STARKISS Posted August 6, 2009 Report Share Posted August 6, 2009 Hi Kay C,I too thank God for this site and all the wonderful caring people here, I also want to thank you for all that you have done for me.... Thanks to Marty for setting up this site and for being the caring person she is... This site has helped me through so much and without it I would have probably got insane or even died... Thanks KayC, Marty , and everyone else for caring and understanding what everyone has gone through...God Bless Everyone Shelley Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted August 6, 2009 Author Report Share Posted August 6, 2009 Thanks Shelley. These relationships here mean so much to all of us, it's really not like any other forum. It's one of the silver linings to the cloud... Kay Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted September 28, 2009 Author Report Share Posted September 28, 2009 Okay, you guys are the first ones I'm going to tell, outside of my children and my pastor...Jim has asked me to marry him. We spoke with our pastor yesterday and are set to begin counseling with him October 17. Many of you have walked this journey with me and have seen what I have been through...and after what I've been through I didn't think I could ever trust again, let alone find anyone I'd ever fit with. Well all that changed a few months ago with the acquaintance of a new friend and we were equally surprised by how well we hit it off. We look forward to getting on with building a new life together and enjoying this new found love. I know I couldn't have made it without all of your prayers and encouragement, and I hope you all share in my happiness...I won't stop coming here, you're all my friends and have been through so much with me. I have learned so much through the grief process...it gave me the tools to make it through the last year with John when I was dealing with so much betrayal and heartbreak. Without God's sending me someone so stable, calm, patient, and understanding, I don't think I ever could have tried again, but He knew what he was doing when He sent me Jim. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maryo Posted September 28, 2009 Report Share Posted September 28, 2009 Hi Kay, I want to wish You and Jim the very best. I have read many of your posting and you have helped me get through some of the difficult days.I know that only after a year and a bit life will get better and maybe one day I might meet someone as dear as my husband and if not I will learn to be happy with my life and what the future has in store for me. Take care. Mary Lou Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted September 28, 2009 Author Report Share Posted September 28, 2009 Thank you Mary Lou...I thought my life was over when George died and I made a really wrong choice when I married John, but happily that chapter of my life is over and I can focus on the rest of my life now. Jim is a very sweet person and I look forward to beginning our time together. I've learned so much in the last four years, it's incredible...it's not a path I would have chosen, but I have learned to be thankful for everything that's happened because of what I have learned if nothing else. I wish you the best in your future! Kay Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted September 28, 2009 Report Share Posted September 28, 2009 Kay, dear, my heart is filled with joy for you, and I join with all the members of our GH family in wishing you and your new love every happiness. We all ~ every single one of us ~ have learned as much from you as you have learned from us, and we are grateful beyond words for your continuing presence on our site. Our family would not be as special as it is without you, and I hope you know how respected and admired you are ~ and how very much you are loved. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laurieb Posted September 28, 2009 Report Share Posted September 28, 2009 Kay I am so happy for you and the peace you have worked so hard to achieve and the happiness you have earned! congratulations on your wedding plans. I pray you have a lifetime of happiness. Thank you for all you have done on this forum God bless laurie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maryo Posted September 29, 2009 Report Share Posted September 29, 2009 Thanks Kay for your kind wishes. I'm looking forward to many happy posts from you in the future. Take care. Mary Lou Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kath Posted September 30, 2009 Report Share Posted September 30, 2009 Dear Kay, I don't know how I could have missed your post but...CONGRATULATIONS! You have done more to show us how to what I call LIFE AD (live in faith, even after death) and I can't think of anyone who deserves this happiness more than you. I am positively elated for you, my friend, and will watch for the reality TV version of "Arley and Me" to appear sometime soon. (I think dogs like ours need two loving parents!) All my best to you and Jim. Love, Kath Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mlg Posted September 30, 2009 Report Share Posted September 30, 2009 Whoa!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just talked to you the other day and I don't think you had a clue this was going to happen. I guess I'd better start getting on here every day. I could have missed this whole thing for a while. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maryo Posted October 8, 2009 Report Share Posted October 8, 2009 Happy Birthday Kay, I hope you are having a good Birthday. Take care. Mary Lou Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted October 9, 2009 Author Report Share Posted October 9, 2009 Thank you all for your responses. Kath, Jim told me when he met my dog "Well, I figured if you keep HIM around, maybe I stood a chance!" LOL I asked him if something happened to Arlie if he'd miss him and he said "No if you die, I'm heading straight for the animal shelter!" Of course, I know he's kidding, and sometime between now and the time Arlie goes, he'll develop a real love for him, it just takes seeing past his rambunctiousness and focusing on the part of him that's fun and loving. He's accidentally hurt me twice this week, but even so, this crazy dog makes my life complete, you know? Looking forward to this weekend...will have my son home and will get to spend some time with Jim. AND it's gorgeous weather right now! You see, even though my life is nothing like it was before (before George died), at least it seems normal now...I'm busy with work, commuting, and my animals, church, plus doing everything I need to do at home, and I have times with Jim and my kids, that keeps me going. Maybe someday it'll even seem like other people's...although I kind of doubt it, it's been "different" for years now! