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Grief Coming Out In Weird Ways? Medication?


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Hi guys,

So I posted earlier about how I wont let myself grieve but I feel like my grief is oozing from me any freaking way it can! My mom thinks Im depressed which makes sense but Im not sure. Im going to talk to my doctor. I considered antidepressants but they scare me!

I have been laughing so hard lately, almost to the point of tears but it makes me want to actually cry. Its not tears of laughter or happiness or anything like that but tears of sadness. Tears of grief!

Im letting myself mourn, or so I think, and Im talking about it. We had an estate sale and I made myself clean out his closet which I though helped me. Of course its sad but I think going into it head first is good.

Also, I cannot stop eating. Im like a vacuum. I thought grief was supposed to make you lose weight? Why am I eating everything in sight? Almost to the point that it makes me feel like Im forcing myself to eat and it saddens me. Since Im a young female, being overweight kills me and I cant stop myself.

Lastly, I mentioned that I am turning 21 this weekend and I got a reply to my post saying that getting drunk isnt a good idea. But it was her opinion. But I agree. I am not excited about my birthday and I dont want to flip out if I get drunk. Not to mention, my dad died of liver cancer, and I dont want to damage mine.

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You've asked about eating, drinking and taking medication for grief. I hope the following information will help to answer your questions.

We know that in grief, some people lose their appetites completely; others find themselves craving food, perhaps as a way to comfort themselves. Whatever the reasons, changes in eating habits are typical in grief ~ but like everything else, it's different for everyone. Eating patterns usually return to normal levels at some point, and worrying about weight gain right now only adds to your anxiety. Still, since you are aware of your tendency to want to eat more than usual right now, you could try choosing only those foods and beverages that are healthy for you and avoid those loaded with sugar and calories.

Despite what your mother thinks, normal grief and clinical depression are not the same. This article may help you to see the difference, and be sure to read the Related Articles included at the base: Interview: Are We Medicating Normal Grief?

Finally, you may find this article helpful: Grief, Mindfulness and Alcohol

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I am glad you are considering carefully monitoring your alcohol intake. Alcohol will only make you feel worse and truly is not needed at all when you are already sad.

As for eating, another tool you can use in addition to Marty's wise advice ( if you are worried about gaining weight ) is to eat mindfully and the easiest way I know of to do that is to write down everything you eat. That gives you a moment to think before you eat and also provides you with information about what you are eating and where you can make changes. But frankly I agree with Marty that worrying about weight right now is only going to add to your anxiety. Consider changing what you eat as she suggested.

You might ask yourself if food is something that is comforting you or helping you stuff feelings down or both. Perhaps write down your feelings so you are aware of them. Walking into our pain helps us to heal.

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Having been someone who has had occasion to grieve several losses, I can honestly say you will want to do what makes you feel better...but not for the moment, but rather for the long term. Grief can make you lose weight if you don't feel like eating, but it can also make you gain weight if you do the "mindless eating" or try to fill your emotional needs with food. By "making yourself feel better in the long run", I mean, taking walks every day,eating healthy, drinking plenty of water, and trying to get enough sleep. You provide the stability for your body and eventually it should follow suit...that is, have a set bedtime, etc. If it does not, then see a doctor and get their advice.

There is a difference between grieving and depression, even though they may resemble each other. When you're grieving, it's natural to feel down and miss the person you lost, but true depression is something else and should be treated by a doctor. Grief itself is a normal response to an occurrence that is part of the cycle of life.

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How did your birthday weekend go? I hope you were able to find some enjoyment as turning 21 is a big deal :)

Like the others stated, I think loss of appetite and eating mindlessly are all symptoms of grief. I personally lose my appetite in high stress situations, but I have friends who grab the nearest pint of ice cream.. take all of this day by day.. it's so smart of you to be aware of everything going on.. I think being more aware of one's self will help you deal with your grief better and come out stronger on the other side of this..

take care and I hope you found some enjoyment on your birthday :)

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Yes, I hope you had a good birthday even with everything that's going on.

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Thanks guys! I had a good birthday, I wasnt super happy but it was nice and I enjoyed it. I only limit myself to one drink if I am to drink because I dont want to damage my liver and I have those thoughts in the back of my mind to drink when I get sad. I am definitely going to be writing my feelings and doing more active things to deal with my emotions rather than drinking and that article made a good point, it doesnt take the pain away, it just makes it more bearable and I do want the pain to go away but it wont and I am trying to really understand that. Itll dwindle but not completely fade. I also think that since I am walking into the pain and digging in will help me. As for the food, I think I will focus on healthy choices and I know I am trying to fill a void so that is definitely the problem.

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I've learned there is no way but straight through the grief, we can't circumvent it with busyness, drinking, shutting off emotions, etc., it's still waiting for us when we come to. :) We have to deal with the grief and that means experience the pain, shed the tears, do the grief work.

I'm glad your birthday went well and I think you're on the right track.

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To be honest, I am completely terrified that I am hiding from my grief and it will come and get me later lol I cry like I need to and Im getting ready to write about it but its taken some time to get myself to want to write because it hurts. Im definitely doing what I need to when it comes to me, like I cried in the drive thru at Taco Bell the other day lol.

Its good to know that we are forced to deal with it though because I hid from it the entire time my dad was sick and thank you! My mom is also on drink watch and shes not afraid to tell me to calm down :) Lets hope I stay on the right track!

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Awareness is the first step and you are aware! You're not running from your grief if you're crying through Taco Bell! :)

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Good! I prefer to not cry in public but whatever lol I let go when I am moved! Is it healthy to save the crying for later in the day or should I just let it go when the floodgates open?

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There are times you can't stop the tears no matter where you are or whether it's "convenient" (like at work). But when we get to the point where we can set aside a time for our tears, that can make it a little easier. I've heard of some people setting aside a period of time to grieve in a day (7:00 pm to 7:30 pm for instance). There's nothing wrong with either way you choose to handle it. One of the things that setting aside a time to grieve can do is free you up to go ahead and live in the rest of the day, if you've felt it all consuming. I don't know if everyone is successful at doing this as I never tried, but it makes sense!

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