Is It Just Me?

[Donnacas]

Does anyone else struggle when people complain about their spouses? About little things they do that annoy them? I just want to say,"stop sweating the small stuff. Be happy that you have them!"

Of couse, I don't, because people don't want to hear that, it seems like you're dismissing their issues, and no one gets it unless they experience a loss. But it's awfully hard to listen to someone complain that their spouse doesn't take them out/agree with them about money/whatever the complaint may be and not say that I'd put up with almost any issue if I could just have mine back.

[feralfae]

Oh, goodness! I was just talking with some friends about that a week or so ago, about how hard it can be to try to listen sympathetically when a girlfriend complains about her husband, when I am missing mine so much. Sometimes I think it is a symptom of our culture. Doug and I always worked things out in private, and did not complain about each other to others. We found that to be not very loyal.

So, I find it especially tough to sit with sympathy when someone begins to grouse about their spouse. And I don't think they understand, so I just try to change the subject as quickly as possible. And I have gently commented, "Yes, but you do love him, and that is all that really counts."

Yes, it is difficult.

fae

[mfh]

Donna, That happened to me two weeks ago at my art circle. Three women complaining about their husbands. I chose to leave before I said something I would possibly regret but which frankly needed to be said. We learn on this journey that others will say things that in another circumstance might be considered normal chatter but we are sensitive to some of these and find it difficult to hear.

[LarrysGirl]

You want to say "appreciate and be thankful for your husband", I know. But I feel that those of us on this site KNOW we were blessed and lucky while they were alive, we appreciated them and loved them. Makes you wonder about other's relationships, sorry to say.

[feralfae]

^So true!

I hear men and women complaining about their Beloved spouses often, and it really hurts my heart. That is why I say what I do, because it is the most gentle, kind reminder I could think of to say.

Yes, it does make me wonder about those relationships.

I think it is a cultural hobby, like talking about the weather or crops. But it is painful to hear.

fae

[kayc]

I never believed in doing that, but with George I felt so blessed. I have a hard time tolerating someone complaining about their spouse when we'd give everything to have ours back! I know, not all marriages are the same and some maybe don't have much nice to say about theirs, but we're talking about ordinary normal marriages where it's really the small stuff and they should be able to overlook and forgive the little stuff.

[feralfae]

Kay, that is a wise and true statement. I think the saying is "don't sweat the small stuff" especially in marriage.