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Hysterical Crying Remedies Question

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Yesterday was one of those hysterical crying days. The days you’re scared for yourself (especially since you live alone). The extreme agony of hysterical crying when you don’t know how you’ll survive to the next moment. And no one is there; you have absolutely no idea what to do with yourself. In the first few months, I would call someone, preferably my sister, and go on hysterically crying and wailing until it was over. But yesterday I found that I couldn’t pick up the phone. Finally I decided to try my friend who lives within walking distance. But she didn’t answer her phone. So for the very first time during one of these “episodes,” I put myself in the car and drove to the gym for a yoga class. I would have NEVER EVER gone out in public like this before but yesterday I was at crisis level. I walked into the gym with a huge red puffy face; I didn’t even care. I focused extra hard during that class; I figured if I tried hard enough to get to that “other plane,” I might find Josh there. And that’s what I needed, to have Josh tell me everything would be okay. After the class, I was much calmer but still went home a cried a bunch more. I just wonder if this was okay. I mean, I usually talk through what’s bothering me. But yesterday was the first time I didn’t talk through what was bothering me with someone. Is this a good thing that I can “handle” it on my own? Or is this a bad thing? I don’t know…

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Kellymarie,

I would say that what you did was not only ok, but a huge step forward. And, it's funny, but when you said that it was the first time you didn't talk through what was bothering you with someone, I immediately thought, you did "talk" it through with someone...you. I have found that sometimes when I just have to think something out, I do it better alone, in my head. I think, maybe, that's what you did. And I think that's great.

Hugs,

Shell

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Thanks so much, Shell. ^_^ Sometimes we really do just need to hear that we're doing okay. There's just not much positive feedback these days. And I hadn't thought about it that way at all. It just seems that as time passes, I have one person fewer here and there that is still willing to listen. Slowly, it seems, I "cross" another person off the list of people I can call who will let me talk about Josh. I guess it could be my misperception but when I do bring up things about Josh with my friends, I usually just get silence. It seems no one my age has any concept of grief or a grieving person. Thank goodness for all of them, they have not experienced such a loss. But it is very isolating. I just wish they would respond with anything... not just silence or changing the subject. It's not even like I'm bringing up something horrible or unnatural. If we go somewhere, and I mention "oh, Josh and I went here when...," I just wish they wouldn't get silent. Heck, they all knew Josh. It's not like I'm talking crazy talk. I just don't get it. Maybe they do think I'm talking crazy talk? The only person I can always call and talk to about Josh is his mom. What a wonderful person she is; she always makes me feel better no matter what. I just don't want to call her during hysterical mode and make her cry too. She has enough crying on her own! So, I guess I should look at it from your perspective; I'm talking through it to myself. It's hard; I'm just so chatty!

I also really wanted to echo what Paul and Haley said on another post. Thank you so much for how open and welcoming you are to everyone on this site. So many times I see you reach out to someone, welcome them, and give them a hug. You always find such thoughtful words for everyone. You are like the warm welcoming hugger; it's so wonderful! We are all so lucky to have you here to make us feel welcomed into our warm little community of understanding. You are such a huge part of that!

Hugs, :D

Kelly

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Kelly,

Gosh, thank you so much. I'm blushing from all these compliments, but they are greatly appreciated.

Oh, boy, do I know what you are going through. I have my mom and brother to talk about my dad with, so that is wonderful. But I had a boyfriend (the love of my life, actually) that died years ago, but I never had anyone to talk to about him. After my dad died, it brought back his death very strongly to me and I contacted his brother (who I was friends with, but just recently found out where he was) but he didn't really want to talk about him either. I'm afraid I brought up painful memories for him and that made me feel terrible, but I just wish there was someone who knew him too that I could talk with.

As far as people getting silent when you bring up Josh, I guess they just don't know what to say or are afraid if they talk about him too they will upset you. Or, I hate to say this, but some people just don't want to face anything "unpleasant" and since they haven't experienced the same grief, they don't want to think about it. I don't know, I've had all kinds of responses and most of them aren't good. I guess people are just clueless! That's what directed us all to this wonderful site. Please, is you want to talk about Josh here, do so. I know it's not the same as with people who knew him, but I find it touching to hear stories about loved ones.

Keep talking to yourself too. You'll be amazed at what good company you are!

Hugs,

Shell

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I'm not really trying to be funny here, but it'll sound that way: I find that I'm talking to myself a lot since Mom died. Most of the time I do check to see if anyone is around, but since I live and work alone (temporarily in a Church -working, that is) witnesses are rarely the problem. If I'm in the car, people just think I'm singing. Emoting helps to keep things from being bottled up.

And I nominate shell to be the Official Grief Healing Dot Com's Greeter and Hugger!

MartyT: is the job open?

