Sleep

[mfh]

http://www.alternet.org/story/154424/the_8-hour_sleep_myth%3A_how_i_learned_that_everything_i_knew_about_sleep_was_wrong?paging=off&current_page=1#bookmark

An interesting and helpful piece on sleep for those who prowl around at night desperate for sleep.

Getting adequate sleep is so important as we grieve. Grief is exhausting and stressful and sleep heals our bodies especially our brains.

[enna]

Thank you, Mary, for the link on sleep.

The sleep article is interesting. There are so many theories about sleep today. I can remember going to bed and falling asleep immediately and not waking up until morning. While caring for Jim I fell in bed exhausted only to awake two or three times during the night to tend to him. The first year after Jim died I slept day and night. I can remember going to bed at three in the afternoon and sleeping until morning. Today I find myself getting up at least two times during the night. I just wake up. I move around the house and sometimes I find myself sitting in the den wondering ~ is this all there is? It is so hard to be alone at night.

I have found that when it is bedtime I go, usually at a set time, and do not have any lights on nor do I play any electronic. I keep all electronics out of my room. If I do wake up I find myself in the den turning on the computer and checking FB or the forum or I usually pin for a while. Pinning is comforting to me. After 20 minutes I go back to bed and sleep until morning.

One very important thing I have discovered is that if you are on a computer or sitting for long periods of time during the day and you do not move around you will need to use the bathroom a few times during the night. Sometimes fluid collects in your ankles or feet and once you go to bed that fluid makes its way to the kidneys and it’s a bathroom call. This is normal. The trick is not to stay up ~ go right back to bed. I have heard that seven hours of sleep for women is good and eight hours for men. If I have had a sleepless night I always take a long nap early in the day.

I do this because I am retired and in my seventh decade. When I was working I was always tired but slept like a baby.

[mfh]

Yes, Anne, I know those nights of interrupted sleep in caregiving days. I do see some of your posts made in the middle of the night...which means both of us are up.

And yes, I am a nap person also....I am glad you found the piece interesting, as did I. Sleep is such a huge issue and need in grief.

[JeL]

Sleep is a magic elixir....I now function on ~6 hrs/night and I have decent mental clarity, I re-charge with at least 9 hrs on the weekend.

Before Fred got sick, I routinely slept 8+ hrs/night. I sleep less & lighter now; many days at pre-dawn I work through a problem, a grief issue, a household fix-it, a solution for a challenging patient at work....it seems to be my new problem solving time of day....before I'm fully awake. I welcome that my brain works while my body rests. It doesn't feel imbalanced, curiously. It feels right for now.

Jo

[little bird]

I have the opposite problem.  My husband died six months ago and all I do is sleep. Ten to twelve hours at night and then back to bed for a long nap around 3pm. What is wrong with me? 

[hollowheart]

When my sister passed away about 3 months ago, I found that's all I wanted to do was sleep, sleep, sleep. If I could have I would have slept all day. I think most of it was because when I was asleep I wasn't thinking about my grief and my loss. Staying in that state of "unconsciousness"  was fine with me.

little bird, like someone said up thread, grief does make you exhausted. You are mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausted on every level and you are also out of your routine. If there are periods of the day empty that used to involve your husband then that boredom can make you tired.  I find myself sleeping because there is nothing else to do or nothing else I can concentrate on.

[kayc]

little bird,

Welcome here, although I am sorry for the reason.  Six months is still pretty new to this grief journey, and you are still processing his death.  Different people handle things differently, some want to sleep all the time to avoid reality, and others are unable to sleep because of the anxiety, we just all handle it differently.    Maybe try to make yourself do something every day, no matter how small, and try to get out around people at least once a week.

[little bird]

I am so grateful to be able to communicate with people who know the nature of grief from personal experience.  Both the response from hollowheart and the one from kayc brought me solace because you totally get it.  Truthfully, down deep I believe that I'm completely exhausted and that I'm  escaping from life right now by sleeping all the time.  I know I need to do at least one small thing each day, but I haven't been able to manage it so far.  I think I needed to hear that others have felt like sleeping all the time so I could know I'm not alone in that behavior.  Feeling alone and feeling like I'm doing this grieving thing wrong because I'm lazy or weak ... those two thoughts/emotions have been really hard on me. Thank you for your feedback.  It's immensely helpful. 

[kayc]

There isn't a wrong way to grieve, only YOUR way.  Granted, we can do things that hurt rather than help us in our journey (like drinking, which is a depressant, NOT what we need!), but most of us find our own way.  One of the good things about being able to share with others going through this is knowing you are not crazy!  Learning what is normal in grief is very helpful.

And it's not being lazy or weak, you've taken the hardest hit one can have, it's going to take a lot of time and effort to process this grief and work your way through it.

By doing one thing a day, I mean a load of laundry, the dishes, or paying bills, nothing big.  Making the effort to get out will help your mindset, even a walk a day will help your brain think more clearly and help you feel better.

[enna]

This is an excellent resource from Marty on her Grief Healing Blog that helped me when I struggled either with too much or too little sleep. I found that it was very common to have sleep disturbances in my early grief. 

http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2010/11/tips-for-coping-with-sleeplessness-in.html#at_pco=cfd-1.0&at_ab=-&at_pos=2&at_tot=5&at_si=56850ce2552ff911 

[kayc]

All very good tips!  I would add one thing to the list:

If you find yourself having a hard time sleeping because you are thinking about your loss, try scheduling a time during the day for your grief and when it's bedtime, tell yourself you will grieve tomorrow at the appointed time.  The same is true for people who can't stop thinking about their business...speak your ideas into a tape recorder and then let go of it, I had a boss that did that and it helped him let go of his thoughts and sleep.