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Please Help! Sudden Death Of Fiance And Now Ptsd

33 posts in this topic

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I am sorry you are dealing with such a coldhearted oaf as this. If they had any heart in them at all, they would have responded with understanding. They are greedy and wouldn't care about you no matter how you responded. They are trying to shift the blame to YOU, which shows their intentions. I don't know if you have a legal standing or not, but if you do have an attorney, I'd certainly bring it up. It depends on how much your loss would be with the dress vs. how much an attorney would cost.

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Checking in to see how you are doing, Ms Snowflake. I remembered from a long while back that when I was reading articles that I had bookmarked this one by our grief courselor moderator, Marty, and it reminded me of your dreams for a future with Adam that are now gone. The link is here: under "Death-of-a-spouse-or-partner":

"Disenfranchised Grief: Mourning the Loss of a Dream"

I know that you are very busy with school and I really hope that you have found some time to just be with your grief. Anne

Thank you for this article. I have been thinking about doing this for awhile and it has inspired me: "You might consider writing a letter to this man, telling him everything you need to say to him. Whether he can “read” what you write is not the point – the objective here is to get down on paper whatever thoughts and feelings you have about all of this, to get it out of your mind and heart and onto paper (or your computer screen) so you no longer have to carry all of it around inside of you. That in itself can be very healing. You might also try to have this man write a letter back to you."

Fae and KayC, I am done dealing with this man and his company. The boutique was informed of the situation and had time to cancel the order but chose to ignore the situation until it was too late. My uncle is a lawyer with a very strong reputation. He was the former Director of Public Service for our city and is now a private consultant. He is now handling this matter and after reading the owner's last email, my uncle is livid.

I guess dealing with all of this wedding drama has helped me redirect my anger at Adam to the vendors who are being heartless or ignoring me. I am just afraid once this is all settled that all of that anger is going to come rushing back at me. I hate it and don't know how to get rid of it. I have been constantly praying about it but I still come back to the fact that Adam knew how bad his condition was before he proposed, he lied to me about it, and refused medical treatment that could have saved his life.

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My dear Ms.SnowFlake,

I think Adam loved you so much that he was hoping your love could heal his heart. I know Doug hoped my love cold heal his cancer. I wish it could have done so. I think we get to help heal their spirits, though, and take away some of the fear of leaving, because they know they get to take the love with them. *<twinkles>*

I think anger is a natural and healthy emotion, and it often imprints on our minds important messages. Your anger is so mixed with grief, feeling betrayed, feeling lost, losing your future — mixed up entirely with everything that has happened—that you are just a hurricane of emotional energy.

I am so glad to hear about your uncle being there to help you. I hope your parish is rallying around you as well. No one has the right to treat another human the way you have been treated by that company. No compassion at all. Be sure you let everyone you know what ilk of people they are to deal with when one is bereft and grieving.

I am so very sorry for all that you are journeying through right now. I know how hard it can be. Please come here often and let us know how you are doing.

Adam loved you. No matter what else happened, I know you would not have been marrying this man if there was not love between you. We may never know Adam's reasons, or his hopes, or his fears, but I think we do know he loved you.

Blessings,

*<twinkles>*

fae

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I know my own George used lapse of judgment but there is no doubt in my mind that he always kept me foremost in his mind and heart and everything he did, he did with me in mind. I am sure your fiance was the same. Sometimes what we go through is of such magnatude that it's hard to face, acknowledge, and deal with...hence, denial. I have tried to extend the same grace to my George as he would have with me.

Anger is often a force that fuels change or enables us to deal with something we would otherwise have a difficult time dealing with.

I am so glad you have a relative that is an attorney to be reckoned with!

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My parish/school community has been fantastic. Many of the students and most of the staff came to Adam's wake. The entire school was closed the day of his funeral so that staff, students, and parents could attend. Each student made me a prayer card or craft and the staff and parishioners have given me meals, gift cards, and have had many Masses said for Adam. Since I have returned to work, I can feel their support and love. I am very blessed to be a part of such a wonderful community.

We have parent teacher conferences on November 7th. It will be the two month anniversary of his death. On the one month anniversary, I was not able to get out of bed. I feel like I relived the entire day of his death all over again. I couldn't stop screaming or crying. I don't know how I am going to be for the two month anniversary. Leading a parent teacher conference is difficult enough, I am worried that one of my PTSD episodes will occur in front of the parents. I have started EMDR, but it is still too early to see results.

I know Adam loved me unconditionally and he constantly thought of me and put me first. His words and actions showed me how much he loved me. In my heart, I know he made every decision based on what he thought was best for me. He probably downplayed his condition so that I didn't worry. I wonder if he wanted to wait until after the wedding to get the pacemaker. One of the reasons I loved him so much was because he was so protective and thoughtful when it came to me. I just wish he was as protective of his own health.

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What wonderful support you have, dear Ms Snowflake. So often our communities are so supportive to us. I am so glad that you have a caring support group near you.

My suggestion about Parent/Teacher night is to have your Principal take care of the conferences this time and if anyone needs to meet with you you could do it on a one-on-one basis. I lost a very dear teacher friend years ago and she was not able to be there for Parent/Teacher conferences one quarter and everyone was so understanding. Deep down, people really are so loving.

I believe everything you say about your Adam. I think he was just thinking about you and not at all thinking about any consequences about delaying his own health needs. I hope you have had a chance to read the last link Marty sent you. Anger is very normal in grieving. I have always thought of it as just a deep sadness that will always be there because I miss my Jim so much. It is ok to be sad. Anne

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That is a good idea, Anne. Two months out really is not that much time, we shouldn't expect too much for ourselves...I know I tended to push myself, in retrospect I wish I'd been more understanding of myself.

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