I lost my fiance, Adam, suddenly on September 7th. Adam told me when we began dating that he had pulmonary hypertension. He explained this condition and told me that he was taking medication to fix it and he would live a healthy life. I trusted him, saw that he took his pills religiously, knew that he had regular appointments with a specialists, never showed any signs of complications, and was always full of energy and enthusiasm for life. I truly believed we had a long future together and his conditions was under control.
On Wednesday, September 4th, he had two syncope episodes in which he lost consciousness, turned blue, and became very rigid. I called 911, he came to before the paramedics arrived and insisted he was fine. I told him I was worried and he agreed to go to the hospital. The doctors were informed of his conditions and his recent episodes. They performed a few tests, reviewed his medical records from his cardiologist, and released him stating he was dehydrated and needed to increase his fluid intake.
The next day, I left several messages for Adam's cardiologist because I was still worried. About noon, Adam had a very minor syncope episode and did not turn blue this time. I begged him to go to the hospital, but he said he wanted to wait to hear from the cardiologist. Finally, the office returned my call and told us the episodes sounded neurological. We were told to go to the Emergency Room and get a head CT. We waited for 7 hours in the waiting room and another 4 hours for Adam to get a head CT and a neurological consult. The doctors determined Adam was having seizures and wanted to start him on seizure medication. He was discharged from the hospital again.
Friday, September 5th started out like the perfect day. We had breakfast together, watched movies on the couch, talked, I made dinner, and we both fell asleep watching TV. About 10:30pm, Adam asked if I was ready for bed. He stood up and headed into the bedroom when I heard him fall. He had three syncope episodes in a row. In between each one, he gained consciousness and said he was fine and didn't need to go to the hospital. I still called the paramedics. After his third episode, everything stopped. He wasn't breathing, and I administered CPR until the paramedics arrived.
Adam was transported to the hospital and remained in critical condition through Saturday afternoon. His heart was failing. About 4:30 on Saturday, he coded. They worked on him for 90 minutes and then put him on heart/lung bypass. I was able to see him after that, and it was clear his body wasn't accepting the blood. Blood was coming out of his toes and eyes. There was also no sign of neurological activity. His family decided to take him off of life support.
This whole situation has left me with so many questions. Why was he released from the hospital two times when his heart was failing? Why did his cardiologist, who knew his medical history, treat these syncope episodes like they were seizures? If he received treatment on Wednesday, could he have survived? Was there anything else I could have done for him? He was the most precious man in the world, why didn't the doctors take care of him? Did Adam know how severe his condition was or did it drastically decline in the last few days? I know I will never have the answers to these questions and the answers won't change anything, but I go over them each day.
Ever since his death, I have constantly relived Adam's last few days. I always see him having an episode and turning blue, or laying lifeless on my floor as I administer CPR, or laying in the hospital bed with blood coming from his toes and eyes. Even when I think of good memories, I always come back to these traumatic ones. I was recently diagnosed with PTSD. I am beginning trauma therapy this week and have been warned it is very intense. Does anyone have experience with trauma therapy?
I really need help. I have not met anyone who has lost someone so young (he was only 29). I feel like I am not only mourning him, but also saying goodbye to our future, the wedding we planned for June 28, and the children we were so excited to have. I didn't know everyday could be so hard or that this kind of pain was possible. In my heart, I know that Adam and I were meant to be together and none of this seems right. I have watched as our friends and family return to their normal lives, but still mourn for him. That is not possible for me. He was my normal and a part of every aspect of my life. I don't know how to function without him. He was such a good man and it breaks my heart to know that he will never have all of the amazing things we planned together. I don't know what to do. Please help!