needhelp23 Posted October 23, 2014 Report Share Posted October 23, 2014 Almost three short montha ago my boyfriends 3 Year old baby girl was hit by a car and it took her life instantly. Him and I have been in a relationship for two and a half years and I've helped and acted like a mother to her the whole time. I'm grieving the loss of her and also the unexpected loss of my father in february, I knew my boyfriend was not greiving properly but just four days ago we had a small normal relationship fight and he left me and our son we have together because he said he needed to deal with things alone. I understand he needs to grieve but im worried on the way he's doing it. He will not except help of any kind and makes me feel as if I've done something wrong. He says he doesn't know if he'll ever come back to our relationship. Says he still loves me and all but can't be with me but also doesnt want anyone else. I'm so confused. I do not want to move on amd not wait for him bur he's telling me to saying if he decides he needs me he'll call and see if I still want him He is a wonderful father to our son and also his other son who He has with the same woman as he did his daughter. Hes never acted like our relationship was bad or that he wanted out and its like he woke up and couldnt be here anymore. I don't know how to be there for him and he won't open up or show emotionalabout anything claiming he's numb. He's never been away from our son this amount of time and is just being all around a different person. I need to know how to help him. To continue trying to be there or pull away and move on so he can have his space as he asked. I do not mind to wait aside from the intense agony of dealing with both deaths then the loss of him but I cant wait around for forever and make my son suffer from my emotions to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted October 23, 2014 Report Share Posted October 23, 2014 There are a lot of posts in "Loss of Love" section where someone lost a parent or child and then broke up with their partner. They seem to not be able to deal with a relationship at the same time as they are grieving, it takes everything within them just to get through the day, they have no energy to expend on anything extra (emotional). I would think losing a child would be the worst thing a parent can face. Normally I'd advice to respect their space and their wishes, you can't change them. However, you have a child together and as such you'll need to still co-parent, communicate, etc. I highly recommend that you get grief counseling for both of you. It'll be important to learn how to help your children through their losses as well. Even though he's decided not to be in a relationship with you, you are both parents to your child so you cannot just sever all ties. I'm so sorry you're going through this. You are not only grieving the loss of this little girl, but also your relationship, your dreams, everything you knew. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted October 23, 2014 Report Share Posted October 23, 2014 My friend, I am so sorry to learn of the tragic death of this precious child. Please accept my heartfelt sympathy for your loss. While it's good to know that you've found your way to this warm and caring place, I think it's important for you to find additional support for the situation in which you find yourself. You need it and you certainly do deserve it. The grief you're experiencing is complicated by many additional factors, and it's unrealistic to think that you can navigate it all by yourself. I strongly encourage you to investigate whatever grief support services are offered in your community, and ask to talk to someone in person about all of this. This article will help you discover where to begin: Finding Grief Support That Is Right For You There can be any number of reasons that would explain why your boyfriend is reacting to his daughter's death the way he is, since everyone reacts to loss in his or her own unique way. Still, you cannot force him to get the help you think he needs. It seems to me that the best way you can help him (and the son you have together) is to take care of your own grief first, since that is the only thing you really can control in this very sad situation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
needhelp23 Posted October 23, 2014 Author Report Share Posted October 23, 2014 I've not dealt with my grief in the right way either but never thought being alone would make it better I'm so scared I've lost him forever or that it Will be many years down the line and he won't have the same feelings. He's pulled away from his son also not seeing him much as he used to. I'm going to look into grief counseling and maybe I can get him to join later. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted October 23, 2014 Report Share Posted October 23, 2014 Good for you. That is a very wise decision. You need and deserve that professional support. Seeking grief counseling for yourself is the best and most effective choice you can make. Right now, you need to keep your focus on your own grief and your own needs, as well as those of your boy. The counselor will guide you in how best to deal with your boyfriend. I am wishing you peace and healing ♥ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted October 23, 2014 Report Share Posted October 23, 2014 That sounds like a good idea, and I certainly wish you the very best with it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now