Orphaned At 23-Needs Support

[triplethreat]

I turned 24 a few weeks ago. Usually I make a big deal about my birthday and plan something with my friends, but this year was different. It was my first birthday, first valentines day, first new years, first christmas and thanksgiving without my stepfather. He died of cancer in june, I took care of him. He was more than a father to me- he was a superhero.

When I was 12 my mother was diagnosed with cancer- he married her 5 days later and promised to take care of her, my brother, and myself no matter what happened.

She died when I was 17, a few months before I graduated high school.

I continued to drink and take pills to deal with my pain. I created a lot of art work as well.

I also now realize I began submitting myself to unhealthy relationships, in search of love that the other could never give me.

Two years later the homicide department knocked on my door. These officers sat me down to tell me my real father had killed himself. My heart shattered. He had been unemployed and battled with his own depression and money problems. I'm not sure I ever really dealt with this loss. until now at least.

Over the summer, when I became a caretaker for my sick stepfather, I prayed to my dead loved ones, for strength to get through another day. It was so taxing. so stressful and unusual for me.

After he died, my whole turned upside down. Not only was I taking on -all at once- a whole swarm of responsibility i never had- to pay bills and watch over myself...

A few months of living in my childhood home- my aunt, the homeowner- essentially kicked me out. Told me they were going to sell my house this spring and my drunk uncle was coming over everyday to tear apart the floors and paint.

I had to move. and I did.

I've lost my health insurance recently. another obstacle for me. The executor of my stepfather's will has shown her true colors- and made it clear that she is neither a good person or a part of my family any longer.

I'm not sure where to get the help I need, within the low budget i have.

I need support-from real people.

[kayc]

I am so sorry you are going through this. You were all so fortunate to have had your stepfather in your lives, I'm sure you more than realize that. Is there someplace you can report your Stepdad's executor, since she's not doing what she's supposed to? You know, I'm sure, that drink never solved anything. Try to continue taking care of yourself the best that you can and do what feels positive for you, like your painting. You should be able to go on line and apply for the Obama-care health plans as they're available. I've heard the application process isn't fun or easy, but if you're low income, you should qualify. Apply for food stamps too. In Oregon we have a free HMO but if you qualify, it's decided by lottery so not everyone gets it. Doesn't make much sense to me but it's how it is. Massachusetts has health care for low income people I think.

I know the allure of entering a relationship just to fill a void, but finally learned that I must learn to be happy "just me" or I'm not ready to be in a relationship...in the process I discovered I'm okay just being on my own and have no desire to find someone...but then I'm way older than you, I understand at your age wanting to have someone in your life. I guess all you can do is put yourself out there where you can meet someone, but first write down the qualities you are looking for in someone and don't settle for anything less.

[triplethreat]

I am so sorry you are going through this. You were all so fortunate to have had your stepfather in your lives, I'm sure you more than realize that. Is there someplace you can report your Stepdad's executor, since she's not doing what she's supposed to? You know, I'm sure, that drink never solved anything. Try to continue taking care of yourself the best that you can and do what feels positive for you, like your painting. You should be able to go on line and apply for the Obama-care health plans as they're available. I've heard the application process isn't fun or easy, but if you're low income, you should qualify. Apply for food stamps too. In Oregon we have a free HMO but if you qualify, it's decided by lottery so not everyone gets it. Doesn't make much sense to me but it's how it is. Massachusetts has health care for low income people I think.

I know the allure of entering a relationship just to fill a void, but finally learned that I must learn to be happy "just me" or I'm not ready to be in a relationship...in the process I discovered I'm okay just being on my own and have no desire to find someone...but then I'm way older than you, I understand at your age wanting to have someone in your life. I guess all you can do is put yourself out there where you can meet someone, but first write down the qualities you are looking for in someone and don't settle for anything less."

Thank you for your kind words!! The problem is- she is doing other business (involving real estate and who knows what)with the same lawyer who is handling the estate- and if I decided to take legal action against her- then I would be loosing everything I inherited on lawyer bills- to not really gain anything. I Could have also gone that route with being kicked out of my house- I could have held the sale up in court for years- but I would have just prolonged moving to an apartment and wasted all my savings.

I've only recently realized that not only have I used drugs and alcohol as coping mechanisms...but also sex and love. and that I have been a part of many unhealthy relationships. And that I can't continue filling the void with these things, because it is getting me no where.

I received government benefits like medicaid and foodstamps for years- but I inherited assets that make me no longer eligable.

I have been looking into affordable health care, but it is hard to get all the documents together while I'm in school and working.

Again, thank yoou!

[kayc]

I wouldn't think you'd be ineligible until you actually RECEIVE the assets. Have you talked to them about it? In the end, even if you get nothing, you will be no worse off...it is what we can do for ourselves that is most important. I have never inherited anything from anyone and have been swindled, but I am still standing and you will too. There are laws governing how we settle estates and if she breaks those laws,she is welcome to the consequences that come with it.

I understand how little time you have with working and going to school, but keep your focus there and you can't go wrong. My son is in school full time and is so busy, he only gets about three hours sleep a night, but the pay off will come, it's imperative nowadays to have education. Gone is the world where you could do without it!

[Aquarius7]

I am so sorry. I agree with what others have said. You need to get healthy and away from the negative influences. Don't rely on people to make you happy!

[Guest]

I'm so sorry triplethreat. I can't imagine the emptiness that you must feel. After helping with my mom and my mother-in-laws final weeks of life I felt really drained, even though much of the time was spent resting by their sides, watching tv and reading while they slept. Exhaustion left me when I began walking and working out a little each day. Eating better helped too. My vitamins were depleted I'm sure. So I drank a lot of water, took walks, prayed a lot, and thanked God for giving me the opportunity to be there for someone in need of love, and that I was able to give it. It took me a good 6 months to begin and another 3 months to feel better physically. I hope that you are taking good and gentle care of yourself just like you did for your step-dad.

In Texas we have free legal assistance for those that qualify. It sounds like you do, as you are a student. You can start by calling your district attorney's office and they can lead you to free legal assistance. All lawyers must participate in pro-bono(free) work for the poor. If that fails, find one of those that give you a free first visit, most do, and they can hear what's going on and decide if they want to help you and discuss fees. Some go as low as 10% of what they recover, others go 33% of what they recover, and still others will just ask for a straight up fee plus court costs. Knowledge is power. Each one will give you advice for free on where you are stuck and where you have some leeway. I wish you well with this matter. My daughter-in-law was stuck in probate court for over 5 years but eventually the other party just gave up. If you've already surrendered your rights and assets, I'd still go and ask an attorney. Sometimes there is recourse. But don't let it stress you out. It is, after all, just money. And as you know, it does not define you, nor is it more important than love and life.

Is it possible that the executor is holding back funds and assets because she thinks you will waste them on drugs and alcohol? If so, work on that too. What you might see as a weekend escape she may see as an abusive addiction. Clear that air and you may see great rewards. Maybe the school's medical office can assist you. healthcare.gov should also be a good resource. The food stamp/welfare offices should surely point you to the right applications. It's tedious I'm sure, but healthcare is very helpful when you need to seek counseling. I see a counselor weekly and attend group grief meetings as well. Nothing has been as helpful as these folks are.

I know I'm probably sounding like a bunch of advice where advice might not be needed nor wanted, but I had a few thoughts to share.

I will pray for you though, right now. As I can hear the pain in your post. It's something we all seem to have in common here, unfortunately.