mfh Posted November 4, 2012 Author Report Share Posted November 4, 2012 This piece is quite meaningful to me though it is about ants. The message relates to each of us who has lost a loved one...someone we have gotten to know, spend time with and love deeply. Says so much about why it is so hard to lose a spouse or child...or other loved one. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tara-brach/attention-love_b_2049596.html Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted November 4, 2012 Author Report Share Posted November 4, 2012 Sorry couldn't copy URL but if you put Maria Shriver and Mary Oliver into Google you will get it. Jan, I had read that one in O magazine. For anyone interested. http://www.oprah.com/entertainment/Maria-Shriver-Interviews-Poet-Mary-Oliver Thank you. Mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted November 4, 2012 Report Share Posted November 4, 2012 Oh Mary, I remember that interview. So good. Anne "I held my breath as we do sometimes to stop time when something wonderful has touched us..." Mary Oliver quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted November 4, 2012 Author Report Share Posted November 4, 2012 Anne, I love this quote. It conjures up all kinds of wonderful moments, esp with Bill. I had a long talk with MYself today about driving 7 hours tomorrow (more depending on rush hour traffic north of Chicago...probably 9)....then visiting with Cathy and then I talked with her and she has no idea if she will go home or be in the hospital so we both agreed that it was smarter for me to just wait. I am doing down for sure in two weeks and staying 5 days and then the first week of December so I knocked some sense into my own head....we are talking daily and she is fine with my waiting. Today we talked about losing hair, positive attitude, etc. She feels positive about recovery and so do I. I feel relieved overall as I am so tired and gathering the energy to do this especially after being on all day at my friend's art exhibit...just felt like too much. The art reception was great....LOTS of locals and of course talk talk talk....setting up, cleaning up...many people surprise me and ask me how i am doing...people I rarely see...that also felt good but the best was the large showing for Yvonne's first solo exhibit. Now, it is pj time. A friend is coming soon to use my wireless (she lives in the country...no internet and the General Store is closed). I will park her in front of the fire in my studio. She is a quiet soul recovering from a heart attack she had in Alaska where she is a forest ranger 6 months of the year. So many neat people in my life. I am blessed. Take care, Anne...thanks for that quote. It brought back a flood of memories...good ones. Love Mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wifflesnook Posted November 4, 2012 Report Share Posted November 4, 2012 Another Mary Oliver quote:- “maybe death isn't darkness, after all, but so much light wrapping itself around us--” ― Mary Oliver, Owls and Other Fantasies: Poems and Essays Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted November 4, 2012 Report Share Posted November 4, 2012 Oh Mary, You do know how relieved I am that you are not going to try to make that drive in one day. I know the areas and it would be very challenging. Cathy is a very lucky person to have you as her life time friend. You know that all of us will have everyone in our prayers. Yvonne's art exhibit sounded like it was a success. Any cookies left. I am glad that you listen to yourself - sometimes. I really like Jan's Mary Oliver quote, also. Anne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted November 4, 2012 Report Share Posted November 4, 2012 Great quote, Jan. I find peace reading any of Mary Oliver material - especially now. Anne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted November 5, 2012 Author Report Share Posted November 5, 2012 Anne, I do know you are relieved and so am I. I was just so tired after 5 hours of talking to people, setting up, cleaning up...and said to myself....I needed to stop. I sent the cookies that were left...home with others so they are not in the house tempting me...sugar is the worst thing for my joints. I like the Oliver quotes also. I am in pj's and since everyone thinks I am out of town tomorrow, I plan to keep it that way. Mary with love and gratitude Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted November 7, 2012 Report Share Posted November 7, 2012 Attentiveness - I guess that's good... this quote just spoke to me today. “Ten times a day something happens to me like this - some strengthening throb of amazement - some good sweet empathic ping and swell. This is the first, the wildest and the wisest thing I know: that the soul exists and is built entirely out of attentiveness.” ― Mary Oliver Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted November 7, 2012 Author Report Share Posted November 7, 2012 Anne, I really like this quote. I so look forward to seeing Mary Oliver on Monday. This quote speaks of mindfulness, being present and quiet inside. I am so relieved this election is over. The local group wanted me to turn my office (private entrance at home) into the headquarters. Thank goodness I had the presence to reject that a long time ago. Last night I realized how I ran to the election, lost my real self some and got too involved with it...distraction...I crave just being quiet again...sometimes