kayc Posted July 3, 2009 Report Share Posted July 3, 2009 It's been a long road...loss through death, loss through divorce...loss, loss, and more loss. This past year has been one of the most painful years in my life, but then, I've had many painful times in my life. But it has also been a year of learning and growing and change. I got 10 CDs of Christian Carter's interviews with Dating and Relationship Experts and I listened to them, again and again and again. I wanted to learn what I should have known years ago, and it gave me some things to really think about...the observing eye, not giving too much, requiring someone else to be mature, showing respect to myself, valuing myself, etc. Way too much to list here and it was all good!Recently I met someone, a Christian, a very sweet man with a really great heart. We haven't made any commitments, we're taking our time, watching and learning about each other, but enjoying this immensely. And who knows? One thing I do know, I am okay, just me, all by myself, with or without anyone. It would be nice someday to share my life with someone...if they were the right one, definitely not if they aren't. And if that doesn't happen, that's okay too. Life is good, it has so much to offer. And I (hopefully) have years left ahead of me...years in which I can someday put together a scrapbook for my kids, someday get to enjoy grandchildren, someday weed my yard, someday learn to play golf, someday ride a Harley again, someday go camping again...in other words, there are things I'd like to do yet, I'm not "done" yet...only God knows when I am and will call me home when He's ready. And maybe someday, before then, I can experience true and requited love, such as I once was fortunate enough to experience. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted July 4, 2009 Report Share Posted July 4, 2009 Oh Kay, bless your sweet and caring heart . NO one deserves good things in life more than you do, and we're all SO pulling for you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Mayhew Posted July 4, 2009 Report Share Posted July 4, 2009 Kay, I found myself nodding in agreement whilst reading Marty's reply. I wish you happiness ... you so deserve it after everything that you have endured. And I am totally in awe of the fact that you can actually ride a Harley. I don't think I could even ride a bike these days!My fingers are crossed for you. Surely the amount of good that you do, the amount that you help me, others, and things that we on this forum will not even be aware of ... karma has to sit up and notice and start "paying you back" ... it's only fair!Here's to you :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laurieb Posted July 4, 2009 Report Share Posted July 4, 2009 Kay, you are an inspiration. I sit here with my open wound in my heart still and it is so nice to know that there is a life to look forward to.. I hope and pray that God will bless me like he has blessed youlaurie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted July 5, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 5, 2009 I have to tell you, I had the most wonderful day today. Jim and I went to the coast, walked along the beach, ate out, toured Heceta Lighthouse, came home and walked the dogs, went and watched the fireworks. He conked out right after we got home, but not before we prayed together. He is such a gentleman and so sweet. It was an altogether blissful day. I don't worry about the future...I'm just learning to enjoy today...I don't want to miss anything!For those with fresh wounds, it is still raw...you can't imagine a future...it takes time, so much time and effort...your life will not be the same, but it can be good...a new normal, a new you, a new future...when you're ready. Right now there's grieving to work through but tomorrow...who knows? I only know I am a survivor, many times over...yet life is good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Mayhew Posted July 5, 2009 Report Share Posted July 5, 2009 oh Kay, hearing the happiness shining thru your post made me smile ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
singledad2 Posted July 6, 2009 Report Share Posted July 6, 2009 Kay,When you mentioned visiting Haceta Lighthouse, I had to ask if they got the light working again. I was out on the left coast visiting family in April and that was such a beautiful place. It was sad though that the mechanism was down and the light wasn't functioning at the time. What a wonderful place to relax though. Walking along the Oregon coastline is so peaceful. SD2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marsha Posted July 6, 2009 Report Share Posted July 6, 2009 G-d bless you, Kay. You have opened your heart and soul here, and I've listened and learned. Yes, you are a survivor - and one of the bravest women I've come across on this journey. Love you! Marsha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kath Posted July 7, 2009 Report Share Posted July 7, 2009 That sounds wonderful, Kay! You sound happy, confident and sure, and for all you've been through, it is so good to hear! I had the neighbor over for a BBQ last weekend and he was telling me about someone he'd just met. We've become pretty easy friends and he's been a huge blessing to me in the last year. The kids had asked how I felt about him having a special friend. I said it was great. Mike says, "Why? Are you happy 'cuz now he won't ask you out?" I laughed, explained that I was much older and that he wouldn't have asked me out anyway, but that God wants us to be happy and having a special person to love is a good thing. Mike says, "Then I think you should find someone." I laughed again at his sudden maturity and wondered if it were possible. You continue to inspire, my dear!Love,Kath Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teny Posted July 7, 2009 Report Share Posted July 7, 2009 dear FAR AWAY FRIEND.......AND SOME DAY SOME DAY i WISH WE WILL MEET YOU ARE THE HOPE IN THIS JOURNEY NO ONE HAD ORDERED.yOYU WERE ONE OF MY FIRST FAR AWAY FRIENDS.GOOD LUCK.TENY Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gail_R Posted July 7, 2009 Report Share Posted July 7, 2009 Kay ..I'm so happy for..good people deserve good things to happen to them..... Gail Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted July 7, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 7, 2009 Yes the Heceta Lighthouse is up and running again, they've fully restored it. Thank you, my dear friends. You guys keep me going, I feel like we're a family, we share in all the trials, the joys, we share encouragement, comfort, anguish, we go through it all together.Jim and I had a great weekend. We went to church together...the pastor cornered him and asked him his intentions with me and told him I was special and he didn't want anyone to hurt me. It was a bit strong and premature, but Jim respected it and it was kind of sweet, like the church is protective towards me...that feels good. He took it well and told him we're just getting to know each other and he knew what I'd been through and understood and has no intentions of hurting me. He passed the test of my inquisitive church, incorrigible dog and dog-fur-covered house, so that said something!You know, I honestly can't say for sure if I'll ever "try again" or not, but I am open to whatever the future holds, as long as I know God is in it...not interested if He isn't. Right now I intend to have fun and enjoy life and know that "anything can happen!" I feel optimistic about the future...whatever it holds. I love you guys!Kay Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted July 7, 2009 Report Share Posted July 7, 2009 We love you, too, dear Kay ~ and you deserve only the very BEST ~ just like you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kath Posted July 8, 2009 Report Share Posted July 8, 2009 Wow, the church and the dog. That is good news! