Helpful Quotes

[mfh]

I come across helpful quotes often....so am starting a topic for those of us who find them or want to read them.

I found this a few minutes ago from a website called Stepping Through Grief (it is on Facebook...I think you have to "like it" to see it regularly.) I think we should list sources if we list the quote so credit is given. Mary

The love I have in my ♥ for you will help me find my way. You will be my beacon of light to guide me in this

strange and altered landscape I now find myself in and when I see that light shining, I will know that you

are with me, always by my side...

[Earl C]

Erich Fromm, of thinkexist.com

"to spare oneself from grief at all cost can be achieved only at the price of total detachment, which excludes the ability to experience happiness".

I feel like this goes along with our Pastor telling me that the grief and loneliness I'm enduring (goes for all of us in this boat) is only because of all the good times we shared, of all the years of love...so, would I be willing to not have this terrible grief if it meant not having those years with my chosen best friend and life's partner? NO WAY, I'll go through this.

Earl C

[Guest Nicholas]

Earl,

That is a very Buddhist sentiment, the notion that all attachment leads to suffering.

A tricky one to contemplate.

Nicholas

[Perkins808]

"Grief is neither a sign of weakness nor a lack of faith. It's the price we pay for love."

On the days that I'm struggling the most, I think of this quote and remember that I gladly pay this price.....to have known the love that I had with Jeff.

Hugs,

Tammy

[nats]

Thanks ,

I love this thread as quotes and saying's are a thing I've truely learned to enjoy since Ruth passed

as they allow my mind to look at this journey in a positive way, here's one of my favorites.....

NATS

__________________

How We Survive

If we are fortunate,

we are given a warning.

If not,

there is only the sudden horror,

the wrench of being torn apart;

of being reminded

that nothing is permanent,

not even the ones we love,

the ones our lives revolve around.

Life is a fragile affair.

We are all dancing

on the edge of a precipice,

a dizzying cliff so high

we can't see the bottom.

One by one,

we lose those we love most

into the dark ravine.

So we must cherish them

without reservation.

Now.

Today.

This minute.

We will lose them

or they will lose us

someday.

This is certain.

There is no time for bickering.

And their loss

will leave a great pit in our hearts;

a pit we struggle to avoid

during the day

and fall into at night.

Some,

unable to accept this loss,

unable to determine

the worth of life without them,

jump into that black pit

spiritually or physically,

hoping to find them there.

And some survive

the shock,

the denial,

the horror,

the bargaining,

the barren, empty aching,

the unanswered prayers,

the sleepless nights

when their breath is crushed

under the weight of silence

and all that it means.

Somehow, some survive all that and,

like a flower opening after a storm,

they slowly begin to remember

the one they lost

in a different way...

The laughter,

the irrepressible spirit,

the generous heart,

the way their smile made them feel,

the encouragement they gave

even as their own dreams were dying.

And in time, they fill the pit

with other memories

the only memories that really matter.

We will still cry.

We will always cry.

But with loving reflection

more than hopeless longing.

And that is how we survive.

That is how the story should end.

That is how they would want it to be.

Copyright © 2009 by Mark Rickerby

[Cheryl]

Nats, You shared your qoute wth us once before and it caught my eye. I printed it and read it often when I am wondering if I will make it through this journey. I will NOT jump into the pit, but will fill the awful whole with happy memories, and I will survive! Thanks for sharing it again.

Here is a qoute that I probably got from someone elses post. I loved it so much that I printed it and had it framed. The frame sits next to the candles that I light each night and a picture of Mark and I laughing on the beach in mexico. It helps remind me that my life here is brief compared to the eternity that lies ahead.

"One brief moment and it will be as it was before. How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting,when we meet again."

Hang in there everyone! Cheryl

[Earl C]

Cheryl: A beautiful quote, and I'm sure you won't mind if I copy you and print it out and frame this one myself, because it tells a story of where we are and what's ahead. Thanks to Mary for starting this thread, and to Tammy and Nats for great contributions. This, to me, is what it's all about because we all get something from it. Thanks again, all...Earl C

[kayc]

Thank you for starting this thread, it is a wonderful one!

The quote I remember, I do not know where it originated from but I read it here long ago, something to the effect of:

The degree of pain we feel is in relationship to the degree of love we shared. It is a tribute to them and what they meant to us.

