and nagged for us to take her to the vet.  He finally agreed because he said he was tired of my nagging. We took her to a nice vet in St. Louis. So, in November 2012, My Baby Pearl was spayed and she did great , no more meowing, no more crawling. I was a happy and relieved mom!  By the way, that vet also gave her the rabies shot - I only knew about it when I read the invoice, when I put it in my folder. I became surprised to find out this way, but, at that time, no red flags were on my mind. I was so happy for the fact that she had a great surgery and recovery that that was all I could think about.  On that paper it said that she would need to take it again in three years - 2015.  So, My Precious Baby Pearl was fine, her happy little self and I couldn't be happier to see her thriving!

Maylissa, I want you to understand why I thought vaccines were something good. When my brother and I kids, my mother did not let us to have a Pet for many years, but as he kept asking her so much and often, she ended up letting him have a Puppy.  So, he got his Puppy and we became very happy. Our neighbors had Dogs, as well. Back then, specially the way my mother is, talking an Animal to the doctor was considered extravagant; it was the late seventies in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil and my father was a simple hard working man who provided for us.  Things were kinda tight back then.  So, we couldn't be happier with the Puppy. Time went by and ,unfortunately , our Puppy got sick. He didn't want to eat or drink, he didn't even want to get up.  So, my father took him to the vet and he was diagnosed with distemper . The doctor said it had affected him neurologically and he also said he could have been saved if only he had been vaccinated. If he had been vaccinated, the vaccine would have protected him and the virus would not have affected the neurological system.  We were devastated. Our neighbors were better people and they had taken their Dogs to the vet to get vaccinated. The doctor said that it comes from the air and vaccines are the best protection. So, when the virus was flying in the air, our neighbors 's Puppies were protected. Unfortunately, our Puppy passed away.  That sentence the vet said : " Your Puppy could have been saved if he had been vaccinated " stayed with me and I promised myself when I grow up and have my own Furry Family I will give them all the care and treatment they need. I will make sure that they take their shots, just like a human mother does for her children. Ao that, Maylissa, was the worst mistake of my life. I killed My Precious Princess and my heart is destroyed because giving her the vaccine was what caused her passing. My conscience is accusing me of murder of my innocent child!!

My husband thinks that buying them food is enough. I thoroughly disagree. And that is why I found a job from home, because he doesn't allow me to work outside the house, can you believe this?? So, that is why I found a job as an over-the-phone interpreter in order to pay for My Baby Pearl 's surgery when I found a little lump between her little arms, in the middle of her little chest. So, she had her surgery to have it removed on October 23, 2014 and her surgery and her recovery were another success, just like her first surgery (spay surgery in St. Louis in 2012). Again, I was a happy and grateful mom. Since I started working, July 2014, I am responsible for their medical expenses and I am fine with that. Actually, I was, because now I am so scared of  vets and I don't trust them anymore, because I felt betrayed by that vet. I will never , ever take the other Babies to that clinic again! 

Also, I want to say that I am very,  very sorry because of the horrible and tragic side effects of the vaccines were the cause of your Precious Baby Boy's untimely passing. It is so sad and devastating. It is so so sad and it breaks my heart. How can vaccines hurt our  Babies when they are supposed to protect them???? There must e something extremely wrong in the universe!!!!!  I am like you now - I no longer believe in vaccination myth. Actually, now I do sincerely believe that vaccines are pure evil!!

Maylissa, I applaud you for all those changes you made for your Babies!! You take them to an integrative vet , this is so wonderful! You are a wonderful Mommy to your Babies! They are so lucky for having you as their Mommy!  I also changed their food to Blue Buffalo grain free, chicken flavor. They like it. 

I have learned my lesson about vaccinations. I hope one day to be as knowledgeable as you are , so that I don't ever kill any other innocent Little One!! 

