Feel So Lost....

[Daughter2010]

I have been trying to make sense of things for the last 4 years.

I don't know where to begin.

My dad passed away 4 and 1/2 yrs ago to cancer. He was 58 yrs old. I'm the oldest of my siblings. We are trying to move on and continue with life or trying to at least.

Decisions decisions, so many decisions.

Each one of us are coping differently, trying to move forward. Life is meant to be enjoyed, to be lived to the fullest, and I feel broken, so broken.

I'm overwhelmed with what the future will bring. Business decisions, family decisions, career decisions, love decisions.

Sometimes I think, ,my dad would know what to do. How did he manage to move forward after losing his parents at such an early age?

As I write these words, I don't know what tomorrow will bring, or the day after. I have always been a rational thinker and I cant come up with the right way to go about the decisions I will need to make sooner or later.

Do you ever feel lost? I need to have that sense of direction and I don't have it now.

Thinking about making these decisions makes me anxious, its a situation I haven't experienced before. All I can do right now is cry, and write. The thing with decisions is I want to make the right one, and trying to make everyone happy in the process.

This is the first time I feel like this. Lost.

Where do I begin?

I know each situation is unique, but I was wondering how have you dealt with situations that cause so much anxiety?

Thanks,

-L

[kayc]

Hi, I am sorry for the loss of your dad. I lost my own dad when I was 29 and pregnant with my first child, so that my dad didn't get to be a grandpa to my kids. My life wasn't as entwined with my dad so much at the time because I lived away and was married, but I loved him very much and was always a Daddy's girl. The hole that leaves in one's heart and life...

Knowing that you are an adult in your own right and having the confidence that you will make good decisions for yourself is your dad's legacy to you. You may not feel it at first, but you can let yourself know it because your dad prepared you to be an adult on your own so that you needn't fear making decisions apart from him. I can relate in part to this because how you are feeling is more how I was feeling when my husband died nine years ago. I often felt overwhelmed and didn't know where to start. Over the years, though, I have dealt with job loss, and faced making heavy decisions, and I've done my best with them. Maybe not always perfectly, hindsight is clearer, but still, I am very proud of my self for all that I have dealt with and handled, and I know he would be proud of me too. You can feel the same way. Make sure you give yourself credit and a pat on the back for each and every decision and action you've taken. In time it will build your confidence.

You speak of anxiety, that is something I am familiar with too, having had GAD all my life. I have chosen to get professional help for mine and am on medication to help me be at a more normal place, a place where most other people start from. In addition, a lot of us on this site practice prayer and meditation, it has a calming, assuring effect, and I hope you will consider trying it.

The finding direction is something I think is more difficult to achieve, but you start with exploring what interests you, what brings you passion, what is it you are all about? Once you've found that, it falls into place a little more easily. For many that can be a cause, or just anything that you have an interest in. It can be your job, a hobby, something you volunteer your time for. It can be exciting exploring the options before you, but to find it, listen carefully to your own heart.

[MartyT]

I agree with all that Kay has said, my dear.

When you are faced with an important decision, It seems to me that "trying to make everyone happy in the process" is an impossible task. At some point you must decide what is best for you and be okay with putting yourself first. If you're not happy, no one around you will be happy either.

As you search for "the right way to go about making decisions," I am reminded of something a wise man once said to me when I was faced with a decision that I knew carried far-reaching consequences for me and my family, no matter which way I chose to go. He said, "There are no right or wrong decisions. What matters is your attitude about the decision. Once you make a choice, make it your business to do everything you possibly can to make it be the right decision." There is a great deal of power in that statement; I will never forget it and the difference it has made for me in my life.

Although this piece deals specifically with the topic of moving, you may find it helpful: To Move or Not: Making Decisions In The Wake of Grief

See also:

Anxiety Attacks in Grief: Tools for Coping

Transition After Loss: Tips for Navigating The Neutral Zone

[Daughter2010]

KayC and Marty,

Thank you both so much for those words of wisdom!! I will meditate and reflect on your advise. I have many thoughts and ideas of what I would like to do but like everything, it requires exploring and time for ideas to mature. In my moment of crisis I felt like a rug was pulled from under me and I didn't know what foundation remained there metaphorically speaking.

Thank you so much again!

-L

[kayc]

You will know, listen to your heart and let what is inside guide you.