Somehow that made me more able to endure the pain...

[nats]

Cheryl,

I remember you posting that you had printed it, I thought it fitting for this thread as some may have missed it...I'm glad you find direction when reading it, if we help each other in even the smallest ways we are completing a portion of the plan for us...I find these quotes get me thinking and give me a new outlook on reality/life as well as keep me in check.

Here is another I don't think I posted this one in previous thread...

NATS

If I should die and leave you here awhile,

Be not like others, sore undone, who keep

Long vigils by the silent dust, and weep.

For my sake turn again to life and smile,

Nerving thy heart and trembling hand to do

Something to comfort other hearts than thine.

Complete those dear unfinished tasks of mine

And I, perchance, may therein comfort you.

— A. Price Hughes

[mfh]

From Transcending Loss site

Self-compassion: for some this is simple and for others, it is a major challenge. Taking care of you and being gentle with yourself is so important. Try seeing yourself as you

were when you were a child . . . an innocent tender being. See if you can summon compassion for that little girl or boy and lavish your kindness upon them. When you grieve,

you are most vulnerable, most compromised so take care of YOU with a compassionate heart.

[mfh]

Sad but lovely.

[Earl C]

Good work, Mary, and to all of you, thanks for the inspiring words we can all learn from while we're on this part of a difficult journey. This is a thread we can all be thankful for. Considering what we're going through, especially after only less than three months in for me. I'm not sure I can relate to going backward other than the memories of my magnificent partner, Wanda, with whom I shared about 40 years. I'll be 78 at the end of this month, and am working hard to get everything in order so that our kids won't have a great burden when I rejoin the love of my life. Cheryl posted a quote earlier that fascinated me. I not only copied it, I researched it, and it turns out it was part of a longer oration by Henry Scott Holland, founder of the Christian Social Union in 1889...01/27/1847-03/17/1918. The entire text reads:

"Death is nothing at all. It does not count. I have only slipped away into the next room. Nothing has happened. Everything remains exactly as it was. I am I, and you are you, and the old life that we lived so fondly together is untouched, unchanged. Whatever we were to each other, that we are still.

Call me by the old familiar name. Speak of me in the easy way which you always used. Put no difference into your tone. Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow. Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes that we enjoyed together. Pray, smile, think of me, pray for me. Let my name be ever the household word that it always was. Let it be spoken with an effort, without the ghost of a shadow upon it.

Life means all that it meant. It is the same as it ever was. There is absolute and unbroken continuity. what is this death but a neglible accident? Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight? I am but waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just round the corner. All is well. Nothing is hurt; nothing is lost.

One brief moment and all will be as it was before. How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting when we meet again".

Sorry this post is so long, but in its entirety it gives me plenty to think about. I miss my wonderful Wife so much no one truly understands (with the exception, perhaps, of you friends at this site), but I have lived long enough to know that no matter how lonely I am for her, I will go on and try to make the best of what time I have left in this part of my journey. To me at least, the message above gives me inspiration to go forward by talking to my angel every day (which I already do) without feeling like I'm going crazy because I'm acting like she's still with me. You know what, SHE IS !!!

Love and prayers to all of you, and please continue your own journey knowing that your own partner is not lost completely, but still with you.

Earl C

[mfh]

Cheryl and Earl,

What a great quote....thank you ever so much. Mary

[Cheryl]

Wow Earl thanks for researching the author! I had not heard the entire writing. I love the words.

I was extremely close to my husband. We always called ourselves lucky because our life together was so effortless. One of the only things that brings me comfort is knowing that we will see each other again and will be able to spend eternity together. I have struggled lately with how to incorporate the memories into my everyday life and not become stuck in the past or yearn for what I can not have. I am almost 47 and I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone. I hope to find a way to keep my husband alive and also love someone else. It is difficult to imagine. But the words that Holland wrote help clarify that nothing has to change. What we had will always be what it was. The relationship that we shared can not be forgotten or changed. It will always be us. No matter what happens in my life. Who I share it with or who I evolve into. We will be as we have always been and no one can take that away from us. How sacred.

[terp8r]

Thank you all for sharing. I love all the quotes and poems, they were very comforting to read.