My guilt is eternal - My Beloved Baby Pearl never, never, ever deserved this heinous fate that I gave her. I am suffering because of that. When I think and remember that I made her feel physical pain (to urinate) , I made her feel scared, confused (because she did not know why she couldn't urinate) and, ultimately, having her receive the euthanasia shot and never see her Precious Son Rocky again.........wow, these things haunt my soul and my conscience and I don't have peace of mind anymore. My pain, my sadness and my guilt are so strong that I feel as if a huge, heavy and black  blanket is placed on me and it covers me from head to toe and I feel this penetrating stabbing pain in my heart. But, to speak the truth, I do know I deserve it because I had the obligation to know, somehow, to protect her, I should have been able to " hear " her, I thought she was just not happy for being at the vet's office, she doesn't like to go to the vet, but now I know she was communicating to me that the vaccine would be something bad, but I failed to hear her; I should have been able to help her.  I deserve to feel this way until I physically die. Until this day comes, I'll tell everyone I can about the dangers of vaccinations to older Cats and Dogs!!

Maylissa, thank you for your time, for writing to me and for your  kindness. 

Maylissa, again, I want you to know I am so grateful for the fact that you sent me your message!! It means a lot to me!!

Monica 

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kayc   

Monica,

I hope you read the articles I posted for you above.  Guilt is a common grief response.  We think of what we could have done that might have had a different outcome, if only we had the advantage of hindsight beforehand...but we don't.  We do what we feel is best at the time and we're winging it, with the vet's recommendations.  After all, they went to school for this, we didn't, that's why we pay them to give us advice and help us with our "kids".  But there's the whole other side of the industry, the big bucks in vaccinations, they continue to push for them.  I've gotten my dog vaccinations, rabies is required, and I had a dog contract distemper when I was a child, he nearly died, so I get that, but if not for my friend in cat rescue, I would have actively pursued getting Kitty vaccinated...she's 21 and never had them.  I figure she's made it this far without them, but I had done all my previous cats, she came to me later in life.  One would not expect to lose their cat when they're doing what the doctor says to do, yet it happens.  It's the same reason I haven't had my dogs cysts removed, it would require putting him under, and that scares me.  If it was a life and death issue, I would have no choice but to go for it, but I hate to take that risk unnecessarily.  These are tough judgment calls that I don't think we can beat ourselves up over, we do our best to take care of our babies and hope for good outcome.  I'm so sorry yours turned out like it did, you could not have possibly known it would.  No, you do not deserve to feel this way until you die.  I hope you'll reconsider that and realize that your baby would forgive you and want you to forgive yourself. 

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Dear KayC,

I thank you so much for your wonderful message!! Yes, I read the articles you posted for me and I thank you so much for that, as well!!

I really wish I had known the truth about vaccines before!! And the greedy vets from that clinic make me sick!

I am so happy you have this friend from the Cat Rescue and she told you about the dangers of vaccinations!!! So, please, it is better, prudent not to vaccinate your Kitty - she is 21 years old and we don't want to take any risks!!!! She is fine and healthy - and that is the way it should be!! And about your Dog, I agree it is better not to have his cyst removed, either!! KayC, after my traumatic experience, the truth is I am scared of vets - now I don't believe they have our Babies ' best interest in mind - the only thing they have in mind is profit!! And that is a shame!!

Also, thank you for saying I don't deserve to feel this way until I die!! I do hope My Baby Pearl could forgive me - I have to be sincere with you and tell you that I do not know if one day I will be able to forgive myself. I feel huge guilt, and I hope My Baby Pearl is not in pain anymore!!

I will read the articles again!!

I thank you so much for your message and support!!

Many hugs and belly rubs to Kitty and your Puppy!!

Have a wonderful day,

Monica

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MartyT   
3 hours ago, Broken heart and soul said:

the truth is I am scared of vets - now I don't believe they have our Babies ' best interest in mind - the only thing they have in mind is profit!! And that is a shame!!

Monica, my dear, while I understand completely why you feel this way, given your tragic experience with the vet who vaccinated your precious Baby Pearl, I don't think it's fair to paint all vets with the same broad brush. In my years of working with bereaved animal lovers, I have known and worked with many dedicated, compassionate and highly skilled veterinarians, and they really don't deserve to be lumped in with the bad ones who are out there. To be sure, there are some who represent the worst in the field, just as there are in any other profession ~ and just as we would do when selecting a physician for a human family member, we are wise to investigate and do some research before we entrust a vet with caring for our precious animals. (See, for example, Choosing the Right Veterinarian for Your Pet.) 

