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Grief And Peri-Menopause


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  • 1 month later...

Hi, thanks everyone for your interesting posts I too googled grief and menopause and ended up here. I wrote today on what would've been my mum's 80th birthday. My mum passed away in November 2018 and with suffering with grief I didn't notice that my last period was February 2019 so by August I went to the doctors who did a blood test to confirm I was Peri Menopausel. On talking to a colleague last week I told her that I'd been suffering from grief so didn't think about my period, I was 47 so thought it'd be years off but she said it the menopause could've been brought on by the grieving of my mum. Why didn't my doctor tell me this? I look forward to your replies. 

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I have friends in their 60s and 70s still dealing with it.  Mine was over with within about a year, in my mid-50s.  Stress affects it like everything else, so it doesn't surprise me any that grief can trigger it.

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3 hours ago, Tea Tea said:

menopause could've been brought on by the grieving of my mum. Why didn't my doctor tell me this?

Sadly enough, not all doctors are informed, educated or experienced in grief as a specialty, and they don't know what they don't know.

Here is an updated version of the post that appeared earlier (May 29, 2012) in this thread:

Mother Loss: When Grief Is Mixed with Menopause

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About a year and a half ago, i lost one out of the three, most important persons in my life! My grandmother! She's wasn't just my grandma; she was basically my mother. She raised me from the day i was born, bcuz my mother was only 16, when she had me. My mom was out of control n just plain and simple, didn't want to be a mom and didn't want me period! She told me so herself, many times! Anyways, I was devastated, when my Gram passed and still am! Time doesn't heal anything, to me, time has only made it worse! I miss her more and more everyday! At the time that she passed, I was 40 going on 41 and literally the day of her wake, is the exact day, (i know for a fact) that i started early perimenopause. I woke up n my stomach, was extremely bloated! To the point i looked, about 7 months pregnant! Even my family members, who came to the wake, that i haven't seen in years! Came up to me and asked me, if i was pregnant. I didn't get my period, which i didn't think I would, bcuz i have never gotten that bloated, from pms ever! I chalked it up, to being extremely stressed out, sad, depressed n going through grief. I have never lost anyone that close to me before! So, I wasn't sure what ur body may physically go through, when ur grieving. Months passed and still no period! I was so caught up in my grief, that i honestly wasn't paying attention, to not getting my period. I'd say, about 4 months went by, before i suddenly realized i hadn't had it, in a long minute. So, then i thought i really was pregnant and took multiple pregnancy tests! All of them, came back negative! It never crossed my mind, not even once, that i could be starting perimenopause! Bcuz, I'm so young! A woman usually starts perimenopause, around the same time, their mother did. My mom didn't start it, till she was 51. Or,  it can be bcuz u got ur period, at a young age, which i did not. I got it 2 days before, my 14th birthday, which is average for a girl. Then, i started getting really scared! I wasn't pregnant and perimenopause, never crossed my mind! I honestly didn't know much about it, to know that i was showing every sign and symptom, of it...mood swings, hot and cold flashes, no sex drive, weight gain etc. Like i said, i started getting scared! I was thinking something was seriously wrong, with me, like cancer or polyps. Then the fact that i literally had, absolutely no sex drive! I didn't even want to be touched, by my fiancelet alone sex!  That alone started causing serious problems, in our relationship! He thought I was cheating on him and almost left me. That's when i finally thought, to seek medical help. I didn't want to lose my fiance! I love him with all my heart! He's one of the three, most important ppl in my life, that i mentioned earlier! My daughter being the first, my Gram, then him! Plus i needed him so much, at that time, bcuz of losing my Gram. So, I made the appointment, with a medical dr. They sent me, to the ob/gyn. And the ob/gyn ,did all kinds of tests and it came back, that I was definitely, starting perimenopause  and i was definitely, really early!  REALLY, REALLY EARLY!!! I know for a fact, that losing a loved one, who meant the world to u, can definitely, without a doubt in my mind, make u start early perimenopause! I just really hope the medical community, will do more research on this subject! So that more woman, don't have to go through the guessing game! The way I did!

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  • 3 months later...

Hi, like a lot before me i goggled Sudden death of Dad & periods stopping and this is where it brought me. My Dad passed suddenly on 29th April 20, I came on the night / day after it happened then nothing since just the 1 day which wasn’t due as only finished last on 24th April and I’ve always been as regular as clockwork. 
I just want to know that this is a normal response to stress / grief I’m 44 years old so hormones are starting to be effected anyway. My main concern is l’m nearly 2 years in remission from stage 3 Melanoma so I’m stressing it’s cancer related?

Thank you.

 

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  • 1 month later...

I’m 49 and I have hasmoto desease and sure I’m entering a phase of the beginning of menopause I just lost my mother a little over a month ago and am grieving badly!!!..although I’m sure my episodes are normal but I’m getting crazy thoughts outside my normal phychie like needing to take a break from my life, furlough from Covid, unemployment cutting me off, and no money, and to boot a bad relationship that’s becoming more and more of a convienence than love. All this within two months time. I’m ready to snap! I even fantasize about committing a crime just to purposely go to jail just to escape the life I have and not have to cook, do laundry, or care about anyone but me like I need to center myself like a reset button. Plan B was to just leave it all behind and move to another country where no one knows me and I can let minimal people into my life. I have reached a phychological understanding that I have died with my mother and I’m in literal my own hell because all the strength I used to have is gone and that it makes sense that the devil himself has stole it from me to keep me weak and from fighting back. I’m a Christian and I could have done something so bad that god has cast me to this life....I feel stripped from faith and hope.

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I used to do prison ministry...trust me, you do not want to go to prison.  Everything you talk about here sounds like you want escapism.  Have you gotten any professional help to help you figure out how to "do this" life you've been handed?  Maybe even assisted living if you can't keep up with everyday mundane tasks?  You might contact senior and disable services, you're not a senior by years yet but you're feeling the disability!

As for this 

11 hours ago, Seamstress said:

I’m a Christian and I could have done something so bad that god has cast me to this life

That's not how God works, this isn't a punishment or something you've done wrong.  We have inequity in our lives, unfairness, we're not allotted the same, that's for sure, but I don't look at it like God did this to us.  We just live in an imperfect, unjust world.  

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  • 7 months later...

Hello,

First of all, I would like to thank you for starting this thread. I first found this website in 2009 when I lost my mom and it helped me greatly. Then I lost my dad the next year. I have spent a lot of time and have had a lot of support from my husband, kids and brother. Unfortunately, October 15, 2019, I lost my brother, my only sibling. I am totally heartbroken. He was 57 years old and died 15 months after being diagnosed with esophageal cancer. I can’t even explain the hurt, pain and anger I feel that his life had to be cut short. We were all cheated!!!   I have had quite a few years where I have had symptoms of peri. But recently, it’s been bad with my moods. My period has always been very regular but I haven’t had it since December 2020. I have a lot of trouble sleeping and it is affecting my mood. I don’t have any history of being depressed but am having trouble smiling lately. 
 

It came to me this morning that maybe peri is making the grief I feel worse. When I went looking in the internet, ironically it led me right back to this site. It helps to know I’m not alone because it sure feels that way sometimes. 
 

thank you for listening. 
 

“Crushed”

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I am sorry you're going through that on top of losing your brother.  I was extricating myself from a marriage that wasn't (really bad) and never had a period again...it may have had to do with it also.  At any rate, I don't miss them!  You might talk to your doctor about the symptoms you're going through to see if hormones would help, I elected not to take them due to the risks but if it's bad enough you might consider it for a time.  It's worth discussing with your doctor.

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