Love, Pam

[Cheryl]

Nats and Mary thankyou for the quotes. There are so many inspirational words of wisdom out there! I now have a collection printed out to review whenever I feel blue or discouraged.

[nats]

Earl,

I have this as a link in my signature as it inspired me so much.....

here is the Video Link

NATS

[mfh]

[kayc]

Thank you for sharing that. It was hard for me to watch, it touched my emotions so much. It's weird how this ache inside just goes on and on...

[mfh]

I understand how it goes on and on. Yes, it is hard to watch and yet somehow it also feels consoling....perhaps less alone knowing others feel pain and loss also. I am so sorry for your pain....we are all in this together. Mary

[mfh]

Nicholas sent this to me. It is by John O'Donohue, an Irish poet who died in 2008. He has several books. He is phenomenal. I took it and made it all singular for myself as it so describes my Bill.

Though we need to weep your loss,

You dwell in that safe place in our hearts,

Where nostorm or might or pain can reach you.

Your love was like the dawn

Brightening over our lives

Awakening beneath the dark

A further adventure of colour.

The sound of your voice

Found for us

A new music

That brightened everything.

Whatever you enfolded in your gaze

Quickened in the joy of its being;

You placed smiles like flowers

On the altar of the heart.

Your mind always sparkled

With wonder at things.

Though your days here were brief,

Your spirit was live, awake, complete.

We look towards each other no longer

From the old distance of our names;

Now you dwell inside the rhythm of breath,

As close to usas we are to ourselves.

Though we cannot see you with outward eyes,

We know oursoul's gaze is upon your face,

Smiling back at us from within everything

Towhich we bring our best refinement.

Let us not look for you only in memory,

Where we would grow lonely without you.

You would want us to find you in presence,

Beside us whenbeauty brightens,

When kindness glows And music echoes eternal tones.

When orchids brighten the earth,

Darkest winter has turned to spring;

May this dark grief flower with hope

In every heart that loves you.

May you continue to inspire us:

To enter each day with a generous heart.

To serve the call of courage and love

Until we see your beautiful face again

In that land where there is no more separation,

Where all tears will be wiped from our mind,

And where we will never lose you again.

[HoneyImHome11]

You cannot prevent the birds of sorrow from flying over your head, but you can prevent them from building nests in your hair.

- Chinese Proverbs

Thank you all for the up lifting quotes and poems... Nat, yours would be my favorite. The words have affected me deeply... Everyday I try to remind myself of how my husband lived his year of cancer, with bravery and the determination to live fully everyday. How can I do anything else in my grieving of him? In my love for him I will find a way to make peace with all of this, I will find joy in living again for that was our beginning.

Peace to all of you

Deb

redesign08.blogspot.com

[just one more hug]

Our lives are better left to chance....better to miss the pain....or the dance???? I keep repeating myself..sorry...but keeps me going....would rather go through this pain than to have missed the dance of life I had with Bill. I will survive and we will dance again...... Nats....loved the words in your post....hit me in the heart...Carol

[mfh]

I agree, Carol! Would not trade our life together for anything.

[mfh]

Traces of You

Was it all a dream?

Did you really exist?

It all went so fast. Was it real?

I see your pictures on the refrigerator door.

Your clothes in the closet.

The grandfather clock you made.

Your tools in the basement.

Your poems…my memories.

You must have been here.

Were they real

Or did I dream those incredible years?

A dream…now a nightmare

That I live each day.

I remember waiting for you…

I dreamed for years of you

coming into my life.

And then, one day, you did!

Our joy was endless.

Our love so deep.

Twin flames, one soul, hearts beating as one.

Oh, we had our squabbles now and then,

And we always knew we loved deeply

We always quickly found each other's hand

Through each trial and each joy,

Each moment.

Now I wait again

The shock of your absence ambushing me daily.

Each one grabbing me…as if a first…

Jolting me.

Robbing me of breath

Stopping my heart.

There is so much I miss.

So indescribable.

I cannot count the ways.

No one can understand my pain, my loss

Only you would know what we no longer have.

The joy, the intimacy, the oneness.

And so I wait again, trying to find purpose

as I wait

to be with you

where our joy will finally be endless.

© 9-4-11 mfh