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Dear Marty,

You are absolutely right and I feel ashamed of my comment above. It was unfair with all the good, caring and professional vets out there. I am sad with that one vet and I made that comment above, which was not right, neither fair with the nice vets. I apologize for that, Marty. And I thank you for your wise words and for pointing out that there really are good vets out there.  Also, thank you for sending me the article "Choosing The Right Veterinarian For Your Pet".

Dear Marty, thank you again for all the wonderful things you do for us!!

Love, admiration and gratitude,

Monica

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kayc   

I agree with Marty, and even though I've had some horrid experiences with vets, one of them recently, there are others that are kind and caring...and knowledgeable.  If you see red flags, try another one, ask around.  I found such a vet and aim to stick with her.  Watch the interaction with your pet.  She got down on the floor with my super-sized dog and let him sniff her, then offered him a treat, and a belly rub!  His old vet never would have done that, they always looked down on him because of his anxiety, yet they were the cause of most of it!

I have always gotten my pets vaccinated when they were young, but I got Kitty as an older cat and it scares me because I don't know if she could tolerate it being as she's never had one before.  At this age I'm not going to push it.  I also hesitate to put a large older dog "under", I've heard of too many that didn't come out of it.  He's able to live with his cyst, it's more of an annoyance than an encumbrance, but I also have friends that had their puppy's cyst removed, it was cancer, it spread, and chemo did not save his life.  

You did what you thought was best at the time, the same any of us do.  You really have nothing to feel guilty about but I also realize I can't talk you out of it.  I would recommend writing a letter to your cat telling how you feel and asking forgiveness.  I think it is yours already.

 

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Dear Kayc,

It is so nice you found this nice lady vet - I loved to hear that she sat down on the floor and was petting your big Dog - awwww, that is soooo wonderful!!!! So, please, let her be your Babies's vet - they deserve someone like her to take care of any medical need. She is knowledgeable and has a great heart for Furry Babies!!

You are right - I, after what I went through with My Beloved Daughter Baby Pearl, I think you should NOT vaccinate your Precious Kitty - you are absolutely right she has never seen a vet before and she is doing great, healthy, so, let's keep her this way!!!!!! She doesn't need anything - except the love and attention and food that you give her!!!! In sports, there is a saying that goes something like this: "If a team is winning, do not substitute any players. Let the players alone!". So, she is better off without anything in her body!!! How I wish - with all my heart and with all my soul, which are both shattered in a million pieces - I had known that before!!

I also agree with you when you say you hesitate to put an older dog under anesthesia - of course, there are many risks at an older age. You are right in both cases!!!!! So, again, " If a team is winning, do not substitute any players. Let the players alone!", because we don't know what can happen if we change a perfect situation (even if we have good intentions, the worst can happen and I don't want anybody to feel what I am feeling), so it is better not to do anything.

I know (intellectually speaking) I know with my mind I thought I was doing the right thing when I agreed with the rabies shot, the vet said she had to take it and it is the law in Indiana and all, but it is my heart, my soul and my consciousness that tell me I am a disgusting murderer who killed her own Little Daughter who loved me soooo much and depended on me, if only I had not taken her to that appointment....uffffff, it is hard and so sad to continue breathing with all this heaviness in my heart.........I feel as if a giant, black, heavy, thick blanket covers me from head to toe and inside it all there is is pain and guilt and sadness.

I am writing her a letter and apologizing to her for what I have done. I should have been able to "listen" to her because she did not have a happy face at that appointment, in other words, she did not want to take the shot, she was looking at me very seriously and I failed to interpret her message to me; I should have told the vet that I was not going to agree with the shot, but I didn't. I even told my husband: "Oh, look, My Love, look at our Baby's face - she doesn't want to take the shot, but, My Sweetie, it is something good to protect you and Rocky, Bubbles and Spotty will take it, too, because the doctor said it is important so you guys will be protected; it will not hurt, it is just a little pinch and you will not feel pain". I should have suffered a heart attack right there when I opened my mouth to say those words to her. But, no, I am still existing (not living) and My Little Baby is gone. I am so destroyed.

Thank you, Kayc, for saying you think I deserve forgiveness.

