enna Posted June 24, 2016 Report Share Posted June 24, 2016 Oh yes, Marita, baby steps for sure. It has taken me over four years to begin mindfulness. I am where I am because of taking in the valuable information that is right here on our forum. We have had many wise people here who have contributed to the "tools" we can apply to our grief work. It is so important to do what feels right to you. We are here for you. Anne 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Widowedbysuicide Posted June 24, 2016 Report Share Posted June 24, 2016 (edited) Thank you so much nice (once) again Marty. i am operating in the fog again. Some days are so much worse than others. Thanks for the information, I've done some reading this morning and hope is with me today. Marita Edited June 24, 2016 by Widowedbysuicide Typo 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted June 24, 2016 Author Report Share Posted June 24, 2016 That fog is normal, Marita. Some have dubbed it "widow brain" or "grief brain." (If you Google those terms, you'll see what I mean.) I know it's hard to concentrate, much less to remember what you've just read, and reading can be a challenge. Just know that it's okay to slow down and do what you can. Don't try to eat the entire elephant all in one sitting ~ because you will choke and it will make you sick! The good thing about reading is that you can "dose" yourself with it. Read when you're in the mood, and when you've had enough for a while, you can put it down and walk away. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clematis Posted June 24, 2016 Report Share Posted June 24, 2016 On June 18, 2016 at 6:42 AM, kayc said: Informative article. I disagree with the statement, however, that Christians believe God causes or allows everything to happen for a purpose. I don't believe that. I believe sometimes that is the case, but sometimes things just happen. I believe this as well. When my dad was alive, I always told him that, naturally I wanted him to live as long as he possibly could-while still having a decent quality of life. Neither of us knew or got to decide what would happen or when. I figured it would just happen-when it did. I told him that part of my goal was to keep something really stupid (and preventable) from happening. He used to have tons of papers and magazines on the floor around the chair where he always sat. I boxed him into getting a housekeeper and worked with her to keep all these magazines away from his chair, because he had a LOT of slide-into-a-fall mishaps due to the magazines. To me, it would have been really dumb to bleed to death from a head injury gotten from sliding in a pile of magazines. THAT I thought I could-and did-prevent. But why he died at the age of 88 and not 93...who knows? It's just the way it happened. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted June 25, 2016 Report Share Posted June 25, 2016 The same is true for my mom, why did she suffer to 92 instead of going at 88? It would have been way easier for her to have forgone those last four years, but we don't get a say so, and it happens however it does. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clematis Posted June 25, 2016 Report Share Posted June 25, 2016 I think you're right, Kay. My dad and I both thought he was going to live another five years, but it's probably merciful that he didn't. Going through his stuff after his passing has been an interesting experience, and I realize more and more how much he had declined and how much he was not able to work his way through on a cognitive level. He was really faking a lot better off than he was and deferring to me. I think this went so smoothly that I was not aware of it, and maybe he wasn't either-it's hard to tell if he deferred to me consciously or deliberately. Probably the former, most of the time. But I think if he had lived another five years it would have been a mess. Not that I don't miss him horribly, because I do. I just didn't realize that I was losing him gradually all along. Just this afternoon a neighbor was helping me go through some of his things, and I ran across some things that made me just sigh in some sadness. I found a grocery shopping list that was very organized and included things like pretzels, which he used to love but could not eat at the end because they would make him choke due to the swallowing problems related to Parkinson's. But there is the list, tucked in a book...pretzels-check! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clematis Posted June 25, 2016 Report Share Posted June 25, 2016 My poor dad-unable to eat pretzels anymore and he didn't even say anything about it I think he was really struggling with a lot more than I ever knew. I wish he had told me, but I guess he would have told me if he wanted me to know Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted June 26, 2016 Report Share Posted June 26, 2016 An article worth reading ~ Sometimes you have to sit with your feelings- like a child who fell in a mud puddle and just can’t get up because of shock or discomfort, or maybe because their boots are just plain stuck. Some days falling into grief is just like that, like tripping and falling into a mud puddle that you just didn’t see in the path. Everything can be fine and dandy, strolling down the path, gazing at the clouds, feeling the breeze, breathing in the day. And then there it is, grief settles over your heart, uninvited and unexpected, yet so much a part of who you are that you have no choice but to greet it. You pull up a chair and sit. Today I had to sit in it. I’m still sitting in it.... read more here. