Mother Died

[Little Girl]

My mother died on Sunday (9-14-2014). I knew death was coming, even thinking about it, but never really expected it. I was in denial. Her journey to Heaven begin in March, 2014. Numerous trips to the hospital, nursing homes and then Hospice. I got the call from Hospice that my mother was taking her last breaths and to come. When I got there, her body was then but her soul had gone home. All the tears I had been holding back came out. I hugged her, but at the same time I wanted to run, run out of that room and to stay there with her. Part of me is happy that she is at peace because she (82) was so unhappy. She was an active woman most of her life, very independent and headstrong, and her not being able to go and do as she pleased, made her angry and depressed. I tried to make it easy for her, but without success. I tell myself she IS happy now and at peace.

[kayc]

Hi, I lost my mom 8/21, it's still hard to believe she's gone. I am sorry for your loss, I think with it being our mother, we're probably always going to feel the loss to some extent. Knowing my mom is finally at rest, made right, and happy is what helps me and I hope that thought brings you comfort as well.

[mfh]

I am so sorry for your loss. Not realizing that someone is dying is very common. We do not want to lose that person, of course, and our minds and feelings play tricks on us. It is very difficult to lose a parent...I think the message you are giving yourself is absolutely right on i.e. that she is happy now and at peace. You may wish to share more about your mom and even some pictures if you choose. We are here for and with you.

[enna]

At a time like this sometimes all we can do is say how very sorry we are for your loss ~ sending you {{{{hugs}}}}

Anne

[Little Girl]

Thank you for for your comments. When the pain becomes too much, I just say aloud, Mom I love you!

[Little Girl]

Today is a week when mom left. I am entering the shoulda, coulda, woulda phase. Maybe if I had not let her go to hospice and demanded continued treatment, but the doctor said it was not beneficial. Her organs had begun to shut down, plus she would not eat and mostly slept while still in the nursing home. Even before her final hospitalization, mom seemed to give up. After so many months of hospitals and nursing homes and me talking to seemed like millions of people, I was emotionally exhausted. I just wanted what was best for mom. I just wanted to be sure that I was making the right decision. I begged her not to give up. How naive I was thinking that she would come home after hospice. I read in another posting that God had a plan with mom, even if I didn't understand it and there was nothing that I could have done to change it.

[kayc]

I know, sometimes I wondered if I should have brought my mom home, but deep inside I know it wasn't feasible. I think you did the best you could for her, it's normal to second guess ourselves.