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted July 8, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 8, 2009 That's funny, Marty, George used to always say to me "You're the Best"...this was in response to my telling him HE deserved only the best...at the time we were just friends and I didn't connect the two until he spelled it out for me.Kath, it goes to show, if there's hope for me, there is for you too! (I imagine your household is a bit like mine.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
artsey Posted July 9, 2009 Report Share Posted July 9, 2009 Kay,For the first time in a long time with your help I do now have a optimistic Future. After Reading many of your posts yourunderstanding and caring does help us believe that there is a future of happiness just ahead. Jim Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kath Posted July 9, 2009 Report Share Posted July 9, 2009 I bet our homes have a lot in common! But the majority of my animals are of the two-legged variety! They bite less, but are much harder to train!If you don't mind my saying, I think you are a blessing to all who meet you. I am happy someone recognizes the truly special person you are, Kay. Take this one slow and enjoy the ride.Kath Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrcelloboy Posted July 9, 2009 Report Share Posted July 9, 2009 My best wishes in this new friendship Kay.Love,Maury Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted July 13, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 13, 2009 Thank you all for your well wishes! It just keeps getting better and better the more I know of him...this weekend was wonderful, he introduced me to his other daughter, his neighbors that are special to him (he's lived across from them for 29 years so they're close) and I got to attend HIS church, and we went to a play together. The more I see of this wonderful man, the more I feel very blessed. I will keep everyone posted about our developing relationship.Maury, how is it going for you?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted July 23, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 23, 2009 I am very, very happy with my life right now. I have reached a place where I am actually thankful for the things I've gone through in that I have gleaned so much from the lessons they gave. I did not, nor would I, wish for George's death, nor for all the pain associated with it or my subsequent marriage to John, but being as it did happen, I have chosen to make the best of it and learn all that I can. I've learned that joy does not depend upon circumstances. Peace does not depend upon circumstances. Finding joy takes concerted effort and focus. Rebuilding your life takes thought, planning, and effort. You are valuable, just you, because you are. You can survive almost anything, even when you think not. "This too shall pass" is true. "It won't be like this forever" has gotten me through so much. Friends come and go but God is constant. God may seem to elude you, making prayer seem impossible...continue anyway, the true life of the mature believer develops faith through living by it...proceed with what you know to do, and do it. Keep your eyes upon God, not upon your circumstances. All that we have been through broadens our perspective and better readies us for the future things we'll go through.Today my ex called me. I realized I really have nothing to say to him. That was quite an awakening! I've heard it said that the opposite of love is not hate, but indifference. I have moved on and I am happy. He spoke of his dissatisfaction with his life and I thought "that's too bad"...not sarcastically, not wishing him bad, but just an acknowledgment that it is too bad...I realize it won't likely get better because he hasn't changed within. But for me and the person I love, Jim, I am happy and look forward to life. I realize that God is in charge, even when we don't know what He's about...He knows, and we can rest in that. Seasons change. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted July 23, 2009 Report Share Posted July 23, 2009 Very dear Kay, I cannot thank you enough for continuing to share so honestly and so openly the details of your life story with all the members of our GH family all these many years. You are a precious soul, a strong and courageous woman, and a beacon of hope and inspiration for all of us. I hope you know how very much you are loved. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kath Posted July 24, 2009 Report Share Posted July 24, 2009 Amen to both of you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted July 28, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 28, 2009 This place has been a lifesaver for me, you will never know how much I owe you. Without this site and these wonderful caring people and Marty's gentle care, I don't think I could have come through all this. In the Christian world a miracle is often referred to as a "God-thing" and I have to say that this site qualifies as that. I have had another "God-thing" happen in my life, and that is meeting Jim. Just as I'd accepted my singlehood and was actually learning to be happy "just being me", I meet Jim. He possesses all of the qualities I have learned are most important in someone, and many more besides. I met him, June 19...the same day as the fourth anniversary of George's death. Could it be that God knew I needed a good memory on that day? Jim and I have fallen in love and are very happy together...we've gotten to meet each other's families, churches, neighbors/friends, and (as Jim likes to say) "It's all good!".Last week John contacted me (upon hearing I have someone new in my life and am happy, he wanted me back)...not a chance! (I've decided not to answer the phone to him any more.)But all this just to say, I have been through so much, just like a lot of you, but with a great deal of effort and time, life has a way of going on and joy is to be found if you keep your eyes peeled for it and your faith strong. Thank you, Marty, for giving us the opportunity to share here, it's helped us so much.Love,Kay Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Mayhew Posted July 29, 2009 Report Share Posted July 29, 2009 Kay, my heart smiled when I read your post :-)Hugs and thanks for sharingxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted July 29, 2009 Report Share Posted July 29, 2009 Mine, too Thank you, Kay . . . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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