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Changes I'm Making


enna

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  • 5 weeks later...

Decided to take advantage of the wonderful Houston weather, and the Passover holiday and take a few vacation days.  I have already painted my front door a beautiful pansy purple, erected my rooster artwork creation and I just took down the blind in my bathroom (Mark had put this up the first Christmas we were in this house), and "frosted' my window with vinyl coating. It is going to be time to add new plants, since it has gotten too warm for my favorite pansies.  I have had to deal with mice,  I chased them from the house by spraying a mixture with peppermint oil and water around the doors.  I haven't seen any evidence of them lately. I have a couple writing assignments to get underway for the Grief Diaries book series.  My brain is more on projects around the house, so creative writing has to wait.  I don't seem to be able to be creative and project completion minded at the same time.  At work we are going to be getting new carpet, so that meant a lot of boxing stuff up (and we had no AC because they are replacing the chill tower) before I went on vacation. I had to take down all my decorations and pictures in my cubicle.  Will have to think about refreshing some of them when I set it up again.  I got through my birthday, so I don't have anymore events or holidays to mark until fall.  I still have that feeling of anticipation (with no real event to anticipate), and it is kind of affecting my focus.  I met with Rabbi Jill to find out how to approach a conversion.  I let my guard down and lots of feelings came flowing out.   It could take between one to two years to complete it. 

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Happy Birthday, Maryann. I'm sorry I missed it. I love the idea of the pansy purple door. I am also glad that you were able to talk with Rabbi Jill. I think it is important that we can be "real' to a few people who cross our paths. I believe it is part of our healing. 

I have been focusing on affirmations during the Lenten season and I found this article to be interesting. I share it here for what it's worth.

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We all aspire to live the life of our dreams. But sometimes we’re so busy trying to acquire everything that we think we need, we forget to acknowledge everything that we already have. 

No matter where we are in our life, we habitually feel that somehow it could be better. We are always seeking the next best thing. Yet a focus on the future takes our attention away from the present moment. 

Affirmations are a great way to ground us in the present moment and to acknowledge what we already have, yet also to clearly state our intentions for what we want. Stated aloud they are a form of prayer to our inner Self and to the Universe, sharing our deepest needs and desires. They provide us with a daily reminder to keep moving us towards the life of our dreams.

Affirmations move the focus away from what we believe is lacking and instead focus our attention on what we want to move towards. Metaphysics has taught us that if we focus on the absence of something we want, also described as lack, we will continue to attract the energy of lack towards us. However, if we choose to focus on what we want (rather than its absence), we will attract the item of our desire into our conscious awareness.

Furthermore, affirmations remind us of our goals and the thought process we need to use to get ourselves there. They can dissolve harmful ruminating thoughts that fill our space and replace them with loving intentions of self-fulfillment and growth. 

If you’re unsure which affirmations will suit you best, here are three comprehensive yet simple affirmations that have the power to change your life.

1. I am grateful. By expressing gratitude, you are choosing to acknowledge all of the wonderful things in your life that you already have. It is likely that you have a roof over your head, clothes on your back, food in your belly, and at least one person in this world who loves you; start there. Too many of us are preoccupied trying to find something bigger and better that we become blind to the wonderful life that we are already living. 

By affirming I am grateful, you are acknowledging everything you already have and thus opening yourself up to more. You are taking your attention away from lack and preparing yourself for the next gift the Universe has been waiting to bring you. 

2. I am abundant. Many people associate abundance with financial wealth, however abundance refers to many resources that we are surrounded by. Abundance can refer to family, friends, food, water, or other material items. Abundance can also refer to non-physical items such as love, joy, peace or spirituality. Have you heard the term ‘rich in love’? Who is to say that being rich in wealth is any better than being rich in love? It is just another form of abundance.

By affirming I am abundant, you are encapsulating all of these different types of abundance and affirming your wealth in the physical and nonphysical riches that are always available to you.

3. I am enough. As human beings, we tend to develop a belief over time that wherever we are in life and how much we have accomplished is never enough. Positive Psychology states that one of the main causes of our suffering (which manifests itself as anxiety and depression) is a social comparison. In today’s world of social media, social comparison is a way of life. We use Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest and countless others to share our personal information and in turn to review the lives of others. It is impossible to take part in social media without subsequently using some form of social comparison.