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted July 5, 2016 Report Share Posted July 5, 2016 Death, Grief, and Shattered Assumptions “Some people’s lives seem to flow in a narrative; mine had many stops and starts. That’s what trauma does. It interrupts the plot. You can’t process it because it doesn’t fit with what came before or what comes afterwards.” ― Jessica Stern You never think the worst will happen to you, and then one day it does. One day – in the time it takes for a doctor to utter the words ‘terminal cancer’, or for a driver to look down to find their phone, or for an artery to stop sending blood to the brain, or for a police officer to sharply knock on your front door – your life comes to an earth-shattering halt...read more http://www.whatsyourgrief.com/shattered-assumptions/ 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Widowedbysuicide Posted July 5, 2016 Report Share Posted July 5, 2016 amazing info. thanks for sharing this link. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted July 7, 2016 Report Share Posted July 7, 2016 removed this - testing to see if that corrects the problem! 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted July 8, 2016 Report Share Posted July 8, 2016 Very good, Anne! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted July 8, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 8, 2016 This comes to us from author, end-of-life advisor and counselor Terri Daniel: Terri Daniel July 8 at 10:33am Hello all! Here is a little gift from the Afterlife Conference (which is coming to Portland, June 1-4, 2017): We've had many interesting discussions in our Facebook group lately about after-death communication, so I want to share this wonderful tool for fine-tuning your intuitive listening skills: Ten Tips for After-Death Communication This process really works. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clematis Posted July 9, 2016 Report Share Posted July 9, 2016 I don't seem to be able to click on these links to articles anymore to read the articles...I can't figure out what's wrong Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted July 9, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 9, 2016 I don't know either, Laura. Links are working fine for me. Have you tried clearing your cache, and / or re-booting your computer? Please let me know if the problem continues . . . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted July 9, 2016 Report Share Posted July 9, 2016 They're working for me too. Try a different browser or emptying your cache like Marty suggested (or rebooting) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Widowedbysuicide Posted July 10, 2016 Report Share Posted July 10, 2016 The links worked for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clematis Posted July 11, 2016 Report Share Posted July 11, 2016 They seem to be working again... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted July 11, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 11, 2016 My thanks to all of you for letting me know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted July 11, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 11, 2016 In light of all that happened in our country last week, I find this piece comforting: Finding Sanctuary: There is an instinct that washes over me whenever something horrible or disappointing happens. I feel the urge to run to a place set apart from the rest of the world, a place where I can be warmed, curled up to meet my core and surrounded by that which brings me back to my own in breath and out breath. Back to the sound of breathing and the sensation of being surrounded, and nothing else. Read on here >>> 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted July 12, 2016 Report Share Posted July 12, 2016 test Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted July 12, 2016 Report Share Posted July 12, 2016 Okay. If this works ~ it's a miracle! I did nothing on my end. I think it's working now. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted July 12, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 12, 2016 Must've been gremlins, Anne! Yay! (Have you tried to post an article yet?) 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted July 12, 2016 Report Share Posted July 12, 2016 "Gremlins" yes Marty. I'm testing to see if my post goes through. The Moments that Matter: Looking at life in hindsight ~ July 12th from WYG (What's Your Grief) http://www.whatsyourgrief.com/moments-that-matter/ 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Widowedbysuicide Posted July 13, 2016 Report Share Posted July 13, 2016 The link worked for me. Interesting topic. I am estranged, by choice, from my maternal unit. She was very jealous of my relationship with my father. As an only child I was a disappointment to her, in every way and she reminded me about it often. When she and my Old Dad divorced after 50 yrs. she became more vindictive and tried to turn my son and husband against both my Dad and I. Dad has been gone 13 years now, he was 91 when he passed. I miss him dearly. My maternal unit was 91 last November. She always criticized my dad and belittled him, telling everyone that would listen that he was faking his health problems. Lucky her, cause now she gets to feel what he felt with worn out body parts, deafness, and low energy. I have not seen or spoken to her in 3 years. I don't wish her any illness or injury but I can't say I'm sorry for her to learn some empathy. enough of my rant Each day I try to be a good person, some days I'm more successful than others. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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