even an election can create an escape from pain. I think early October got so painful that an escape hatch felt like relief..not all bad...but I lose my center too easily. I get caught up with others and I know that some of that is fear based...since I am alone...my need to feel connected has surfaced but I want real connections. I struggled with this shortly after Bill died saying yes to every invitation I got...Time to regroup....again. It is fragile. I know that and re-learn it every day. My retreat this weekend will help...away from everything...two labyrinths to walk...like minded people. I am sure the talking heads on TV will analyze and spin this to death. I won't be around for that. Mindfulness class today will help me settle back in, get centered again. Classes do that more easily for me than when I am by myself. Peace, Mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted November 7, 2012 Report Share Posted November 7, 2012 Dear Mary and All, I too was caught up in the election and stayed up way too late. I so dislike all the chatter! People think they have so much to say when in reality they don't. My personal opinion is that we all need to be still for a while and listen to our hearts. Our society isn't allowing us to do that though. I wonder what our country would be like if the Dalai Lama or Mother Teresa or Deepak Chopra, or Eckhart Tolle or even St. Francis of Assisi was our new President? People need help managing their time. For many of us our standard response when someone asks how we are doing is to say, "I've been so busy…" This is a useless statement. It says nothing about how we really are doing, it signals that we may be having problems disciplining our lives, and it may even be a small badge of honor we are flashing. Busyness and stress are two problem areas that we turn into merit. We must stop complaining about being too busy and fix what needs fixing. Otherwise how are we going to help people who are looking for leaders who can show them how to manage life? Bottom line: spiritual leadership means many people serving all people in issues regarding all of life. Spiritual leadership is all - encompassing. No wonder it is so rewarding, and so challenging at the same time. How much better the world would be if all of us–church leaders, business leaders, educators, community leaders, medical and legal professionals, parents–used all the tools available to us as we help people, made in the image of God, come under the enduring influence of God. And why would we want to do anything else? What do you think? Mary, I'm glad you liked the quote I came across from Mary Oliver. I like this post a lot. If you wish, check out my poetry board (Pinterest) and listen to Billy Collins reading a few of his poems put to animation. Genius. I'm glad you are going on your retreat this weekend. I am scheduling a few days in December at Our Lady of Guadalupe Monastery here in AZ for a renewal of my own spirituality – for I have no idea what's to face me for my future. Jim's death changed all of my plans for my future. Now I have to re-evaluate my life without him. I wasn't sure what I was going to do with this pdf attachment I put together but it seems appropriate to post it here. Have you thought of your 'goal list' yet? AnneAlmost Forgot – Reflections on Moving Forward.pdf Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted November 7, 2012 Author Report Share Posted November 7, 2012 If Dalai Lama was president...hummmmmm! Neat thought. He is a Madison favorite...he has his USA headquarters here...or one of them. It is amazing. I have a Buddhist friend and have gone with her to services. Peace is the word that comes up. As much as I admire him, I will choose Francis of Assisi as I then know animals will be taken care of. Yes, I am very much looking forward to this retreat/training. It is at the Dominican -what used to be their motherhouse and novitiate but now used mostly for caring for older nuns and rent out to groups. They have an indoor and outdoor labyrinth, a chapel where Bill and I have participated in Taize, calm and peace. I will be certified as a facilitator in this technique...Soul Collage and MAY use it in the future with small (6-8) groups. It will be pretty introspective and based on Jung who I believe is the best. Friday noon to Sunday late afternoon. As for goals-well...just to "be", live in the now, meditate daily, practice Mindfulness, eat right, do my Tai Chi which I have come to love since classes started, read, get to be a good painter (watercolor or acrylics), love my Bentley, have him helps others, sort through possessions and get rid of most, and next Fall start earning some money doing something I love, so I can leave my savings alone for a while in case I live long. Not sure what I will do in that regard...I KNOW I will focus on end of life issues some how but not ready to get more clear unless a door opens and what is on the other side of it knocks me across the head (gently). Everything else is what it is. I want a quiet life as Bill and I chose many years ago. Close friends matter...those who speak my language. That is pretty much it. I am back and the TV has been turned off indefinitely. No more news for a long while. Peace, Mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wifflesnook Posted November 7, 2012 Report Share Posted November 7, 2012 Phew Anne. My counsellor would be so proud of me if I had a list like that lol. I saw him