By affirming I am enough, you are satisfying your innate compulsion to be more. You are acknowledging that you are a unique and thus perfect individual and that in itself is enough. 

Affirmations are a great way to start your day. In the morning we awaken as a fresh slate, eager to take on the day. Why not use this time to set an intention of what you would like to attract into your life? After you’ve turned off your alarm clock and are taking a few extra seconds before getting out of bed, use this precious time to affirm your goals for the day. 

Affirmations remind us that we are in the driver’s seat. You are not merely a cog in a wheel reacting to life and all of its seemingly random circumstances that are thrown at you. You are a powerful creator with preferences, goals, and passions, and at any moment you can choose to change the direction of your life.

You can begin wherever you are and create the life of your dreams.

- See more at http://www.tut.com/article/details/258-3-affirmations-that-will-change-your-life/?articleId=258#sthash.MCCh5K4u.dpuf  

 

 

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Maryann,

I'm sorry I missed your birthday, but I add my sentiments to Anne's, Happy Birthday!

It sounds like you are doing a lot of positive things for you.  That is so important in our grief journey!  Enjoy the rest of your vacation!

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Maryann happy belated birthday from me too.  I hope you enjoyed your time off with the nice weather,

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As I Approach the Fifth Year Next Month Without My Jim

Someone asked me how I managed those first few years after my Jim died and I had to think back to what were some of the major steps that got me through.

The first months I was in a daze. I was exhausted from caring for my Jim for five years and even though I had help all around me I still walked around with little or no sleep. Because I had the help of Hospice of the Valley in Arizona and a private nurse and the help of many friends I was able to focus on being a wife those last few months. After Jim died I isolated myself for a few months and did only what I had to do. Being retired helped me hide. Looking back I think I grazed on food that people would bring in and I think I showered but I don’t remember. I know I spent quite a bit of time in bed under the covers. I spent hours with the lights on and the TV going just so it didn’t seem so lonely. A lifesaver for me was that I had been going to a caregiver support group for a few years and learned how important it was to have help and use the help that was available to me. My Hospice Team not only took care of Jim but they also saw to it that my other family members and I were being cared for too. I was reminded that HOV would be there for me and they were. After a few months, I remembered calling HOV and asking if a grief counselor was available to visit me and immediately I was set up with an “angel” on earth. She was there for me for the next months and guided me along. The first meetings I sat silent and only answered her guided questions. I seemed to have lost the ability to initiate conversation. I stuck with it and as the months passed I became a full participant in my grief journey. Months into my grief counseling I mentioned to her that I think I was well on my way and ever so gently she said that we have a ways to go. “The mind knows what happened, she said, so now we have to get the heart and mind closer.” So my journey continued. I was directed to Marty’s forum and also to her 1st year of grief e-course. I took advantage of many other online readings as well as another e-course that I especially enjoyed from a site called Esdeer by Maureen Hunter. I became obsessed with reading about grief (and forgot almost everything I read those first two years) and I read the thread on spousal loss on the forum. I re-learned how to meditate and accept the feelings that came. There were times I sat in what I called a deep hole that was very dark and allowed any thoughts to come. Someone early in my grief told me that the journey will be mine but we will be with you all the way. That promise has not been broken and there are people still with me today.  Grief is never over. There is no time limit to our grief. We can’t say it has been four weeks or three months or a year and I don’t feel better. It can be years and you still may not feel better if you haven’t tended to your grief. Being busy, working, ignoring your grief doesn’t make it go away. We have been told that it just sits until we take care of it. We need to acknowledge our grief. We need to do what each one of us has to do to begin the healing process. We are not the same and we will never be the same. You will begin to discover that there is a new you emerging out of this painful grief. You will always miss the person or persons you lost but it does get better. You start to focus on the good memories and yes you might even find a reason to smile. It’s a choice. If you are reading this I believe you are already on the path to healing. I have come to believe that no matter what our belief is there is always that possibility of resurrection. 

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Beautifully stated, dear Anne. Thank you for sharing your hard-won wisdom, determination and experience. You have worked as hard as anyone I know to find and use whatever tools were available to you to make your way through your loss, and I am so grateful to you for your willingness to share with all of us what you have learned along the way. 