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kath Posted October 11, 2009 Report Share Posted October 11, 2009 Kay, I was telling the kids tonight about getting Zeus, my first child, and former husky. He was nine months old and kept in a crate all day every day. When my co-worker said she was going to give him up I knew I had to meet him. Bob wasn't as sure, even though he was more like Dr. Doolittle than anyone I'd ever met. Zeus came out of that crate and started giving me kisses galore and I went up to Bob and said, "You gotta see this dog." He was adorable (Bob and Zeus both.) One look and we were packing him in our truck to bring home. Sassie is growing on us, though she rarely is the loving dog her predecessor was. Today, though, Mike was climbing the walls, so I outlined a very long walk for him to take Sassie on. He slipped at one point and let loose of her leash.(We had our first snow today.) Sassie came back to him carrying her leash in her mouth and licked his graveled hand. We were both surprised. She is starting to settle into being the dog we had all longed for. I don't know how old Arlie is, but everyone says it takes two years. I'm holding my breath on that, but there are getting to be more and more moments like today that give us hope. We were watching her as she was curled up and sleeping and I told the kids that some day it would be just her and I after they head off to college. Caitlin pitied me and they both laughed when I said, "Pray for me. Pray and don't ever stop!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted October 15, 2009 Author Report Share Posted October 15, 2009 Oh Kath, I can so relate! My Arlie is the biggest handful I've ever taken on, but he is so very loving and adorable. He is truly the biggest joy in my life! You wouldn't think a dog could mean so much, but they do. Skye is finally healed from his Colitis and doing better but he's grieving my son being away at college, poor sweet granddoggie! I'm also enjoying Jim, he may not have a tail that wags, but he's a great cuddler! Just wondering...how long before you encounter "empty nest"? I find it comes and goes...you just get used to them being gone and then they're back and you adjust to that and then they leave and here you go, all over again! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kath Posted October 18, 2009 Report Share Posted October 18, 2009 I have plenty of good years before the empty nest syndrome kicks in. The cherubs are in 6th and 7th grades. I still have all the joyful years to go through first! (I had a late start to parenthood.) Bob and I had 16 years alone before the kids arrived. I am grateful for that time, but feel bad they didn't get to see how fun their dad was. Most of their memories are of him being sick. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted October 25, 2009 Author Report Share Posted October 25, 2009 Update: Jim and I have canceled our Dec. 12 wedding plans. We are still engaged, but we have no specific date set. We want to give it more time to be certain we are doing the right thing. I love Jim all the more for speaking up, which had to be difficult, and wanting to protect our futures. Dec. 12 will be a hard day for me emotionally, so I covet your prayers on that day especially. Right now I am missing him. As I went through the last couple of days, it was very emotional and it hurt inside a lot. I remembered how George was when we got together...he never would have canceled our wedding date...but George knew exactly what he wanted before he met me so that when he met me, it was easy for him to know that I was the one he'd waited for all of his life. Jim is just learning and discovering so much, and you really can't compare the situations...love comes to us differently each time, no two paths are the same. I step outside of myself and look at this situation with the observing eye and I can see this a a positive step, not a negative one...yet I am a woman, and on an emotional level, this hurts. It FEELS like rejection, a vote against me, and yet deep inside, I know it isn't, it is a positive step for the both of us, so that one day when it is right, we will both know it and can fully enjoy it all the more. Oh it's hard to be a woman sometimes! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Mayhew Posted October 25, 2009 Report Share Posted October 25, 2009 Kay, I'm sorry to read your last post ... although my mind is telling me that it is good to wait and be sure, it is also screaming "live for today because you may not have tomorrow ... as we all know too well), my heart is telling me that I would too, feel rejected, if I were in your shoes. Of course, the reality is you are not (he is simply being careful), but it sure would FEEL like it. If I am brutally honest (and I am talking about ME here not you), reading this condoned my thoughts/decision to remain single ... because although you are good at saying "that was George and this is Jim", I would NOT be! I just know that my contempt for anyone that is not Cliff would shine through too brightly ... or is that because it is still relatively early days for me? I don't know. I certainly will say a prayer for you on the 12th. Have you thought about what you are going to do on that day? Just as with the deathiversaries I reckon you will need a game plan ... I hope Jim takes you for a nice meal, or cooks something special for you at home, just the two of you, so that you feel special, because you are ... to me, and many many people on here. Love to you xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted October 25, 2009 Report Share Posted October 25, 2009 Oh Kay, I'm so sorry to learn that you're enduring what feels like yet another rejection ~ but as you so wisely observe, this is just a FEELING, not the reality. Nevertheless, it just has to hurt like the dickens, and of course it's nearly impossible not to take this personally! We care so much for you, and it hurts us, too, to see you hurt in any way. I