I wish you a great day and thank you so very much for your messages.

Monica

 

 

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kayc   

I had a vet once tell me they knew of a holistic way to get rid of Arlie's cyst on his foot (upper) but she couldn't treat him that way or tell me what to get because she worked for a big chain that wouldn't allow her to treat that way.  !!!  To think he could be rid of this annoyance but no!  I don't understand vets.  The other vets he's had up until now did not seem to understand animal behavior/language, nor care!

You DO deserve forgiveness.  If I was an animal I would want someone caring like you for a Mommy.  This is not your fault, this is on the vet, I'm sorry!

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Maylissa   

Hi Monica,

Just popping in quickly to say I simply haven't had time yet to finish (yes, I did start, though!) my response back to you, but am still thinking of you and all that's been said here on your thread! I'll try my best to reply when I can, but with summer holidays starting imminently, can't promise exactly when that may be. In short though, I think you're doing quite well in already growing from your devastating experience...and I also agree with pretty much everything that Kay has already shared. Hang in there as best you can!

Oh, and if you're interested, this is our (previous) homeopathic vet's book (Dr. Don Hamilton DVM), now revised/updated. Don was a fantastic "distance" vet for me and my girl and I can't recommend him enough! There is much vital information in it on vaccinations as well (see Chapter 16 under the "Look Inside" button), and I'd encourage you to read it if at all possible:

https://www.amazon.ca/Homeopathic-Care-Cats-Dogs-Revised/dp/1556439350

Don is no longer living in Mexico however, last I heard. But again, last I knew, he is still practicing and doing consults/care via phone or Skype. His fees have risen a fair bit since I used him, though, so may be out of reach for many.

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Dear Kayc,

Oh no!!! Can you believe it?? It's so mean that that vet knew of a holistic way to treat Arlie's cyst but she did nothing.......because she worked for a big chain. It is so sad because we - as Furry Babies's Parents - want the very best for them and we need vets who want that, too, but, quite often we end up going to a vet (that we got a referral from someone) who has a total different agenda. I agree with you - I don't understand vets, either.  Also, it is so essential that vets care and understand Animal behavior - because our Babies do not use the same oral language we do, but they do communicate and I think all vets should learn their language!! I wish all vets were like Dr. Doolittle (that vet on the movies that can talk to Animals! In my utopic world all vets speak and listen to Animals!).

It means sooo much to me to read that I do deserve forgiveness. Some days are harder for me......I cry more and feel worse, sad and destroyed thinking about My Baby Pearl, soooo Precious, so innocent........I miss her more than anyone........I think she could be here, playing in the house, in her favorite places where she likes to sit and nap....but I took that from her...........that is soooo sad.

Also, I thank you immensely for saying that if you were an Animal you would want someone caring like me to be your Mommy.......that makes me feel better.......because the truth is I do love Animals, with all my heart and soul, and I believe they deserve the very best from us - unconditional love, respect, attention, proper care, food, clean bowl of water every day, clean litter boxes 3, 4 times a day, playtime, naptime, attention and love galore!!!!

Thank you again, Kayc, for taking the time to write to me..............please know that your help is really important and essential to me. I appreciate you!!

I wish you a wonderful day and please give Arlie and Kitty many kisses from me and belly rubs, as well!!

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Dear Maylissa,

I want to thank you so much for the fact that you are preparing a response for me - thank you kindly!! But do not worry, do not rush, please know that anytime, any day, whenever you send it, either in Fall or Winter, it will be well received and extremely appreciated - please enjoy the summer holidays!!

Yes, Kayc has been writing some wonderful things to me -  she (and you and Marty) have been helping me get up and glue my pieces back together...........and I will never be able to thank the three of you enough!!

Thank you for sharing the information about Dr. Don Hamilton!! I will read his book!! Thank you for that!!!

I thank you so much for the fact that you think about me!!

I wish you a wonderful summer!!

Monica

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kayc   

Two days ago I thought I was losing Kitty, she was lethargic and wouldn't eat, didn't want to go outside, not herself at all.  She'd been fine the day before.  Two days later she is bossing me around and doing well, so I guess she just had a bug.  It's the third time in the last years she's scared me like this!  But at her age I guess she's entitled to a down day now and then.