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Paul, What a great idea! "Official Grief Healing Dot Com's Greeter and Hugger"

:D hugs <<<<<<<<<<<<<shell>>>>>>>>>>>>> :D

Shell and Paul, Well, it sounds like I need to do more exploring of this talking to myself. I have been talking to Josh (in my mind), and today I started talking out loud to Josh (I live alone; only my fishy responds!). So maybe next I will try this talking things out with my best listener, me. I can't get away! I have to listen!

Today, one of my friends invited himself over to cook me dinner. (A long time friend from college) Well, when I brought up stuff about Josh, he actually let me talk about it. This is certainly a change from how I've been feeling the last month or so. Very relieving. I relish these moments. This will be a tough weekend for me; last year Josh and I were setting up his apartment less than a mile from where I live now. I drive by his street almost everyday. The name of his street was High Point. Sometimes it strikes me as so ironic. High Point. Was it the High Point in his life? The High Point in my life? The High Point in our lives together?

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Official Greeter and Hugger.....I like that! I thank you all for the kind words, but to be honest, I get as much out of it as you say you do! If I happen to help someone or make them feel better, it is truly a wonderful thing for me and makes me happy. It makes me feel I have given back what others gave to me on this site.

Kelly,

That is great that you finally had someone who didn't mind you talking about Josh! What a wonderful evening.

Paul,

I not only talk to myself, but answer myself too. And if I sneeze, I say "Bless you" and then say "thank you!". Do ya think I'm getting a little batty?

Hugs to you both,

Shell

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kelly:

I AVOID driving by my Mom's house, which is sorta difficult as its 1 block in from Main Street, and near an intersection, so I can still see it from a block away. I try driving down other main drags thru town but I sometimes forget as its tough to change 20+ years of driving habits.

What the new owners are doing annoys me.

shell:

Answering yourself does not make you batty. Unless the answers make little sense? :lol:

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Well, of course, I always think I make sense! I guess if I start arguing with myself , that's batty! Uh-oh, I do argue with myself, but it's usually like "You shouldn't have that third cookie. Why not? I don't need it! You feel cruddy, of course you need it! OK!!!!!"

Shell

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Shell, Thanks for the giggle. My conversations go like this, "You had a bad day? Yes. You just want to eat chocolate ice cream for dinner? Yes. Okay, no problem, dig in!" But seriously, thanks both of you for your input. Just over the last week I have gotten more independent in dealing with my issues. I sort of realized that I'm the only one who can really solve my own issues. Others can be a good sounding board but ultimately I have to make the final resolutions with unresolved issues with Josh and how I'm working through the grief process. In a spirit of independence (hmmm... how appropriate since it's the 4th of July weekend. hadn't thought of that!!), yesterday, I decided to go to the botanical gardens by myself. I'm not usually that good about doing things like that on my own. But for some reason, out of the blue, I decided to take myself. In the back of my mind, I was hoping to find Josh there among the flowers. And, I did! In the orchid exhibit, there was an entire wall of white (with a touch of yellow) orchids identical to the orchid Josh gave me for my birthday last year! I literally gasped when I walked around the corner and saw the orchids. Then, in the gift shop, there were photos taken by a photographer in black and white of these orchids, and Josh and I both love black and white photography. It ended up being a perfect trip!

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Paul, I drive by Josh's street all the time... but not because I want to! For me it's impossible to head South from where I live without driving by. His steet is a dead end street (sometimes seeing the "DEAD END" sign when I pass his street freaks me out. He lived on High Point which lead to a Dead End) Okay, enough of my craziness.

post-1441-1151851404_thumb.jpg

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Kellymarie,

Wow, isn't that wonderful when you get "signs" of someone? I think you are doing so well, being independent (yeah, funny timing!) and going places by yourself, and having it turn out good. As much as I love sharing my feelings with those closest to me and having their help, sometimes being alone is best. I can just be me and think about it all. Keep up the good work!

Hugs,

Shell

Chocolate ice cream for dinner.....good idea!

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To all:

I went through something this weekend that was so heart breaking to me.

I was on my way to eat lunch with Billy (my boyfriend I think anyway) and his friend and we were on our way and we stopped at a store so they could get something to drink (beer)and they went into the store I picked up my phone and went to call my MOM......Well the last time I thought Heaven does not take phone calls huh now what I have lost my mind and my heart is crying none stop so now what how doI handle this what do I do. Please someone give me some sort of advice and let me know that I am not going nuts.

Haley

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Haley,

It's funny you should bring this up right now. Just yesterday my mom and brother and I were all talking about how we still think, "I'll go ask Dad" or "I'll have to tell him about that" and then realize he isn't here to ask or tell. It's been a year and about four months since he died and we are still doing that. So, YOU ARE NOT GOING NUTS!!!!!!!!! We were also talking about how we just still can't believe he's not here. It's normal, so don't worry about it.

Hugs,

Shell

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