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My Dear Brother, I Miss You


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#1 AprilAnnMcCue

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Posted 12 December 2011 - 06:25 PM

December 10th was 8 months since my brother Billy passed away. Now I know most of you know, closure is so important in any death for the family. But my family has not received anything, yet. April 10th, 2011. My 28 year old brother was walking home after a night out for his birthday, he was struck by a vehicle and left to die in the middle of the street. (It was his birthday when he passed) This man who killed my brother, went and hid his car and went home like any other night out. The next morning his lawyer called the police and were directed to the truck. My brother's blood was identified on the car 6 months after. This city sucks by the way! I dont know how or when this bastard will be arrested or even how much time he will get. It's heartbreaking, I can't look at pictures or hear anything about my brother with out getting completely emotional. I have 2 siblings left. Me and billy were so close, he was my best friend. My provider after my mom passed in January, he helped me through everything. He didn't deserve this, no one does and not only do me and my family deserve closure, my brother Billy does too! Now the home that I was raised in, is being taken away, I have to live in my aunt's home where they do there best to make me feel better, but it'll never be the same. I work hard everyday to make what little i get paid and i am a full time student in college. Nothing stopped me from accomplishing anything, not even this sick man! Im not sure what i can do left. I can't loose my home too after so much loss. I need to somehow come up with 5,000 to get the utilities back on! Does anyone know who can help. Thanks everyone for taking the time to read this as well. It means a lot. I haven't given up yet and I never will!
April Ann McCue

#2 lucidsaint

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Posted 13 December 2011 - 12:56 AM

Hello April.

Its weird that today I was sharing with a friend something I posted here then I get the email that you added me. I havent been on here in a while. I cried when I read your post. Hard! I cant imagine that much loss in that amount of time april! I would have just lost it and been no good to the world. But you keep going. Thats awesome! We have similar stories of our lost ones. My cousin I mentioned losing was killed and left to die in a parking lot. No one should die in a parking lot or on the road. As far as our moms go its been 20 years since this old man lost his. I can still cry at any moment given the right memory of my momma. Just like I cried when.i was 11. We never get over it. We just kinda learn how to carry the heartbreak better and not be so confused all the time. And sometimes share with others like right here. And be here for others as well.

#3 AprilAnnMcCue

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Posted 13 December 2011 - 01:07 AM

That;s exactly why i came on here and finally found something good. I've been depressed for too long and at times i find myself believing everyone forgot about my brother and some guy is walking out there free. It's just not fair. At times i find myself blaming myself for all the tragedy. I wish more people on here could write me, it so helpful getting insight from other's that lost family as well.
April Ann McCue

#4 kelzo

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Posted 13 December 2011 - 02:48 AM

April,

I'm so sorry to hear about your Brother. Life is just not fair sometimes, I know. But the fact that you are on this site, talking about it, shows that you are a fighter and that you are strong!! You can't ever allow this event, although a huge one, to define the rest of your life. You have a very bright future ahead of you, so keep doing what you are doing. It does get easier. Ben has been gone now for over a year and although I think about him everyday, the sadness and the grief in my heart is not as pronounced as it was. But if I allow myself to go to that dark place of remembering, it comes back and consumes me. I know my Brother and I'm sure your's, would want us living on productive lives, happy lives, knowing we will be reunited with them again, when the time comes. I will keep you in my prayers and ask for your peace and wellness. Kelzo

#5 Jewel72

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Posted 19 December 2011 - 03:49 PM

Dearest April:

On November 4th of this year, my 45 year old brother died. He died alone, and police officials found him almost 4 years after he died. When my family went to go identify him, the medical examiner claimed he died of natural causes and gave a ridiculous explanation for my brother having a a swollen eye and blood flow on one side of his face. It was unfortunate that he died in Mexico, a country that clearly has become dehumanized. So we knew we could not get any justice for his death. There was a woman that had gotten involved with him. She was the one that contacted our family about his death. She claimed that she had already left him two weeks prior,but yet she knew one of our phone numbers. We question how that could be since my brother had his cell phone with him....too many questions unanswered. At least you know who killed your brother...the one that killed mine is roaming free. By no means does this make it any easier. This is the first sibling out of seven of us that I have buried. The holidays do not make it any easier. I am left with two elderly grieving parents and five nieces/nephews that miss their father everyday. I can't sleep...celebrating holidays does not have the same meaning for me. I use to love going to work, but now I resent it...no room for grieving. I think I have gone through all seven phases of grief simultaneously. Hearing people tell you that he is in a better place doesn't make it any better....there are times I am selfish, and I would rather have him here with my family. He lead a difficult and dangerous life...in part I understand that maybe this was best for him. But he did not deserve to be killed. God bless you and your family in your grief. I don't have the answers,and don't pretend to do so. I am still trying to figure all this out myself.

#6 keyboardplayer

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Posted 19 December 2011 - 05:40 PM

Wow, that's really hard. Sending love and prayers.

#7 waltermeyer

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Posted 24 January 2012 - 10:37 PM

April, you are in my thoughts and prayers. Life can be so so hard. I just don't understand sometimes why some of the best people have the absolute worst things happen to them. Not trying to say "oh woe is me" but I think you understand what I mean. I wish there was something that I could do to help you. But in the months after my best friends death, I went to his daughters 10th birthday party at a roller skating rink, and shattered my right wrist and hand. And yes I'm right handed and I deal poker for a living. So I was out of work for 3 months. Then in the months after that I had so many days where I just couldn't function in public. I just couldn't keep my composure in a professional setting. So I lost my job, and my home. This has been the most painful and defeating time of my life. And if you read my profile you will see I have had more than my share of tragedies. The traumas I have endured have all but taken me too. Please try to do all that you can to keep yourself together. Because I fell apart and it only made things so much worse. I keep wondering when my life will come together. But I feel like I am destined to suffer. Don't be like me. You are young and you have your whole life. I wish you the very best. I will keep you in my heart and say a prayer for you nightly. Take care. John



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