just want you to know that we're all thinking of you and holding you close ~ and you can be sure that you'll have our prayers on December 12 ~ and every other day, for that matter Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted October 26, 2009 Author Report Share Posted October 26, 2009 Thank you all for your responses...it helps to know someone out there cares. Boo, I don't have any regrets with Jim and am hopeful it will all work out...well, it will someway or another. Yes, this is emotional and hurts...it's hard to backtrack, but I'm trying really hard to keep an upbeat attitude. We were apart this weekend so it was hard, but it gave me some time to adjust without putting him through an emotional ride, you know? We spent a lot of time on the phone yesterday, and we spoke a couple of times today. I feel kind of alone, but then, if I'd never met him I'd be alone too, so I guess it doesn't make much difference, does it? I really don't compare him and George much...you see it's not so much that Jim doesn't love me and George did...it's more like George KNEW exactly what he wanted before he met me and that makes all the difference in the world, and George and I had a longer courtship, so we were more than ready when we finally did tie the knot. We want to take that time too so we'll be certain before we make a final step. I am trying to take a couple of steps back in the relationship and go back to just being girlfriend/boyfriend, enjoying each other's company...of course, it's hard to do that. I read some of the things he wrote just 1-2 months ago, and it's hard to believe he's doubting it now, but it is what it is. We've all had different paths in life and they shape our responses...I have to remember that about him...he had a 30 year bad marriage, that's going to color things for him and make him more cautious. You'd think my last experience would color things for me too, but I guess I'm a slow learner! Actually, I don't think I could have trusted just anyone, it was his fortitude that spoke to me, that and his whole approach to our relationship, so I have to keep that in mind and trust him now, no matter how "not good" this is feeling. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Mayhew Posted October 26, 2009 Report Share Posted October 26, 2009 Kay, you have a gift for understanding people, I mean really understanding them. Thank god we have you here xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted October 26, 2009 Report Share Posted October 26, 2009 Kay, dear ~ When I think of you, this song (as sung by the Lettermen in the early 60's) keeps running through my mind. It just seems to "fit" somehow: When I fall in love, it will be forever Or I'll never fall in love In a restless world like this is Love is ended before it's begun And too many moonlight kisses Seem to cool in the warmth of the sun When I give my heart, it will be completely Or I'll never give my heart And the moment I can feel that you feel that way too Is when I fall in love with you. - words and music by Edward Heyman and Victor Young Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted November 3, 2009 Author Report Share Posted November 3, 2009 This has been a tremendously hard time but I'm doing my best to try and keep a positive spirit. I wonder sometimes, why can't life just be easy? Why is it that I always seem to get dealt that hard path? I have so much to give, but...oh well, maybe it's just meant to be that way... I don't honestly know what will happen. It seems like every time I trust, I get hurt, I don't think I can do that again. I'm trying to hang in there but while my head tries so hard to deal with things intellectually, my heart has it's own bent. At least I have my dog, my wonderful beautiful sweet lovable funny dog. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kath Posted November 4, 2009 Report Share Posted November 4, 2009 And you have us! We're loveable, funny and only occasionally destructive! I wish I could fix things for you, Kay. I can only listen. I don't even have any advice. Hang in there. I just know good things will come your way. You are too sweet for anything less. Kath Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted November 4, 2009 Author Report Share Posted November 4, 2009 Oh Kath, I love you! Yes, I have you my dear friends, you are more precious than gold! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted November 18, 2009 Author Report Share Posted November 18, 2009 Just an update... In looking back, I can see that Jim's calling off our wedding was probably a good thing. I can't say for sure what will happen, but we're both taking the time to learn more about each other and we'll see how it goes. Dear Wendy sent me an email Oct. 6 about Christian Carter's "The Mind of a Man" (set of 8 CDs). I didn't pay a lot of mind to it at the time, but after Jim called off our wedding, I looked up the email, and read through it carefully, sifting through what it said for about an hour, and just wept...it hit me because everything it said was US! It described exactly what we'd been going through. I ordered the set and have been learning, learning, learning from it ever since. It is funny, but men and women pretty much want the same things, but they go about it differently and our brains process so differently and we can really have a breakdown in communication as a result. Just learning from this set of CDs has taught me so much, I really feel it has given Jim and I a chance to develop our relationship to it's best potential. Meanwhile, I'm working on living in the present, letting go of the past and trying not to worry about the future...seems to be an ongoing lesson, that's what I was going through a year ago too! LOL But regardless, single, married, or somewhere inbetween, I believe we can be happy...it does take effort from us though. That doesn't mean we don't have our preferences...some of us were made to be alone, some of us were made to share life with someone. We don't always get to live our preferences though. We can find happiness even when we're in that less than preferred state. Right now I'm home with the flu, and it's quiet, it's raining outside, my big puppy is laying here beside me, I'm enjoying a good cup of coffee, waiting for my headache and sore throat to abate...and you know what? Life ain't so bad... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now