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Marty stated it well, Anne.  You have worked hard at your journey, your grief counselor directed you well as you made use of HOV services and Marty's course as well as coming here (which we've all benefited from).  My counselor said he was a grief counselor but was not; unfortunately he was the only one in town so I didn't have that benefit.  I learned you cannot circumvent grief, there is no way around it but straight through it and it takes our effort and participation.  I've learned not to fight it but to embrace it because this is our journey now.

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I owe everything to you, dear Marty, I've learned so much from you!  It's amazing how much you learn day in, day out, over a period of YEARS.  This is the blessing side of the grief coin.

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"Angel on earth"  

Boy does that not describe them well Anne. We have a few walking among us and I need not mention names.:wub:

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  • 3 weeks later...

Not sure where to post this one...I find myself changing almost daily. 

About our grief healing discussion groups website:

As a member for only a few short years (2012 - 2017) I’d like to express what this site has meant to me as a grieving spouse along with the loss of family members, friends, and a very sweet Schipperke-poodle named Benji.  We have heard that our grief is ours to carry but we never have to carry it alone. This has been true for me as well as for others who come to this safe and caring place. It has amazed me that even in our own grief we reach out to others to offer our support and love. I think we do not realize how important kind words are to those who are grieving but when someone reaches out to another person with kindness it somehow makes our sadness not so painful. To this day I get emotional when a complete stranger reaches out with kind words. I have found from the beginning many resources here that have helped me navigate the losses I personally experienced. I have gone from grieving (silent grief) to mourning (public grieving). What we do here is share our grief in a public setting and this is what I believe helps in our healing.

There are other grief sites online but for me, this one provides many different threads that allow us to stay in one thread or move to others that address our specific needs. The resources provided are solid and checked for accuracy of information by a certified grief expert. We are fortunate to have someone who monitors this site so that it remains a safe place to come. My grief will always be mine and when I come here I receive the loving kindness that I deserve from both those who come here in grief and a moderator who gently guides us along this path that none of us have asked to be taking.

I am sorry for the reason that brought you here but I am very glad that you have found this place. Some of us have been here for a while and others are new. We all bring our own pain but the one thing we have in common is the loving kindness each one of us has for the other.  

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Change comes in many forms. . .

I have removed this post because my granddog, Fred passed away this afternoon. My heart is broken.

 

 

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Dear Anne,

When my Annie was nearing the end of her life and needed to be on pain meds, but wasn't eating, it created problems.  What I ended up doing was buying a mortar and passel, grinded the pill up and mixed it with peanut butter.  She would then take the pill without knowing it.  It is a lot of extra work, but sometimes we have to take stronger methods to get the job done. Have you tried the pill pockets that are on the market?  People seem to rave about them.

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Thank you, Mary Ann. I have used the peanut butter idea when Fred used to like it. I'll be happy to turn Fred over to his mom and dad tomorrow. I love him and I'll miss him when he is back home. I have not heard of pill pockets. Tonight I try the cheeseburger he liked so much yesterday. :huh: 

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It is May already and I find myself focusing on what I’ll do during the summer months this year.  

There are two things I’m thinking about ~ one is to have my group over to complete our end-of-life papers and have a guided meditation with the theme Living in the Now.  I have found that Eckhart Tolle seems to be speaking to me more. He emphasizes the importance of the NOW.  I also think we will postpone our monthly meetings until September when the weather is not so HOT and the snowbirds are back.

The other activity I’m thinking about is doing some volunteering this summer right here in our community. I live in an active adult community and being a member of Kare Bears for over ten years here I know there are people who are alone and they do not have family near nor can they get out and about during the 100+ degree temperatures. People here can call our Kare Bear organization and ask for someone to visit them a few hours a week.  I have in the past taken someone out to lunch just to get her/him out of the house. I don’t pay for their lunch but I drive.

In early grief, you do not see that there is a future to your life after a significant loss. It is hard to focus on just the most routine things but later you start to reenter life. I share these things because I know how hard it is to even think about a future.

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I always check with the vet before grinding up a pill...some of them it's okay, some it's not.  

