I Miss My Mom :(

[Tkat]

Hi there, I found this site last night and read for hours. My mom died 10 weeks ago in hospital. She hadn't been well for about 6 weeks prior and had been diagnosed with end stage liver disease. She was a functioning alchoholic for as long as I can remember. I'm an only child and knew she loved me very much, still our relationship was not an easy one as I had a lot of anger due to her alcohol abuse. The last 6 weeks , I was with her the majority of the time both at her home and when she was in hospital . Her doctors couldn't tell us how much time she had but once it became obvious she couldn't go home again , I believe she lost the will to live. Mom was only 75.

I was with her and holding her hand when she passed and earlier in the day before they started to administer the morphine I told her thank you and I that I loved her and I sat there all day with her crying my eyes out cause I knew in my heart what was coming. Around 6:30 pm , my husband and son came to visit and they had just left to go get food. There was mom, myself and her life long friend in the room and then she was gone.

My dad passed away suddenly 16 years ago when I was 24 and I grieved but don't remember this intense feeling of being alone even when I'm with family. I went back to work 2 weeks after her death and thought I was doing ok but out of nowhere I'm hit with these crying spells and waves of grief that hit me at 100 miles an hour. I think I'm just now processing the fact that she's really gone forever, the person who knew me from day one on this earth, loved me unconditionally and I could always turn to. My husband has been wonderful, I've been crying on his shoulder as well as alone and I'm amazed there are any tears left. I just feel so very sad, not all the time but definitely periods of everyday and night time is usually the worst . I know life goes on and I always knew alcohol would kill her eventually but it hurts to the very core of my soul right now . Thank you for listening, I'm so very glad I found this site.

[enna]

Dear Tkat,

I am so sorry for your loss. No matter what the circumstances are when we lose a parent it is still so hard.

How beautiful that you were able to be with your mother during those last hours and that you were able to thank her and express your love for her even though you had anger issues because of her alcohol abuse.

You mentioned that you didn’t remember having such an intense feeling of being alone after your father passed; remember you still had your mother with you. Now you are faced with the fact that both of your parents are gone. It is a feeling that those of us who have lost both parents know all too well. Those who brought us up and nurtured us throughout our lives are no longer here to do that. There is an emptiness and sadness that someone who brought us into this world is no longer here to continue that contact.

It is normal to be crying. You will do that a lot.

I am glad that you found this place. We listen. We support you in your deep grief. We understand about loss.

Our moderators will have links that you can go to read about the grief process and the effects of losing a parent.

Know that you will always have this safe place to come and express yourself.

Anne

[kayc]

Hi, I am so sorry for the loss of your mom. I lost my own mom just nine days ago. My dad passed over 32 years ago, when I was pregnant with my first child. He was an alcoholic so I can understand some of your feelings.

I think it's especially hard when we lost our last parent. I have older sisters so I do have someone who's known me my whole life, but I think it must be especially hard for you not having siblings. I'm glad you were able to be with her and spend time with her in the last part of your life. I was two hours away from my mom and visited when I could but she was in a care center so I wasn't able to stay with her all of the time.

I lost my husband over nine years ago so I am very familiar with the Tsunamis of grief. It can hit you any time out of the blue and catch you off guard. I hope those at work understand this and are supportive of you and what you are going through. Do not be afraid to "take a break" when needed, sometimes we just need to cry and hopefully those around us understand.

We're having her service a week from tomorrow...I'm not looking forward to it, I don't know how I'll handle it.

I hope you feel free to talk about your feelings with us...we've all been there, through one grief or another...and in many cases...many.

[mfh]

Dear Tkat,

I am so sorry for your loss. It is so difficult to lose our parents. I agree with Anne and Kay and would like to suggest that in addition to this being your only living family member, your relationship with her was compromised by her alcoholism which interfered with the two of you having a satisfying and fulfilling mother daughter relationship. So important shen you have no siblings. I think with a relationship compromised as it was our grief is also about what we never had with that person...regrets over what could have been were it not for her drinking and loss of any hope you had left that things would change. This is all a heavy load to carry and no immediate family who shared all that over the years. I am so sorry.

You came to a safe and caring place and I hope you will choose to return. We are here for and with you.

[Tkat]

Thank you all for your condolences. Today has been a better day, it's very much one hour at a time.

[kayc]

Yes, one day at a time...or hour. I don't yet know what's ahead for me...I'm not sure it's hit yet, I feel in a state of disbelief.

[mfh]

Kay, you have been on my mind and in my heart as the day of your mom's memorial service approaches. It takes time for us to wrap our brains around these huge losses. We are all with you this week.

How is the smoke?

[kayc]

Smoke is a little clearer. They have the fire 55% contained the last two days, am waiting for an update.