sharirouse Posted October 8, 2014 Report Share Posted October 8, 2014 Today is the one month mark since my dad has passed away and I feel like this has been the fastest yet the slowest month, if that makes sense. Im still feeling lost. Im pressed for time with school, which really helps but I remember that he wont be here for my 21st birthday on the 18th and that when I go home, I cant go to his house. Well, I can but he's not there. His ashes are there but its not him. I sometimes forget to talk to him daily and I feel guilty. People say that its possible and its a good idea to keep a relationship with them going but when I think about the fact that the only way I can talk to him is through my mind and I hate it. I miss him. I want him here and I still feel like I lost a body part. Ive come to realize its so much better that he's gone but I want my dad. I miss him so much and I feel bad. I keep wondering if he knew he was dying because one day he was fine and the next he was gone. I talk to him when I get upset and tell him to come with me places. I go to college in Albuquerque NM and the Balloon Fiesta is here this week and its beautiful. He loved hot air balloons and it hurt to realize he will never be able to see it again. At least on Earth. I can feel his love when Im desperate and hurting but I wish I could hear him talk back. His pillow and shirt that I have are starting to fade in scent and it upsets me. Do you guys talk to them? Does it help? I feel him in my heart but I want more lol. I tried to imagine the balloons taking off as me letting him go and be free but its still hard. Here are some of the balloons: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted October 8, 2014 Report Share Posted October 8, 2014 I am so sorry to learn of your loss. Losing a parent is so difficult. You asked about "talking to them". My dear husband died 4+ years ago and I talk to him every day. I find it comforting because I do believe he is with me in whatever way that is possible. None of us walking the earth know for certain the pieces of the mystery of life after life. I choose to believe he is with me and literally have no doubts about that. Another thing that might help you as it has helped me and many others is to write to your dad, share what is going on inside of you and in your life. I find that comforting especially on special days. I also suggest you consider writing what his response might be to your letters. Again more comfort. You are not alone...many here have lost a parent among other beloveds. As you read posts and return to post, you will find comfort and support and caring people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted October 8, 2014 Report Share Posted October 8, 2014 I talk to my husband all the time too. I think most of us do! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sharirouse Posted October 9, 2014 Author Report Share Posted October 9, 2014 I think I will write some letters to him and such because I blog and that helps with my general issues. Do you guys tell them about your day or have little convos? I ask him to go places with me and if something funny happens, Ill point things out to him or if Im on campus alone at night Ill ask that he walks with me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted October 9, 2014 Report Share Posted October 9, 2014 I write to Bill on occasion sharing my pain and fears, my good news and tough news....memories and plans. I talk to him when I miss him or feel sad or wa t to share a good thing that happens and well....even when I need a good parking place. ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted October 9, 2014 Report Share Posted October 9, 2014 We do all that! I share with George about everything, just as I did when he was alive. Sometimes I ask him to just put his arms around me and comfort me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sharirouse Posted October 12, 2014 Author Report Share Posted October 12, 2014 LOL i love the parking space thing! I ask my dad to help me find things if i really need them or if i cant do something. I think ill chit chat with him more and share my thoughts. i turn 21 this weekend and i know he will be laughing at me when i get tipsy lol and i think i need to talk to him like hes alive too! I feel like when i talk about memories, it brings him. and i ask him to comfort me when i lay in bed at night as that is when i get the most emotional and thats when i cry the most. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted October 12, 2014 Report Share Posted October 12, 2014 Dear sharirouse, First I wish you a happy 21st birthday. I know this is a big one for people. I also hope you will keep in mind when getting "tipsy" means taking in alcohol which is a depressant. It won't make you feel better. I am not one to be opposed to alcohol but mixing grief and alcohol is not such a great idea. Maybe put a lid on it after your second drink. Just a thought!! Celebrate your life and know you Dad is celebrating your life also...smiling down on you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sharirouse Posted October 15, 2014 Author Report Share Posted October 15, 2014 That makes sense and I was thinking about sticking to low alcohol content too because he passed due to liver cancer so I want to protect mine! Im actually not excited for my birthday because he wont be there but thank you for that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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