Moving On? Im Afraid.

[sharirouse]

So I talked to my aunt this weekend and I think Im starting to be able to accept my dads death but its still a work in progress. I know Im a selfish broken heart and I want him back but I need to see the bigger picture.

So, I have a new little "crush" on someone at my university and I mean I know its normal and how life goes but I feel so guilty. Its been over a month and a half since my dad passed and I feel like Im moving too quickly. I feel like I should be focusing on him and I almost feel like I am trying to replace him with this new guy. I know that I will never be able to nor will I want to ever replace him but I still feel like entertaining the idea of this crush is trying to replace him, if that makes sense. I feel like the only man I should be focusing on my father. My mom told me that I still have to keep living and that my dad would understand but I have this guilt. I dont really know this guy and little relationships are so petty! Yet, Im still in this situation. My best friend told me that I cant get upset with myself for feeling something other then sadness but I am upset with myself.

Is it too soon? I know its not a measure of time but what am I doing? I dont date ever so thats why I am so confused as to why this is happening now.

[kayc]

I don't think it'll hurt for you to have a relationship so long as you continue to allow yourself to grieve, to feel the pain, to express it, it can coexist. It'd be different if you'd lost a husband, but a dad is a different role, you wouldn't be replacing him, no one can do that.

[ADH]

I lost my Dad at a young age and before I got married. I did not feel exactly that way when my Dad passed but I had to be careful about dating. I did not try to replace my Dad so to speak, but I did try to add a man into my life to replace my Dad's advise, his kind words, someone to compliment and encourage me, someone to earn approval from, etc. I think women are very vulnerable after losing their Father. My husband just died, and I am very vulnerable in general. I am in my early 40's, so I am staying away from the dating world for a solid year before even thinking about it. I wish I would have done the same when my Dad passed. It is not the same for everyone, but I found that I was needy and desperate after my Dad passed and not in a position to make good choices about dating until I could heal more. I had to learn that the hard way.

I just added a post about gulit. It is supposed to be the most destructive emotion. It is really hard to lose a Father, especially at a yound age.

I am so sorry for your loss, and I do hope that you are able to come to terms with the guilt. I know that one of the grief counselors added some informaiton to the web site about dealing with guilt.

[sharirouse]

Thats true, and I had a friend who too said that he wasnt my husband. I just feel like he is the most important male person in my life and I dont want dating to change that or seem like it changed that. I never really thought about making sure I could do what I needed to do if I were to get into a relationship so I think if anything were to develop, which i honestly dont think it will, Ill tell him upfront. And sometimes with my thoughts, I do think Im kind of needy and thats why Im so hesitant. But i do like that it gives me something to think about other than missing my dad. it gives me a little break from my sadness. I just dont know what ill do at the end of the semester LOL