on Tuesday and he seemed very gently to me nudging me towards doing something independently, because he had picked up that I was only able to do anything when I thought Pete was with me and approving. It's true, but I don't feel ready for anything else right now. Rather than trying to move forwards I just seem to want to burrow back into our old life even though it doesn't exist any more. Your list albeit tongue in cheek is showing the way. I'm 71 and could live quite a few years yet. I do need to see my way forward somehow. But I'm hoping I will know when I can do that. Everything I read about the kind of loss we have sustained suggests that it's best to 'go with the flow' so I won't worry if I'm not ready. I am studying archaeology, and I am finding it interesting. I am meeting people who want to talk about our (Pete and mine's research in the area). But today is the first anniversary of Pete's stroke and I spent the first hour of the day sobbing. And only slept about an hour last night (maybe a mistake to watch the USA election?). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted November 8, 2012 Author Report Share Posted November 8, 2012 Jan, I agree that each person must follow their own flow. I see you doing a lot. You get up each day, walk the dog, cook. Reach out to neighbors, take of the grandchildren, and you are read and taking an archeology course. I think that is a lot at 5 months or anytime. I do what I need, Anne does her thing and everyone else does their own thing. You will take on more when you are ready. Sounds like your counselor is wanting to make sure you are choosing to be you and not sift everything through Pete's approval. I know, from your emails, that you also want that...really. Just got in from Mindfulness class. I will miss it when it ends. It was a tough one today..tripped off tears. Still flowing. I feel like an island for some reason. I am too tired so that may be part of it. You take care of you. Love Mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wifflesnook Posted November 8, 2012 Report Share Posted November 8, 2012 I wish I had such classes nearby. Your area sounds to be full of opportunities like that which I assume is why you chose it. I have various apps and sites I visit of the Internet for meditiation and mindfulness, but none of them seem quite what I want. Still looking. Yes, I am thinking about what my counsellor said, but I know I'm not ready to be pushed into anything (and anyway it wasn't so much about action as attitude I think). Anne, your Pinterest site is getting better and better. I also visit Marty's and yours, Mary. My ipad wouldn't let me play the Billy Collins for some reason, so I will have to visit it on the PC. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted November 8, 2012 Author Report Share Posted November 8, 2012 I wish I had such classes nearby. Your area sounds to be full of opportunities like that which I assume is why you chose it. I have various apps and sites I visit of the Internet for meditiation and mindfulness, but none of them seem quite what I want. Still looking. Yes, I am thinking about what my counsellor said, but I know I'm not ready to be pushed into anything (and anyway it wasn't so much about action as attitude I think). Anne, your Pinterest site is getting better and better. I also visit Marty's and yours, Mary. My ipad wouldn't let me play the Billy Collins for some reason, so I will have to visit it on the PC. Yes, Jan, we chose this area many years ago. Our first home was closer to Madison on 67 acres of woods and meadows at the end of Middle Earth Rd. When we returned following mountain life in CO and then RV life, we knew we could not manage 67 acres anymore (lots of work) and the land costs had skyrocketed so our second choice was Spring Green as we used to come over here all the time for events. Madison, we chose, because of all that goes on there....a University town and the capital of Wisconsin. I am slowly writing a piece (almost done) on meditation/mindfulness and will send it to you soon as it will contain links to good sites on meditation. I agree it is about attitude. But getting involved with people to some degree is also important when you are ready. Honor your own voice. Your area sounds incredible. I know you do not have nearby events like we do but the land sounds lovely and a little friendly village. How far from London? I leave in the morning for my retreat/training weekend. It will be a good distraction that is also meditative. I am having some very tough days...started early October and I can't shake them. Maybe walking the labyrinths this weekend will help...I feel like I am on a long loop back a year. Peace, Mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted November 8, 2012 Author Report Share Posted November 8, 2012 From Facebook: Transcending Loss: Understanding the lifelong impact of grief If you don't start to deal with your grief (talk about it, cry about it, let it change you in new ways) then your grief will stay behind a wall. You may think you've outwitted it, but in fact it is there behind the wall making you sick and shutting down your life. Feeling grief is part of living. It's never too late to start processing your pain. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wifflesnook Posted November 8, 2012 Report Share Posted November 8, 2012 Ha Mary. For us in the UK distances are different. London is about 230 miles away but it's another world. Until our daughter moved there 20 years or so ago I had only been twice. When she lived there we went about once a year. Pete always called Kilnsea, our village, the Back of Beyond, and even people who live about 8 miles away think of it like that because the road runs out into the sea just beyond our cottage. So people don't pass by here. They have to make an effort to visit. But we love it and even though I am now alone I want to stay as long as I'm able to. I'm so sorry you are having a hard time. I can't say anything helpful which would sound in any way meaningful. We are all in this situation and we all do our best with it, you more than most, it seems to your many admirers. I survived the anniversary of Pete's stroke yesterday. I did it and the old Jan wouldn't have thought I could ever survive so that is something I suppose. (Even if sometimes I think I don't want to survive, but know that my survival is important to those who love me) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted November 8, 2012 Author Report Share Posted November 8, 2012 Ha Mary. For us in the UK distances are different. London is about 230 miles away but it's another world. Until our daughter moved there 20 years or so ago I had only been twice. When she lived there we went about once a year. Pete always called Kilnsea, our village, the Back of Beyond, and even people who live about 8 miles away think of it like that because the road runs out into the sea just beyond our cottage. So people don't pass by here. They have to make an effort to visit. But we love it and even though I am now alone I want to stay as long as I'm able to. I'm so sorry you are having a hard time. I can't say anything helpful which would sound in any way meaningful. We are all in this situation and we all do our best with it, you more than most, it seems to your many admirers. I survived the anniversary of Pete's stroke yesterday. I did it and the old Jan wouldn't have thought I could ever survive so that is something I suppose. (Even if sometimes I think I don't want to survive, but know that my survival is important to those who love me) Well, Jan, I hardly think you want to drive 230 miles for a class but an occasional trip to London might be great....a weekend for symphonies etc. sometime down the road. Bill and I loved London and almost did a house trade for a year. Your village sounds so great... Good for you to make it through that tough day. I think your survival and mine is important to those who love us and to those we will help in the future...As Richard Bach said when asked how do I know if my time is up? His response...if you are still here, it is not up. I am starting to get the hang of Tai Chi...and amazed at how it helps balance, muscle strength, concentration. Mary until later, Mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wifflesnook Posted November 8, 2012 Report Share Posted November 8, 2012 Our daughter lives in Leeds which is quite a cultural place with a ballet company and an opera company. At her suggestion I've subscribed to their newsletter so that maybe we can go if something good comes up. We both like opera and ballet as did Pete. We would need a baby sitter but as Rosie-Mae gets older (she is six months now) that would be possible. And I am going to see a play by our local playwright a week on Saturday. So I will try to keep my cultural life going even of my enthusiasm is very low. Such activities are life enhancing and maybe even in grief we can get something from them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted November 8, 2012 Author Report Share Posted November 8, 2012 I do hope you get to do that. Even just you when you visit...a nice break. I do believe it helps if nothing else it is a distraction but it also keeps some routine and habits in life. Leeds sounds lovely. Just as your village does. I love the symphony as did Bill. NOt so much for opera or ballet. I hope you get to go soon. Mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wifflesnook Posted November 9, 2012 Report Share Posted November 9, 2012 I'm still not able to play music Mary. Are you I don't know how to break through this barrier. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted November 10, 2012 Report Share Posted November 10, 2012 Jan, Music will come when YOU are ready. Here's my thought for the night and then I'm going to bed. I thank you God for this most amazing day, for the leaping greenly spirits of trees, and for the blue dream of sky and for everything which is natural, which is infinite, which is yes. (e. e. cummings) ps - Mary - I hope you are reflecting on your retreat. Anne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted November 10, 2012 Author Report Share Posted November 10, 2012 Retreat is excellent. Very deep...exploring the depths. Good group. Jungian based. Outstanding leader. I took all of you with me as I walked the ,labyrinth last night and will again today and tomorrow. Off to breakfast. We work 9am to 9 pm today with breaks only for meals...intense. I am loving it and yet it is challenging. Peace, mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wifflesnook Posted November 13, 2012 Report Share Posted November 13, 2012 I've just found this site. The poems truly speak to me. http://www.candycecounseling.com/griefquotes.html Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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