Jump to content
Grief Healing Discussion Groups

Losing Mum Is My Worst Nightmare


Recommended Posts

After losing mum 10 months ago now I still cry every day and usually at least a couple of times a day.

Is this still ok or anything to worry about?

I guess I know it is as we were very close and I lived with her the majority of my 50 + years latterly as a carer. I guess I just need some reassurance please.

Missing her so much.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 69
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Yes, my dear, it is still ok, it is nothing to worry about, and it is NORMAL. Does that give you the reassurance you need? I hope so. There is nothing wrong with you, and there is nothing wrong with the way you are experiencing your grief. This is YOUR journey, and yours alone. What is normal for you will not be normal for someone else, and vice versa ~ but that is as it should be.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Marty,

Thank you so much for your reply. You are very kind and yes it has reassured me. Today I certainly don't feel normal and was wondering if I'll ever feel ok again. Just knowing this is normal for grief certainly helps. I just wish my beloved mum had a few more years but that would be selfish of me as she wasn't at all well and was suffering so at least she's happy and with dad. I just pray that one day I'll be able to look back without this pain.

Thank you once again MartyT.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think you will. When my husband died, every time I thought of him I felt pain. Now when I think of him it is with fondness and wonderful memories and I smile, but it's taken a long while getting there. I think your taking one day at a time is good, it helps.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hello Kayc and thanks for your reply. I am so glad I found this forum and I'm so grateful for all the help and reasurance. The only way I can cope is one day at a time. Mornings are usually worse as a new day of sorrow and missing her dawns. Taking one day at a time and trying to be kind to myself certainly helps. One day we shall all be reunited forever but I know mum and dad want me to be ok before then and I'll try not to let them down.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You'll make it, James. It's one of the hardest adjustments we'll ever be called on to make, learning to live without those that we love, but we learn how to cope, bit by bit. In the beginning it's hard to see though, it's like we're in a tunnel and before the bend and can't see through it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 4 weeks later...

The journey of grief is bad enough but worries over part of my garden fence being vandalised just seem to increase feelings of insecurity. I guess this is pretty normal though? It just makes me mad. Sure it would be annoying without the grief but it just seems to make it all the more worrying.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Any time we have theft or vandalism it is a loss and upsets our feeling of security and sanctity. It's also a trigger for other losses we've suffered and sometimes it seems it's all rolled into one big loss, when in fact, it's many separate ones. So important to give the attention and effort to deal with each one so it doesn't overwhelm us in enormity. I'm sorry someone messed with your garden fence, it doesn't feel good, does it. :(

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks Kayc,

When it happened on Sunday I was so anxious for the rest of the day. I did a temporary repair but it was the last thing I needed as I was already low that morning.

It wasn't targetted against me but I took it that way.

I agree it's a trigger and in my emotional state it just got worse from there. I'd had a fairly good day with friends the day before too!?

I'm a bit calmer now thanks. ☺

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Today marks 11 months since you went home mum. Words simply cannot express how much I miss you and long to see you or talk to you. I know you are with dad in God's heaven and the only comfort I have is that we will be reunited forever one day. I like to think you're always with me watching over me and pray that's so. I have good friends but am so lonely without you and treasure memories of all you and dad did for us. This is the worst time of my life and as the days go by I worry you're becoming further away. I try to tell myself I'm one more day nearer our reunion but that would only worry you as I know you want me to enjoy my life. I just can't think that way yet as I'm way too sad. I love you mum and miss you so very much. Xxxx ❤

Link to comment
Share on other sites

They may seem further away as time passes but the love we have with them is current not past, and we will be together again, we just have to hang in there until that time and not forget to appreciate what good there is in today in spite of missing them.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks Kayc, beautifully put as always. Today was a bad one filled with many tears and missing her so much.

Your post lifted my spirits a bit so God bless you for that. You're very kind. I just cannot get used to being up one minute and down the next. Anxieties about silly things cropping up again etc. Wondering where my grief has gone if I have a couple of calm days etc...etc....

My irrational part of the brain has the upper hand again it seems. I've had a week off work and whilst I've done plenty of jobs on the house and garden (before the lethargy returned) I'm out of my routine which seems to keep me together. Hope things are better for you?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I guess I'm kind of feeling that too as my week was anything but normal and it does take its toll on you, doesn't it?

I think it's common to feel, when grieving, that if we are having a good day, guilty for feeling good, almost like we think we aren't grieving good enough, but that's not the case at all! The truth is, we need little breaks now and then or we'll go crazy with it! Nothing will make us "get over" the person we lost, it's not like we could ever forget them or stop loving them so we really shouldn't worry about that at all. And truth is, nothing takes us further from them even though we might feel so sometimes. Our feelings can be so unreliable! We have to stop and acknowledge what is real, that is, that we love that person and they still love us even though we aren't able to see each other right now. We WILL be together again and we'll catch up on our I love yous and hugs then! For now we can still whisper it in the wind and have faith that they hear us.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 3 weeks later...

Hello,

It's fast approaching the first anniversary of mum's passing (a week this Friday) and although I've read through other posts on this topic and the excellent article on Marty's blog I just feel like I'm losing my mind at times. The thought that it was a year ago right now that my mum's health rapidly deteriorated and although I dared not think it then, that my dear mum was about to be called home, it's almost too much to take in!

Where has that year gone? How am I still here? Will I really survive this hell?

Although I'm lucky to have good friends their lives are so busy and I just feel so alone.

This year has been hell and I know I'll always miss mum of course but how do we come through this?

I realise these are questions we all ask but right now I simply can't begin to know the answer.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm sorry for the hell you've been through and wish there was something I could say that could help you. I don't know that there is an answer except by one day at a time. I'm asking myself the same questions...Friday it will be ten years since I lost my husband and I too wonder how it could be I've survived that long...it feels both like yesterday and forever at the same time. It seems surreal that I ever even had him.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks kayc, Sorry that it's your 10 year anniversary this Friday. You will be in my prayers. You're right about the "one day at a time approach"....it's the only way isn't it. At lunchtime I found myself crying my eyes out sat in my car and feeling that fear again that I won't ever be ok.

I just said to myself "it's ok, it'll take time.....one day at a time". Whether the days building up to the anniversary are worse than the day itself I've yet to find out. I just know it's a bad time. Thanks Kayc, you're very kind.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My first anniversary I felt a sense of accomplishment, like "I made it through all the firsts without!" but after that I realized that it's never ending and it doesn't matter if it's a first without or a second or third, it's never the same again. But little by little, with a lot of help from those on this site, I began to realize I'd get through this and learn to do my life as it is. The things I've learned and the personal growth I can't begin to put into words! But it's been like a treasure hunt and that is the silver lining to the cloud. It's not of our choosing but we're all making it work.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Dear Kayc, I am thinking of you as you pass this sad milestone. You have provided so much comfort and compassion to others, I hope that you can feel the caring and gratitude of myself and others on this site. God bless you always.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×
×
  • Create New...