Try partially cooking the carrot so it's soft enough to push the pill into, not fully cooked but not raw either.  My dog is too smart for pill pockets.  Try wrestling a 140 lb dog to get three humongous pills down his throat!  Sometimes I think the vet has a sense of humor prescribing this stuff!  Fortunately Arlie is only 110 lbs now and hasn't had to have any pills since Christmas. ;)

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My Reflection on Mother’s Day 2017

Skipping all the commercialism of the day I’ve been reflecting on how my daughter is living the whole idea of Mother.  From the time she was a little person, she showed a natural desire to give her little heart to caring for others. From her dolls and stuffed animals to our sweet brother/sister kittens she played for hours nurturing them as tenderly as a little one can. Tea parties, putting everyone to bed to reading stories she looked after them as her own.  Her daddy spent more time listening to her stories about her day and drinking more water (in teacups) than was probably healthy for him. As a preschooler, she set up a school in her bedroom and spent time reading to her dolls and stuffed animals than any other child I knew. Even Smoky & Mickey sat listening to her as if they understood what she was saying. When her little friends visited she always took on the role of mom or teacher. Not to forget, she was also able to hold her own as she played football with all the boys in the neighborhood and no one could beat her in track & field activities. She is so smart. Listing all her accomplishments would only cause her to blush so this isn’t the place for that. As she grew up, she continued to show a nurturing ability and on the day she married and had my first grandchild I just knew she’d be the best mother she could be. She continues to be a super mommy to my now three grandchildren. They are thoughtful and loving just as she is and will no doubt be for the rest of their lives.

I love my only daughter ~ my only child.  I am so blessed to see her continue that quality of nurturing.

Yes, I went through some trying times during her teenage years but we made it through together and today I am proud to be not only her mother but also her friend.

Changes continue in my life and I am grateful for them all. What a journey I have been on. Somehow I know that her daddy is so proud of her.

 

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What a wonderful tribute to your daughter this is. And guess who taught your daughter how to be a mother, dearest Anne? ;) 

Your namesake granddaughter is just so beautiful. How very proud you must be of your precious family. Happy Mother's Day to you and your lovely daughter, dear lady 

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Thank you for your kind words, Marty. And Happy Mother's Day to you. I continue to appreciate all that you do here on our forum. You inspire me. :wub:

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  • 4 weeks later...

Summertime Volunteering

A little background so others understand – we have a volunteer organization here in my community that checks in on those who fill out a card saying that they are alone and would welcome visitors. If you wish to visit someone you find out what their number is and give them a call to set up a visit. 

I will always be mourning the loss of my beloved Jim and as I do I enter into yet another part of my journey.  This summer I have decided to spend some time with a few of the people who live in my community by visiting them for an hour and a half. I chose this time because spending more time with them could tire them out. My first visit was with an eighty-eight-year young lady who has lived on her own for several years. She has no close relative here and most of the time she eats by herself even though she does get out and about occasionally to play cards and go out for lunch with friends. She no longer drives and has some health issues. I decided to bring lunch for this visit. It was a delightful time and from the beginning, we had no trouble finding things to talk about. With our summer temperatures getting into the 100s most of us stay indoors. Our visit was a success and we agreed on another visit.

The value of this visit for me is reaching out to someone. It would be so easy to isolate myself in my home where I feel most comfortable. I need to make those choices and by doing it I feel much more satisfied with my life as it is today. When I returned to my home I felt good. My next visit will be with an elderly man who lost his wife a few years back. He says it is hard for him to socialize so ends up alone most days. He likes late morning visits so I will bring a homemade coffeecake and I’m sure we will have things to talk about. I am going to try to do these visits four times a month this summer – twice with each person if they want a second visit during the month.  In July I plan on taking my neighbor to lunch at a close by restaurant. We have been doing this for a few years now. She is a sweet lady and is getting frail. Her husband is still living but she likes getting out with just the girls. She has battled cancer and won but it left her very weak for her tiny frame ~ she doesn’t weigh 95lbs but she is a feisty 86 years young. We laugh and eat too much and always have dessert.  

My granddaughter is walking now. :wub:

 

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1 hour ago, enna said:

We laugh and eat too much and always have dessert.  

I certainly do  hope that it's always something CHOCOLATE, Anne ;)

Your namesake granddaughter Elizabeth Anne is just adorable in her darling daisy outfit  

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