I do understand your feelings about Pearl, I'm sorry for the outcome, I know each and every loss I've had has been very hard to go through. :(

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Dear Kayc,

Oh no, I imagine how scared you must have been, I would be so scared too. But I think that Precious Kitty was lethargic because of the heat, it is summer and I think she wanted to stay inside the house, where it is cooler than outside. I am so happy to hear she is fine, again!

Does she go outside every day? Are you always with her, protecting her from any danger, when she goes outside?

I think she was acting like that because of the weather - it is better to be inside in the shade and cool!!

Thank you for understanding how I feel about My Baby Pearl - I feel I am a disgusting murderer. I will die with this pain and hole in my heart. Speaking about heart, I do think it is really possible that a heart breaks, I mean, since I killed My Beloved Daughter, I do feel some weird things inside my chest, I suppose it is guilt eating and destroying my heart.

Monica, a destroyed and unhappy soul

 

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kayc   

Kitty isn't bothered by the heat, she seems to like it, and my house is hot too (no A/C).  Yes she goes outside every day.  She stays close to the house, she's been doing this all her life.  No, something was definitely wrong with her, this has happened three times in the last year, and in different seasons.

Grief can affect you physically, so it's good to talk to your doctor if you have any physical symptoms.
http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2013/03/physical-reactions-to-loss.html

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Dear Kayc,

It's good to know the heat doesn't bother Kitty!! And although I can't imagine what could have made her feel different that day - I thought it was the warm weather - but it wasn't;  but I must say I'm happy she is fine again and I imagine she is enjoying her time outside, watching the birds and Nature in general!!  Please, Kayc, tell Kitty I say =^*= meow, meow =^*^= to her!!

Also, thank you kindly for the link you sent me about the physical reactions to loss!!

I wish you a wonderful day!!

monica, aka broken 

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Kacy   

Monica,

I'm so sorry for the loss of your little girl, Pearl.  Many of us have put our trust in a vet only to find that our trust was misplaced.  I don't think all vets are bad, but IMO, many, many are. 

I wanted to share with you and everyone here a link to a wonderful vet who is standing up to the rest of the veterinary community and speaking out about the unnecessary over-vaccination of our pets.  He does believe in vaccinating animals - just not in over-vaccinating them.  At one time, he worked for a large vet office where he began to see the effects of the vaccines on the dogs and cats.  What most of us don't realize is that the size of the pet doesn't matter as far as the amount of the rabies vaccine they receive.  So, a 10 lb chihuahua receives the same dose as a 110 Great Dane!  Dr. Robb began to lower the dose for the smaller pets, but when the company he worked for found out, he was fired.

Now, he is on a mission to stand up for our pets and go against the tradition of vaccinating every year or even every 3 years.  He recommends that before a pet is vaccinated, they are titered to check to see if they are still protected from the last vaccination.  It is a simple blood test.

Here is a link to his FB page.  There is a video recently released that is on the FB page.  I just started watching it, but wanted to pass along the link:

https://www.facebook.com/DRRobbPTP/?pnref=story

I hope everyone will take the time to watch the video.  Dr. Robb is very determined to protect our pets!

Mary

 

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Dear Kacy,

Thank you so much for your message!!

I wish every single vet was like Dr. Robb!!

I have learned the dangers of over-vaccinations way too late to save My Baby Pearl, and because of that, I am living with the guilt of being the one who killed My Precious Baby Pearl.

I will watch the video, thank you!

What have I done???? Why did I agree with the vet when he said My Baby had to take the rabies shot???? Why did I trust him???? I simply hate myself!!!

Thank you again for your message!!

I wish you a great day!!

monica, broken

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MartyT   

Monica, my dear, I wish I could persuade you to take all that anger and guilt you're directing at yourself and place it somewhere else where it really could do some good. For example, animal lovers need to be better educated about this issue of over-vaccinating our pets. What could you do to help make that happen? Even by sharing your story here with us, you are actively engaged in informing and educating the public. I wonder what would happen if you could find a way to help spread the word to a larger audience? Wouldn't that be a marvelous way to honor your Baby Pearl's memory ~ and to make your tragic experience count for something more? Something to think about . . .   

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